Strange Conversation with a Social Worker

[StressedtoHellandBack]

I had a call from a Social Worker. I do think she was a Social Worker but was not showing any traits that I would expect from a Social Worker. I would expect a Social Worker to be caring, understanding and kind.
She asked what I am worried about. When I tried to tell her she spoke over me and interrupted all the time. She did not allow me to speak at all and although she claimed she called me to gain some clarity all she really did was to cause further concerns that anyone I know should be involved with a person like that in an official capacity. If someone is distressed and has to face someone so nasty and unpleasant I don't know how they would cope. I am not having problems of any description but this woman was probably the most difficult person I have ever spoken to. I was in a job where I spoke to a lot of people every working day!
There was something I said about a man who was being inappropriate with a teenager and I was told that Social Workers would not be interested in that. She said that Social Workers were not interested in vulnerable people being bullied or attacked or a man watching children playing every time children were outside. I thought Social Workers were there to protect children and also vulnerable people but this woman said this was not the case.
Her conduct was enough to put me off ever talking to a Social Worker at any future point. She seemed to have no understanding of the situation or the damage being done. There is isolating of people from family and friends. She does not see that if an adult will not go into a situation, why is a child left in that same situation.
I really would appreciate any help with this situation. I don't want to make things any worse for some vulnerable people who are already under the control of some unpleasant persons.
Am I Being Unreasonable to think a Social Worker should be protecting children and vulnerable people and being a whole lot more interested in listening than talking over another person in a conversation that she instigated.

@Ellisandra not sure why you’re rolling your eyes really. Think the OP’s point is that the word ‘elementary’ itself means ‘principle’ or ‘relating to the rudimentary parts of a subject’ so based on very basic etymology it is logical to assume that elementary is the primary part of education, it’s really another word for ‘primary.’ I am British and was quite able to understand that. The same way that if you said primary school age, you’d probably find it unreasonable for somebody not to understand what stage of education it was. It’s quite different to expecting somebody foreign to know where year Reception falls, which is a specific year of education, rather than a whole school. A lot of you are being unnecessarily unpleasant to the OP, who is obviously trying to be discrete due to the sensitivity of the topic.

@Wauden I have googled Operation Bullfinch. As horrible as that is this is not the same thing. This is about a coercively abusive man who somehow manages to get others to join him in abusing people in a rotation at times. I don't know how he manages it but it has been going on for a great number of years. His big problem is that I have seen him as is and I am not being obedient to him, in fact I go against him. I would doubt if he would actually attack me physically. He has more hurtful ways of causing harm.
@wishingforapositiveyear the children are living with the people who abused me. The children are learning to be abusive in exactly the same way which is not the children learning how to live in harmony with others. If the children act like this in school they could be in trouble with teachers or in playground fights.

OP please phone the department back and request another contact.

I’m a childhood abuse survivor. Parent based, he’s now dead. If you have concerns on your abuser, abusing someone else, I hope you get a better listening ear. What you’re trying to do is very brave. Please don’t give up.

To those with shitty comments, I think if you can’t understand then either question kindly or don’t comment.

@MovingBriskyOn - it is the same family group who caused the harm to me that is involved with the current situation. Social Services have known for about 10 years that these people have been abusing me. They wrote to me about it.
That is the crucial point in this. These people have abused me and I am an adult. It was so bad that I will not go anywhere near them and this includes such things like if I have an appointment I will phone and ask if X Y or Z have appointments that day. I should be able to stand up for myself but I cant. I lost confidence. What harm would losing confidence do to a child. I have my qualifications to look at to prove that they think I am stupid but here are my qualifications and none or them have those (or any) qualifications. A young child does not have any exam results to look at a feel that they did achieve. This is also why I find the criticism on this thread difficult. I am not incoherent I have been harmed in many ways. I do not want the children harmed similarly by the people I know or the Social Worker I spoke to.

Perhaps you could give the NSPCC a call to report your concerns about the children / young people? It's important that information of this nature is shared.

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/report/

Also, it sounds like you need some support your self as this is very close to home. Perhaps consider contacting this organisation?

napac.org.uk

Hope things improve soon.

@Sycamoretrees thank you for that information. I have spoken to NSPCC and they were helpful.
I will contact napac on Monday

OP, while I admire your courage in contacting SS in the first place in the circumstances, in this situation, the SW is interested in your testimony only insofar as it’s credible evidence that a child is at risk. Your backstory, while of enormous importance to you, like your exam results, is not relevant to this SW, who is presumably investigating a report about an underage third party.

I think that, perhaps understandably, you are confusing the treatment of the victim of abuse with the treatment of a possible witness of someone else’s abuse.

It’s still not clear to me from your posts whether this child or children likely to be considered at risk of harm, by SS criteria. What you seem to be saying is that the children are learning to abuse others in ways you suggest might get them into playground fights and isn't living ‘in harmony’ with others. Which could mean anything, really.

You are brave.
Maybe keep notes of conversations?

Just a heads up that Napac are not open every day of the week and not 24 / 7, you may need to be patient and keep calling, the help they offer is effective but not always immediate.

Email them a written statement

@Horsefeather I didn't say anything to SW about my qualifications I do not think that would help at all. What I meant was that I have proof in my qualifications that I have once achieved results which re-assured me that I have a better past than more recent things. It is a psychological reminder to me that these people are talking rubbish.
The poor children do not have any back up of that nature. They are constantly criticised just as I was. At my lowest ebb I got out things like my Quals and other such documents to re assure myself.
It may be that I am more affected by the abuse than I thought and again that is new information to me. I thought I was coming back to my previous life. Maybe not. All the more reason to try to get help to the children. The attitude of the Social Worker has not helped. I felt I was right back there being upset by someone's verbal nastiness.
I still think she was very rude and not a good representative of that occupation. This manner of speaking to people would have been considered a sackable offence in my line of work.

It sounds like you were verbally abused by carers or parents, and they now have other minors in their charge suffering the same?

OP, please don’t take this offensively, but are you autistic? I ask just because of your communication style.

You’re not stupid, it sounds like you’ve been told that before. You communicate your concern and empathy very clearly and intelligently. Please be proud of how brave you are to face your abuse to help others.
X

You sometimes won’t get the answers or the justice you need
It takes a long time to reconcile with that.
It will always carry on in different forms , but the best defence you can have is to look after your self, know the truth, but don’t let it define you.
You can’t save every single person but you can know what is healthy for your self.

I agree sometimes you need to fight for the truth to come out. I hear pain in your posts and really feel for you. I don't want to be presumptuous but would it help if you talk through your own personal experiences with someone sympathetic and kindxxx It may also help you 'fight' this out.xxx

Eebyegum,
I don’t think it’s offensive to talk about autism 😊 ,it’s not an insult, it’s just a way of being, another way of expressing oneself.
A rather popular way perhaps 😊

@eeehbyegum it was not my parents or carers who have abused me. I wonder how it would be received if I said who the abusers are. My parents saw it and stepped in several times. They saw a lot more than I realised. My parents are dead now and this was significant in that without parents I was seen as an easy target I think. The abusers do have young children in their care. I have never been told I was autistic but at times I have wondered. I have constantly been told that I am stupid for a very long time. Apparently I am incapable of the simplest of tasks. The children are also told this.
@Samtsirch I decided to look after myself but then I realised that in doing so I have left children in a situation that I would not tolerate for myself. I feel bad about that. The children do not have any other options.
@Astressie I am arranging to meet with someone in connection with all that has happened.

Are you able to get a copy or print out of this thread and present it to various authorities or counsellors.
Nobody here thinks you are stupid.

You come across as very articulate , and obviously are computer literate, so use that to your advantage in the best way you can.

@Samtsirch I can print this thread. That is a very good idea. It shows at least I tried to speak out and that I do care about the children. It would save having to say it all out loud.

You also mentioned that social services wrote to you regarding abuse you suffered.
It would be helpful to have a copy of that correspondence.
If necessary you can contact social services under the Freedom of Information Act and request access to any records they hold in relation to yourself.

OP I wouldn't give social services this thread.
A one sided document clearly and simply laying out your concerns about the dc would be more useful.
Try and be really specific about what these concerns are.
For example. I am concerned the dc are being neglected, there isn't enough food for meals in the house.
Or.
I am concerned the dc are being emotionally abused, their families regularly say xxx to them.
It sounds as though you are talking about emotional abuse which is harder to prove than some other forms of abuse. You need to be really clear and methodical in laying out your concerns.
The Nspcc can make a referral on your behalf if you would like support with this.

Are people being deliberately obtuse

Yep. I never quite understand the scramble to be the most completely baffled on threads where 30 seconds reading between the lines can really help.

I don't think the position is anything like as unclear as some people have tried to make out!

The OP was contacted by a social worker for clarification over a situation that she had knowledge of, but had not reported herself. The SW was rude, dismissive and talked over the OP while she was trying to say her piece.
The SW has now put the OP off having anything to do with such people again, despite being worried about vulnerable people she knows being left in an abusive situation.

How is it hard? Yes the first post was a little scrambled but it's easy enough to pick it up from subsequent posts without being rude and dismissive to the OP.

OP - I think you would do well to write down what you know and send it to the SW's office, preferably not to that SW who called you, but to a superior (if you can find the name). She may be the caseworker but a superior should still know about the case too.

I'm sorry you've had that experience - many SWs are caring and want to do their best for people, but, as with ANY profession, you do get some people who have either been worn down by their job, or who weren't really suited to it in the first place.

I don't find your posts difficult to understand at all. Everyone communicates differently and someone in that role should have the skills and patience to draw the necessary information from someone. What if they were to speak over a child that was struggling to talk about their abuse? Surely good communication skills are important as a SW.
As suggested by others I would try and speak to someone else. Don't give up, you're being very brave considering everything you've been through yourself. Ignore the unkind and unhelpful comments.

Is it possible that the social worker is only concerned about the children currently being affected and is not interested particularly in hearing about your own personal experiences? I can see how this would offend you. But perhaps they literally need the facts relating to a current danger. Seek out therapy for yourself in order to discuss your own personal abuse. With regards to the social worker - keep things relevant to the current danger and avoid talking about your own experience.