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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Strange Conversation with a Social Worker

149 replies

StressedtoHellandBack · 13/03/2020 20:33

I had a call from a Social Worker. I do think she was a Social Worker but was not showing any traits that I would expect from a Social Worker. I would expect a Social Worker to be caring, understanding and kind.
She asked what I am worried about. When I tried to tell her she spoke over me and interrupted all the time. She did not allow me to speak at all and although she claimed she called me to gain some clarity all she really did was to cause further concerns that anyone I know should be involved with a person like that in an official capacity. If someone is distressed and has to face someone so nasty and unpleasant I don't know how they would cope. I am not having problems of any description but this woman was probably the most difficult person I have ever spoken to. I was in a job where I spoke to a lot of people every working day!
There was something I said about a man who was being inappropriate with a teenager and I was told that Social Workers would not be interested in that. She said that Social Workers were not interested in vulnerable people being bullied or attacked or a man watching children playing every time children were outside. I thought Social Workers were there to protect children and also vulnerable people but this woman said this was not the case.
Her conduct was enough to put me off ever talking to a Social Worker at any future point. She seemed to have no understanding of the situation or the damage being done. There is isolating of people from family and friends. She does not see that if an adult will not go into a situation, why is a child left in that same situation.
I really would appreciate any help with this situation. I don't want to make things any worse for some vulnerable people who are already under the control of some unpleasant persons.
Am I Being Unreasonable to think a Social Worker should be protecting children and vulnerable people and being a whole lot more interested in listening than talking over another person in a conversation that she instigated.

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 13/03/2020 23:00

So you you do know that there are good and bad in every occupation - but you don’t care enough about the wellbeing of these children to put your concerns in writing and send them to the social services department? Which would take you less time than complaining about one social worker on here?

justasking111 · 13/03/2020 23:01

Next time she phones and starts interrupting just say this

" Oh i'm sorry did the middle of my sentence interrupt the beginning of yours"

repeat as necessary....

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 13/03/2020 23:02

Sadly, social workers don't often have time to be super polite or build trust. They need clear, concise, factual information. You may have felt the context you were giving was important but it might not have been relevant.
If you think someone is at risk and you didn't get to give the relevant information, why not call again,? Feeling uncomfortable on a call is a small inconvenience compared to helping an at-risk child.

StressedtoHellandBack · 13/03/2020 23:03

@MovingBriskyOn I am aware that this is more about children than me as an adult. That is as is should be. The way this Social Worker spoke is not going to help any child, those I know or any other children that SW is dealing with.
I do have a background where I was abused and it has taken a lot to get away from it and I do not see what is wrong with saying I don't want to be spoken to like that as it brings back bad memories.
Should we not be polite to everyone?

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 13/03/2020 23:03

I understood from your first post that this issue related to past experience, which would make it impossible for you to say outright what you need to say.
Social workers don’t automatically have this information unfortunately and cannot know what is inside your head when you are trying to explain.

LuluJakey1 · 13/03/2020 23:07

Weregoingonanadventure Where does the OP say she is not in the UK? She just says there are cultural differences between her and the social worker.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/03/2020 23:08

If you were as incoherent as you are here I’m not surprised she was frustrated and interrupted you!

Have you thought maybe English might not be the OPs first language?

Im not sure why everyone is having such difficulty understanding the OP. I understood perfectly well what they are trying to say without knowing specific details.

StressedtoHellandBack · 13/03/2020 23:08

@justasking111 Absolutely love your comment. Very useful.

OP posts:
Samtsirch · 13/03/2020 23:10

If speaking on the phone isn’t working, write down your concerns and post the letter to social services, or email if possible.
No room for interruptions, and they cannot deny having received the information.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 13/03/2020 23:12

I think if you were clearer about how and why ss got in contact with you/asked you for information in the first place it might be easier to know what is going on.

Why?

Horsefeather · 13/03/2020 23:12

I understood what she meant, but I had the advantage of seeing it written down — but if she’s half as incoherent and digressive in person, a stressed, busy social worker on the phone might end up cutting across her to try to get the key facts.

midwestspring · 13/03/2020 23:13

Not every social worker is going to have a warm and empathetic phone manner I am afraid OP.
Particularly in the USA where child protection social work is a very poorly paid option for well qualified workers.
It sounds as though the worker was time pressured and brusque which is unfortunate but given the pressures they work under perhaps not surprising.
Next time maybe bullet point what you want to say so you can be sure you make your key points.

Weregoingonanadventure · 13/03/2020 23:14

@LuluJakey1
Elementary school.

StressedtoHellandBack · 13/03/2020 23:17

Social Services should have a record of the abuse I had. There were SWs at my house to speak to me after another professional made a report about my injuries.
The abuse was dreadful and long standing. It had a very bad effect on me and I completely lost confidence to such an extent that I had to quit my job. Same people involved then as now, with others now added to the abuse handed out to me.
I have said previously that I would be in danger if it was known that I had spoken
I think I will try to find a short sharp way of writing things and send by email with a sentence that I didn't feel I was given the chance to speak. Would that be acceptable?

OP posts:
wishingforapositiveyear · 13/03/2020 23:23

Are the children living with people who abused you ? I am struggling to understand but also confused why they'd call you if your not directly involved. You don't need to put names and identifying details to make what your saying understandable.

Ellisandra · 13/03/2020 23:23

Acceptable to whom?
Don’t muddy the waters throwing in about not being given the chance to speak.
Still to the facts about your concerns, and email those.
I’m sorry for the abuse you suffered yourself Flowers

minipie · 13/03/2020 23:25

I think I will try to find a short sharp way of writing things and send by email with a sentence that I didn't feel I was given the chance to speak. Would that be acceptable?

Sounds perfect. If possible copy to another member of the social work team, not just the one who contacted you.

caketiger · 13/03/2020 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoMoreDickheads · 13/03/2020 23:28

I haven't found your posts particularly hard to understand OP.

Some social workers are kind and conscientious, some aren't. Sad

Perhaps have a word with the police about everything that's happening?

Samtsirch · 13/03/2020 23:28

I would say that without doing something which may result in you being arrested
Just keep saying it.

Samtsirch · 13/03/2020 23:32

By which I mean don’t harm yourself/ get yourself into trouble,
But keep on saying what you need to say, in whatever format.
Just keep saying it.

Wauden · 13/03/2020 23:34

OP, I think that I might understand what you are saying.

Are you worried about speaking out and not being heard properly?
I do not mean to pry but I was reading earlier today about Operation Bullfinch, to name an example.
Is this related to a criminal organised gang and you are concerned about speaking out?

And that Social Services are not taking this seriously?

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/03/2020 23:35

OP, she didnt call you to listen to your statement, she was calling to get answers to her questions. I think YAB a bit U here.

Bowerbird5 · 13/03/2020 23:36

Unfortunately not all Social Workers are good. You could ask to speak to her superior.

MovingBriskyOn · 13/03/2020 23:40

I'm not trying to be a cow to you, OP.

And I'm sorry that you've had a tough time yourself previously.

But unless the same person/family are involved with this situation, why would you expect the SW to know about your historical situation much less be sensitive to it?

And although some posters have understood you, many more on this thread have not.

My concern is that your main thrust seems to be that you wanted to report something, but don't feel you have done effectively and you're not prepared to keep trying because of how it made you feel.
Hence my earlier post. Your concern is either to protect someone from something happening now or not because it upsets you if you dont get a suitably sympathetic/empathetic response?