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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you report this to safeguarding ?

102 replies

Floral89x · 13/03/2020 19:45

I work in a school and have discovered that a year 11 girl is having a relationship with a year 9 boy. I know it happens the other way round. Just a bit concerning as the girl is 16 and the boy is 13 almost 14, even though he looks more like 18. Do you think I should report this to safeguarding just in case ? Thanks

OP posts:
DaffodilSunshine · 13/03/2020 19:46

I would speak to your school safeguarding lead and follow their advice

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 19:47

Thank you. I will pass it on though I don't think there is much they can do. They cannot control what goes on outside of school.

OP posts:
Booboostwo · 13/03/2020 19:48

On the face of it, no. Why would it be an issue that a 16yo is dating a 14yo? Is there anything else going on here?

OhLook · 13/03/2020 19:48

I'm not sure why you would ask on here before asking the appropriate person at your school? It's worrying that school staff ask for safeguarding advice from Mumsnet..

ProfessorPollington · 13/03/2020 19:48

Yes report to safeguarding lead asap. This is a serious safeguarding issue.

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 19:51

It's because she is the legal age of consent and the boy isn't, though again the school can't really control what goes on outside. I will report it on Monday.

OP posts:
Sootyandsweep2019 · 13/03/2020 19:55

I really, really don't see how two school pupils, one age 16 and one 14 would be a safeguarding risk for anybody

bobstersmum · 13/03/2020 20:03

There isn't anything to report?

iamkahleesi · 13/03/2020 20:08

It is worrying that the answer to this isn't clear to someone who works in a school. They perhaps need to refresh their safeguarding training. Yes please report this to your DSL. If there is ever anything that makes you question whether or not to report it then the answer is always yes, report. Better for lots of unnecessary things to be reported than a single significant issue be missed.

iamkahleesi · 13/03/2020 20:11

The age of consent to any form of sexual activity is 16 for both men and women. The age of consent is the same regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of a person and whether the sexual activity is between people of the same or different gender.
It is an offence for anyone to have any sexual activity with a person under the age of 16. However, Home Office guidance [1] is clear that there is no intention to prosecute teenagers under the age of 16 where both mutually agree and where they are of a similar age.

There is a big difference between 13 and 16 - these wouldn't be classed as close in age

grannyshark · 13/03/2020 20:28

How can you not know this ?! You urgently need safeguarding refresher training

CecileMilkins · 13/03/2020 20:31

Unless he’s SEN or there are other issues then no.

Freshnewus · 13/03/2020 20:32

Why would there be an issue? They are 2 years apart?

MrsJoshNavidi · 13/03/2020 20:36

My D niece started going out with a 14 year old when she was 18. They are mid/late 20s now and getting married in August.

Theflying19 · 13/03/2020 20:36

By this judgment you should forthwith report all 15 year olds going out with 16 year olds.

Beansandcoffee · 13/03/2020 20:37

Why wait until Monday? Can you not report online?

HindsightIs2020 · 13/03/2020 20:41

You work in a school so should already know the answer to this. Please ask for refresher training as a matter of urgency.

Doggybiccys · 13/03/2020 20:41

my first proper boyfriend (as in sexually active) was nearly 3 years younger than me. So he was 2 months shy of 15 and I was 17 when we DTD. But he lost his virginity at 13 and looked about 18. He was a regular in the local pub at 15! But we were country folks and nobody really bothered back then

Freddiefox · 13/03/2020 20:44

Yes you should report, he’s 13

slipperywhensparticus · 13/03/2020 20:46

If you work in a school you know the answer

And dating doesnt necessarily mean sexual activity even these days

Illberidingshotgun · 13/03/2020 20:47

What is your school policy on this? I presume it is to pass any concerns onto your DSL and discuss the next steps with them? Are you not supported to discuss and raise SG concerns?

When you say that they are in a relationship, have you been lead to believe that they are having sex? As you state that he is below the age of consent then I suspect that you believe they are. 13 is very young though, to be in a regular, consensual sexual relationship. Obviously SS and/or the police may decide that there is mutual consent and that there isn't a legal case, but that is not your decision to make, your role is simply to share the information with your DSL and act according to their guidance.

formerbabe · 13/03/2020 20:48

I don't know the answer but I'm surprised you don't.

LyndaSnellsSniff · 13/03/2020 20:49

The issue is whether this is a sexual relationship. The girl is over the age of consent but the boy is not. If it is a sexual relationship, this could cause a lot of trouble for the girl if it was discovered.

That he looks like an 18 year old is irrelevant.

Have a chat to the safeguarding lead. This is their field of expertise and they will be able to advise you.

dottycat123 · 13/03/2020 20:50

Recent level 3 safeguarding children training. We were told it would be very unusual to take any action around teenagers in a relationship with around a two year and gap.

Tolleshunt · 13/03/2020 20:51

Genuine question, as I feel really old and out of date when I read threads like these, but is it illegal for anyone just over 16 to go out with anybody younger?

I realise a sexual relationship would be against the law, but are they not allowed to date? It seems really intrusive to me, to report this unless there is good reason to suggest they’re having sex. As a teen I would have felt a little like I was being reported/watched by the Stasi. I expect I am very out of touch, though.