Strange Conversation with a Social Worker

[StressedtoHellandBack]

I had a call from a Social Worker. I do think she was a Social Worker but was not showing any traits that I would expect from a Social Worker. I would expect a Social Worker to be caring, understanding and kind.
She asked what I am worried about. When I tried to tell her she spoke over me and interrupted all the time. She did not allow me to speak at all and although she claimed she called me to gain some clarity all she really did was to cause further concerns that anyone I know should be involved with a person like that in an official capacity. If someone is distressed and has to face someone so nasty and unpleasant I don't know how they would cope. I am not having problems of any description but this woman was probably the most difficult person I have ever spoken to. I was in a job where I spoke to a lot of people every working day!
There was something I said about a man who was being inappropriate with a teenager and I was told that Social Workers would not be interested in that. She said that Social Workers were not interested in vulnerable people being bullied or attacked or a man watching children playing every time children were outside. I thought Social Workers were there to protect children and also vulnerable people but this woman said this was not the case.
Her conduct was enough to put me off ever talking to a Social Worker at any future point. She seemed to have no understanding of the situation or the damage being done. There is isolating of people from family and friends. She does not see that if an adult will not go into a situation, why is a child left in that same situation.
I really would appreciate any help with this situation. I don't want to make things any worse for some vulnerable people who are already under the control of some unpleasant persons.
Am I Being Unreasonable to think a Social Worker should be protecting children and vulnerable people and being a whole lot more interested in listening than talking over another person in a conversation that she instigated.

I don't understand what's so unclear about OPs first posts, are people not able to comprehend English?

YANBU OP. I wouldn't be put off ever speaking to SS again though. You will find bad workers in all professions unfortunately.

Your backstory, while of enormous importance to you, like your exam results, is not relevant to this SW, who is presumably investigating a report about an underage third party

I disagree with this. Not the exam results, but previous examples of abuse absolutely should be relevant to a SW investigating further potential abuse of a child.

IronShame.
If you can imagine that the OP has a thought and writes something relating to that thought. OP knows what they mean, but nobody else does.
Readers are not aware of what the thought is/was. All they read is what the OP has written. The reader has no idea what the OP is on about as they are not aware of what it relates to.

Make sense as to why the OP made no sense?

Jeepers, I managed to understand perfectly well what OP was saying.

Hi OP,

I am very sorry to hear what you have been through and hope you are getting the support you need.
I think you are very brave in trying to help the vulnerable people who are suffering the same kind of abuse you did.

I would report the SW you spoke to, they do not sound at all professional. It seems like they are doing nothing about your reports and not taking them seriously.

If you feel you are not being listened to by social services at all could you make a report to the police in the hope they might take your concerns forward and make sure something is actually done?

I suspect the social worker was trying to get to the salient points, or to get answers to specific questions.

Did she offend you by cutting through opinion, hearsay and your own experiences while she tried to find out whether this case hit the threshold for action?

OP, please don't try to show them this thread. That's a terrible idea. SS don't have time to read through all these comments to try to make sense of the thread. I must agree that your writing is difficult to follow at times, maybe because this is such an emotive topic for you.

I think it would be much better to write an email or letter. In that letter, try not to use unspecific expressions like "a situation acceptable to me", or that the children are not "living in harmony with others", because neither of these things give any indication of the seriousness of the situation. I'm sure you wouldn't anyway - I'm guessing you're just trying to avoid giving too much detail here on Mumsnet!

Agreed Papaya. We still don't know what the actual concern is relating to the children.

I have experienced this myself. The talking over seemed that it was to partly stop me from properly reporting things to them that they may well be duty bound to act on and in part was the worker being askanse at my audacity at believing I knew anything about the role of childrens services or their responsibilities as they became very loud, aggressive and harsh everytime I pointed out that I felt that the issues I was attempting to raise were safeguarding concerns and kept repeating policies at me that were not relevent at that time and were said to stall and misdirect the call and the intention seemed clear to try to irritate me into an angry response so that they could get me off the subject and if they managed to illicit a rude response that would further justify their lack of engagement. This has happened enough times for me to have seen a pattern and especially if you happen to be attempting to complain about anyone or any aspect of their service, namely questioning their commitment or efficiency!

I understood the general situation easily enough from your first post too. It is clear that you are trying to stand up to people you are fearful of, for the sake of other vulnerable people. That is incredibly brave!

You are frustrated that this social worker didn't seem to listen or take you seriously, and that you now fear nothing will be done to help those living in a vulnerable situation today.

I have no experience of this type of situation, but if it was me I would write out a statement with all the information you think is important. The social workers will then likely have their own questions to ask regarding your statement, but I would also ask for a face to face meeting rather than a phone call if possible.

Exactly the same as any profession OP. Some are fantastic, some are shit. She might have slipped through the training net or she might have turned cynical and nasty. Don’t tar all social workers with the same brush though.

Agree with Verily I'm afraid. You're not being very clear about your complaint. And yes, they have the worst damned-whatever-they-do reputation and job. Like with GPs you have to be really clear and concise and prioritize your key concerns. Wondering if you did that... Someone interrupting you probably means you were being unclear, or long-winded. I work with people and sometimes have to interrupt them to get to the key point. In an ideal world these professions would have endless time to hear you out, but they simply don't. They may have a different view of how your interaction went. You can email or write outstanding issues in if you're not happy.

The majority of posters adamant that the op isnt being clear (even after other posters breakdowns that Op then verified) will maintain this until they wring ever last bit of detail and even then and they are actually annoyed that the Op is not giving them enough to allow them to dismiss her concerns witheringly. Its not the op who cant communicate effectively, shes all too clear in the vulnerability that her posts are revealing to those that intend to exploit that to enhance their own lives through the intoxicating power trip of putting a stranger down on the internet. The cancellation of Jeremy Kyle must have left a void in many of those people's lives though they will mostly deny ever watching it wont admit to enjoying it. The principle absolutely would appeal to those who enjoy picking apart others as he followed an obvious scheme of identifying vulnerable people that he'd cherry pick those who people judged like claiming benefits, taking drugs etc and proceed to bully them to claps and laughs. Pathetic

Having the Op bulletpoint her points. She didn't need people on here to understand what she was testifying about to the social worker, but that was a preoccupation for many!

For heaven’s sake @Mbh, it’s clear she’s vulnerable. It’s also clear that if she talked around the situation on the phone as she has on here (using vague phrases like ‘unacceptable situation’ or ‘not living in harmony with others’, and talking about children ‘losing confidence’ because they don’t have exam results), that one could imagine a SW with a heavy CP caseload trying to cut to the chase.

I felt like the SW spoke to me in exactly the same way as my abusers. She even speaks using words, tones, grammar and with the same nasty ness as my abusers have used. I have seen and lived a different sort of life but the children have lived with this constantly for their entire lives. I don't want any more people with that attitude around the children.
I have dysphasia and I can not speak under pressure like that or in emergency type situations. I also speak in several languages. This woman was determined to be difficult from the start and she was annoyed when I corrected her on a point.

I am trying to rebuild my confidence and people like that are not at all helpful. Social workers should be able to speak to all types of persons. Information should be on record of my health as I asked for disability aids etc.

Were you in a relationship with the father of the children ? Did you press charges regarding the abuse ?

Op don't print this thread but write a well thought out email or letter clearly outlining your concerns. If you have witnesses the children being mistreated clearly state those incidents. It's all about the impact to the child so if they witnessed violence or emotional abuse state this and in what way. That way you have a paper trail and can't be interrupted but have raised your concerns.

I have dysphasia and I can not speak under pressure like that or in emergency type situations. I also speak in several languages

OP, in the nicest possible way, as this exchange has clearly brought back some horrible memories this sounds like the crux of it. You find it difficult to speak under pressure, you were already stressed, and you possibly slip into other languages (or get stuck in one I sometimes do). The SW found it difficult to get the information she needed (possibly you had prepared in advance what you were going to say, and she interrupted it, because she wanted answers to her own specific questions?) and wasn't as nice to you as you felt you deserved.

I think we've all been there at some point, and while it can be upsetting it's not personal.

I felt like the SW spoke to me in exactly the same way as my abusers. She even speaks using words, tones, grammar and with the same nasty ness as my abusers have used. I have seen and lived a different sort of life but the children have lived with this constantly for their entire lives. I don't want any more people with that attitude around the children.

I think that being interrupted and having someone be impatient with you has brought up some bad memories, again -- but they're your issues to deal with, and get help for. You are not the person of concern for her, after all, just a source of evidence as to whether these children are at risk. She didn't speak to the children that way. There's no evidence she will speak to the children that way.

And even if you didn't like her, and felt shaken by the call, this is a SW on an evidence-gathering phone call, not an abuser. It's not her fault she reminded you of something bad in your own life.

Do you have someone you can go to to talk things through, OP? I mean, I think you should send your concerns about the children in writing to SS, but it's also clear you need some support yourself, with what the fall-out from this phone call has been for you. But they are two separate things.

@wishingforapositiveyear I was not in a relationship with the fathers of the children in the way that I think you mean.
Your post has recalled an incident which is probably relative to the situation and may also be relative to why the SW appeared so hostile.
I think I will print this thread so that I can keep the contents clear and consider the contents carefully. I would never be so indiscrete as to use comments as anything other than advice and comments given to me even if anonymously.

@Horsefeather I am aware that there is a traumatic past to my life and I have done things to try to help myself and some have been good, some not so good. I am in the process of major events just now. I had woken that morning in a good mood having slept well and feeling secure when I had this conversation I was taken right back into the past and the less pleasant aspects.
I have arranged to discuss matters with an appropriate person. I have already had CBT and that therapist wanted to make a referral to SW when she heard and saw what was happening around me. The problem is that if I speak to a therapist they are likely to decide to make referrals. I have been told by several therapists that they are duty bound to make these referrals.

But the emphasis on referrals to SW makes it sound as if you are still in actual danger or vulnerable to your abusers in an immediate way, OP? Is this the case?

I think it's pretty obvious that the OP would NOT have spoken around the subject in the same way to the SW as she is doing on here, when she is clearly trying to conceal the nature of both the complaint and the relationships on this thread!!

Bloody vultures insisting on wiggling the fine detail out of the OP before they can possibly either understand or contribute helpfully - the OP doesn't WANT to reveal such details and she shouldn't bloody have to!

@Thumb, I disagree. I don't think she is being deliberately vague on here to conceal identifying details as of course she should I think that her difficulties in expressing herself clearly on here are entirely in line with what she says about her additional needs, speaking several languages and problems talking under pressure in her post of 9.13. I imagine a brusque SW wasn't particularly nice as she was trying to cut through the verbiage, and the OP found it upsetting and got even more incoherent.

@Horsefeather I am deliberately trying not to state any identifying details. I am not able to physically protect myself (or the children) from the abusers. The abusers are lead by a person who is a control freak or coercive abuser! There has been triangulation. Every fallout around friends and family this person has made a comment that started a dispute. A lot of people significant to the children are no longer in their lives, those are people who would defend the children without fear of reprisal.

I do not think being able to speak more than one language is a special need. I not only found the SW brusque I thought she was very rude and unpleasant. To ask for information a person must take it at a suitable pace for the person giving the information. All that was achieved by the SW speech was to make me go silent and give up trying to say anything and I said this to her. It was also triggering in that it was so like the verbal abuse the children and I get/got.

I do not think being able to speak more than one language is a special need.

But you say up the thread that you have dysphasia, which is a language processing disorder. I assume this is what the other poster meant.

If you have significant difficulty in speaking or processing someone else's language, especially in understandably stressful situations which would be typical of someone with dysphasia then her idea of a 'suitable pace for giving information' may be entirely different to yours, especially if she didn't know you had a condition which affects your language.