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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you report this to safeguarding ?

102 replies

Floral89x · 13/03/2020 19:45

I work in a school and have discovered that a year 11 girl is having a relationship with a year 9 boy. I know it happens the other way round. Just a bit concerning as the girl is 16 and the boy is 13 almost 14, even though he looks more like 18. Do you think I should report this to safeguarding just in case ? Thanks

OP posts:

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:17

quix really?? .... so when you were at school would you have expected teachers to report back on students dating? It never happened when I was at school, and nor should it.
A parent can hardly know what is going on at school ... majority of dating happens outside of school ... parents responsibility.

Honestly, I don’t get this mind set at all. Shock horror of a 2 year dating age gap

Beebie2 · 14/03/2020 16:23

Speak to your safeguarding lead - you’re not going to get into trouble for passing on a concern. Even if the safeguarding lead can’t do anything, you’ve made them aware, which is as much as you can do.

QuixoticQuokka · 14/03/2020 16:28

An over two year age gap at that age, if there was a high likelihood of sexual activity, I'd have expected a teacher to report, yes. 15 and 17, not really, but 13 and 16, yes. I know others may disagree and it can be a grey area once they are in their teens. I may be biased as, unlike the boy mentioned in the OP, my DS is physically little more than a child at 13 though.

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:38

13 going on 14 and only 2 school year difference. The girl could be just turned 16. To me, it’s not the schools business ... parents are responsible for their children. I wouldn’t expect school to monitor my dating situation ... that’s my job as their parent.

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:39

Also, why do you assume there’s a high likelihood of sexual activity??

QuixoticQuokka · 14/03/2020 16:43

Also, why do you assume there’s a high likelihood of sexual activity??
I didn't, I said 'if'.

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:45

But no one would know the likelihood of sexual activity ...

QuixoticQuokka · 14/03/2020 16:49

If anything was happening at school so that the school was aware then I think it is the school's business. The school is responsible for children when they are at school. I think the school year is irrelevant, it's the over two year age gap with the boy being only 13 that would be worrying for me.

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:52

What are they likely to be doing at school?
Chatting, sitting together at lunch, holding hands maybe .... that’s not a safeguarding issue ....

Massive over reaction imo.

QuixoticQuokka · 14/03/2020 16:55

I obviously went to a different secondary school to you.

Whattodo1610 · 14/03/2020 16:57

Enlighten me then ... seriously, what do you think they’ll get up to on school premises during school hours?

Ponoka7 · 14/03/2020 17:03

@argueifnecessary, that isn't what Safeguarding is about. If the 13 year old was immature etc it would be checked via a chat, that they were making informed consent choices.

To the person who asked about over 16s dating anyone younger, the concern there could include grooming, which is now an offence.

13 year olds are deemed as vulnerable. They can't consent to sex, unlike at 14, legally speaking.

I think most parents would want to know about the behaviour of their 13 year old.

FenellaVelour · 14/03/2020 17:25

If a teacher knows of students dating with a large (over two year) age gap then I would expect them to make a report to social services.

What on Earth do you think social services will do?!

Shinjirarenai · 15/03/2020 02:18

I'll bet the lad is absolutely delighted.

Keep your bloody nose out of it.

caulkheaded · 15/03/2020 06:49

It will be a phone call to MASH (social care) if the school have concerns like one of the students is especially vulnerable. They will say for school to monitor.

School will have a conversation with the students about appropriate and consenting relationships.

Graciebobcat · 15/03/2020 06:54

What is hoped to be achieved by reporting it to safeguarding, what action would actually be taken?

motherheroic · 15/03/2020 07:01

Has she just turned 16 or is she on her way to leaving school?

motherheroic · 15/03/2020 07:04

I have absolutely no idea what a 18 year old wants with a 14 year old. Uni age Vs year 9. Gross.

ProfessorPollington · 15/03/2020 07:08

If you were one of my teachers I would be shocked you asked Mumsnet. It does show a lack of competence on your part I am afraid or that you have been poorly trained Some posters above have been tough on you but I am afraid you have missed the key part that all concerns get reported for assessment to the DSL. Sorry as you clearly don't want to hear that.

userabcname · 15/03/2020 07:20

If this is real then op you need to get this thread taken down. As I'm sure you know from it being covered extensively during teacher training and regularly being brought up during your own school's training, you should not be posting anywhere about your school online, unless it's on your school's own site or social media. I find it very very hard to believe you need to post such an inane question online - the sex of the pupil does not and never has changed the safeguarding approaches we need to take. Remove this thread and please speak to your safeguarding lead at school as a matter of urgency about further training since you don't seem particularly capable and turning to strangers on the internet about it is hugely unprofessional.

Procrastination4 · 15/03/2020 08:02

KatnissK ????? Seriously? This school could be anywhere in the U.K., Europe or the world! (Or could be a work of fiction!)

Whattodo1610 · 15/03/2020 09:00

mother .... when did the girl in question jump 2 years in age?

CecileMilkins · 15/03/2020 13:17

In the UK, 14 year olds can’t consent to sex “legally speaking” or otherwise.

That said, it’s rare for close in age teenagers to be prosecuted for it.

Beansandcoffee · 15/03/2020 13:52

Graciebobcat Because it’s the law. If more people had been strong and had reported the grooming cases then perhaps a young girl would not have died. This isn’t as serious but it is still a safeguarding issue and we are told not to look away or ignore these issues however small they might seem or be.

Beansandcoffee · 15/03/2020 13:53

Shinjirarenai - sexist shite. Doesn’t matter which way it is it is still a safeguarding issue. Boys will boys attitude is out of fashion now you know.

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