AIBU to be resentful about the dog

[Mamawingingit1234]

Please don’t rip me to shreds for this.

We got our dog when I was pregnant and decided to be a SAHM.

My asthma which has been manageable my whole adult life has slowly deteriorated over the last few years to the point I’m on a preventer inhaler morning and night. Reliever inhaler still during the day - noticeably more when in the house all day. My eyes have been regularly red and itchy and at time painfully swollen. My asthma nurse thinks I’m allergic, the doctor thinks I’m allergic but my DH doesn’t.

I’m also so fed up of the dog hair EVERYWHERE. I hoover several times a day. And the drool! When pregnant with second I slipped pretty badly on his drool and had to get checked. Now he’s not allowed in any room when there is food because it’s uncontrollable.
DH loves the dog. The kids love the dog. I’m starting to resent the dog. I do 90% of the walking, grooming and cleaning. DHs work involves travel and I didn’t think how difficult it would be going out for walks. We live in the country side, no paved paths. All national speed limit roads and mud tracks. It takes longer to get the kids ready for a walk than they can walk. Can’t get a buggy down the mud track and don’t feel safe to walk on the road with the kids.

DH and I have had several “talks” about the dog and I’m always made to feel like a terrible person for thinking about rehoming him mainly to PIL who LOVE the dog.

Am I a terrible person for feeling resentful? I feel like the dog is more of a priority than me.

But on the other hand I do feel like a shit person for feeling this way.

I can’t stand dogs and would never get one. But I have a pushchair which can and does tackle muddy fields as we live rurally. Baby jogger, second hand off eBay, about £60 and you can push it with one hand. Get one!

You have to get allergy tested - worst case people can die from uncontrolled asthma and if you are living with a dog you are allegic to it may get worse and worse.
The rest you can cure with dog walkers and cleaners but your health has to come first. How would DH cope with 3 children and the dog if anything happened to you!

I’m sure all these other posters who think you should martyr yourself over a dog will be willing to come and help you out daily OP. Ffs. 🙄

This. Get rid of the dog. You have to look after yourself! Good luck OP and congratulations

Go away for a spa weekend (it sounds like you need a break). Let your DH cope with the children and the dog by himself and then have the conversation!

Poor Dog

I think you should have considered child 2 and child 3 when you had one child and a dog. It must have been difficult with the paths etc before child 2. You clearly didn’t take the time to train your dog properly if you were pregnant when you got him/her. It sounds like your dog has a great time with the neighbour getting muddy and having a proper run and walk. Yes of course it’s a hassle cleaning a muddy dog but it’s worth it to see the joy they have playing and running. It doesn’t sound that playing and running is a priority for you.

I don’t think you should marter your self over a dog, please give him/her to someone who can give it the love, attention and excel code it deserves.

PIL - your kids can still spend time with dog and the dog will have a great life.

Why is there always someone suggesting a spa weekend?

In your situation, I would rehome it with your PIL in a heartbeat. (We have a 2yo dog and he is so much harder work than I expected and very, very tying.)

When your DH is there, he needs to do 100% of the dog walks and vacuuming, as well as whatever his 'normal' share of the childcare and domestic responsibilities currently are.

Would your PIL agree to look after him for, say, two months, so you could all see how it works out? At least, that's what you'd tell your DH...

Split with ex over the dog, I lived through 2 previous dogs whom he had before we met. Then when they were gone he got another. Our 3rd child was only 1. Had a huge house too keep on top of, 2 different school runs to do at different times with no car. He worked full time. No training was done as I have no clue, had no energy and he didn't have time to do it. The dog got huge! Wrecked my house and my family. In the end it was me or the dog. He chose the dog. I left. Now his poor elderly parents have to try and look after it while he works. Dogs are now deal breakers for me. Hate them and don't want one anywhere near me. I hope you have a better outcome. I feel your pain

The dog is very well trained thank you. We did the classes and put in the work.
He has bad hips. After several visit to the vets they diagnosed him with hip dysplasia at 8 months old. So running/playing lots is actually bad for him. He isn’t neglected. And he isn’t unloved which is the reason I’m finding feeling this way hard.

The bottom line is keep the dog and risk a serious asthma attack, which could land you in Hospital or the mourge. Your choice. Your Husand is being a total arrogant fuckwit, your asthma nurse and your Doctor have both said they think you are allergic to the dog but your husband knows better than they do !
Your life is not important to your husband but how important is it to your children ? You make the decision

There will always be posters who love to put the boot in OP. It's not like you've come on here saying you're preparing to dump him on the street.

Rehoming to PIL sounds like a really good idea.

The fact is your health should come first.

Can your parents in law take the dog when your husband is away?

Give to pil to mind for a week. If your asthma improves, you’ll have the ammunition you need.

My ex always wanted to get rid of our dog because he loved me the best. Are you sure that's not the underlying problem here?

I don’t think you should marter your self over a dog, please give him/her to someone who can give it the love, attention and excel code it deserves.
Excel code?

I'm torn. It is hard to walk and care for a dog, but I'm afraid that's what you signed up for, and I don't think it's fair to get rid of a pet on this account.

I think an allergy is a better reason.

Your dh should obviously be doing his share of the care.

Let's just hope you don't start to resent dc1 or 2 because I've heard it's quite a bit harder to rehome children - why does someone always, always say something like this? What a ridiculous comparison; a dog is not a child and whilst animals do deserve love and respect, they are not human. Do you honestly think that the OP might give her children away in the future, or were you just trying to get a sly dig in raspberryk?

Dogs trust?
They don’t judge
The dogs needs perhaps are not being met, people’s circumstances change, that is understandable,no ones fault at all.
Some one out there could give your dog a good home and get a lot of benefit from a canine companion.
When your children are older/ you and your partner are older, a dog may perhaps be a more workable option.

Yes for goodness sake the first thing you should do is get a blood test for allergies! If you haven’t already. Your GP can give you a blood form for pollen, dust mites and dog.

And this Is why reputable brrrders and rescue centres don’t sell dogs to families with small children.
@finn1020
“I’m sure all these other posters who think you should martyr yourself over a dog will be willing to come and help you out daily OP. Ffs. 🙄”
I don’t think the OP should martyr herself but I’d strongly advise anyone to wait until their children are older before getting a dog. Like I did despite adoring dogs and not feeling my family was complete until we got one.

Not only would it be perfectly reasonable to rehome this dog, it is the right thing to do. You cannot sacrifice your health in this way.

its difficult to not rip you to shreds on this one.

you got a dog and didn't do the research... and now you are suffering the impact

find him a new home... he deserves better than what he has now.

Easiest route = get tested if allergic dog goes DH cannot argue with proof
If not allergic = you can’t cope on own with dog therefore DH builds trip to drop off at PIL on start of work trip & collects on way home
If PILs miles away = cleaner & dog walker required
You need to do something

I'm asthmatic and allergic to dogs. I didn't realise growing up, I was always ill with my asthma but my parents always had dogs.

It wasn't until I moved out of the family home that my asthma improved.

I love dogs and have researched the best way to be around them with asthma.

The first (this won't apply to you) is to choose a dog with a hypoallergenic coat.

Second is to restrict his movements insure the house with stair gates on the stairs for example. I'd put stair gates on the lounge too so you have a hair free zone for sitting.

Have him sent to a groomers regularly to keep coat in check.

Don't let him slobber all over you, wash your hands before touching your face.

Take a daily antihistamine to dampen down immune response.

Get a dog walker to help take the pressure off you.

I think you can be tested to establish if you are allergic, it will show to what degree depending on your reaction to the test. This might help your husband understand and support you better.