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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you report this to safeguarding ?

102 replies

Floral89x · 13/03/2020 19:45

I work in a school and have discovered that a year 11 girl is having a relationship with a year 9 boy. I know it happens the other way round. Just a bit concerning as the girl is 16 and the boy is 13 almost 14, even though he looks more like 18. Do you think I should report this to safeguarding just in case ? Thanks

OP posts:
dottycat123 · 13/03/2020 20:51

Age gap not and gap

IncognitoIsMyFavouriteWord · 13/03/2020 20:55

You report all relationships if one of them is the age of consent and the other isn't?

In that case, all my boyfriends from when I was 13-16 should have been reported then.

That seems ridiculous to me.

Is he a vulnerable 13-year-old? Or is it just the fact that she is 16?

RuffleCrow · 13/03/2020 20:55

I thought there was a sensible rule about relationships between teenagers two or less years apart?

MouthBreathingRage · 13/03/2020 20:56

You are a teacher! You should have had hours of training on safeguarding and similar over the years. I recognise you OP, and I'm still wondering why you persist on asking these very odd questions in relation to teaching professional practices on AIBU.

Babybel90 · 13/03/2020 21:02

I thought the rule was that if you weren’t sure whether to report or not then you report and let someone higher up make the decision as to whether it needs following up.

PurpleCrowbarWhereIsLangCleg · 13/03/2020 21:03

You report it to your designated safeguarding lead.

It's safeguarding 101: if you're thinking 'hmmmm, should I report this? I'm not sure. Maybe it's a fuss about nothing'...

...then you have just become a safeguarding problem.

You report. & you let the person whose job it is to lose sleep over these situations, DO their job, with the best information available.

& then you go back to teach your class knowing that you've made the right call, & that whilst your own safeguarding training is limited (not a dig; I've taught for 20 years & been trained multiple times, & it all comes down to 'if in doubt flag it up'), you have passed the information on responsibly.

Melroses · 13/03/2020 21:06

You report. & you let the person whose job it is to lose sleep over these situations, DO their job, with the best information available.

Yes this.

A similar situation arose in my DC's school year and it did not end well.

It is your responsibility to report and for others to decide what to do about it.

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:07

Thanks for replies ! People who are saying why have you posted on here. Why does anyone post on here ? What is a forum for if you aren't allowed to ask questions, maybe I want to be anonymous ?

This hasn't come up before and because you have been trained in something, doesn't mean you will never doubt yourself in any situation at all related to it.

Thanks to those who have been helpful.

OP posts:
lyralalala · 13/03/2020 21:09

Why is it concerning because she is older whereas you seem to suggest in your OP that you wouldn’t be surprised the other way around?

It’s either an issue, in which case report it to your safeguarding bod, or it’s not

It shouldn’t suddenly be an issue because the girl is the older one for a change

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:09

To the person who's whinged that I am a teacher so apparently i should know everything about everything and why I am posting 'odd' questions ? I've posted twice, and people are allowed to get a second opinion on things.

OP posts:
Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:10

That's true, I just meant it happens more often the other way around, but it is still the same concern.

OP posts:
Foofedifiknow · 13/03/2020 21:18

Similar issue last 3w - girl now pregnant Report and rule of thumb if ever find yourself wondering whether to report or not just report!

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:21

Thanks for the advice,I will report Monday !

OP posts:
ButtonMoonLoon · 13/03/2020 21:21

I’m finding it really bizarre that you’re posting on here to ask the question instead of following your school Safeguarding procedures.

whiplashy · 13/03/2020 21:22

I find it worrying that you felt it relevant to include that he looks older than his age

Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:22

Ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Floral89x · 13/03/2020 21:26

This is what winds me up about the site, people spewing out "really bizarre", "really weird" etc.
I've never encountered this before and I was curious to have others' opinions. That's all.

OP posts:
Luunaa · 13/03/2020 21:28

I'm a DSL and I'd want to know.

If you ever have a 'should I report this...' feeling, speak to your DSL. It's what they're there for :)

MouthBreathingRage · 13/03/2020 21:30

Sorry to teacher-splain further to you op. I know you've only been working in education a few years so you might not be aware that there's specific forums for your teaching queries out there. Here's a link:

community.tes.com/forums/workplace-dilemmas.96/

Perhaps you'll find more useful advice from your peers, rather than the majority of AIBU who have not seen the inside of a classroom since they themselves were teens Smile.

Sockmonster23 · 13/03/2020 21:40

I had a 'boyfriend' when I was in year 10 and he was year 8. I was 14 /15 and him 12/13 he was tall and looked more like my age at the time. Guess what it wasn't sexual at all, holding hands down the park after school for 30 mins or so , chatting and kisses not full on though in school breaks. No teacher was concerned. It was so innocent, we didn't even see each other at the weekends. It fizzled out and that was that. This was over 30 years ago. I Expect teenagers in secondary 'date' all the time, unless some serious stuff is going on. Do you have proof?

mumwon · 13/03/2020 21:41

(a) what do you mean by relationship? How do you know exactly how far it has gone?
(b) would you report them if it were the other way round?

Northernwarrior · 13/03/2020 22:24

This is one of the common sense moments. You are being ridiculous op

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 13/03/2020 22:26

My D niece started going out with a 14 year old when she was 18

So a sixth former dating a year 9?? Grim

Melancholymuffin · 13/03/2020 22:26

The fact you have a ask seriously flags up your professional judgment.
The rule with safeguarding is ALWAYS report if you have any concern and let your safeguarding leads decide if it’s worth it. Could be a very small part of a very big puzzle.
Are you NQT?

MrsJoshNavidi · 13/03/2020 22:32

It seemed ok at the time. She was a young 18. I'm pretty sure there was no hanky panky. Both sets of parents were fully aware and involved.

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