Husband obsessed with being social media influenced

[Samantha23765]

What do I do?

I am the main breadwinner. I have a 8 week old baby and worked my arse of last year so that I could take 9 months off with baby and not rush back (like I did with our first child). Plan was hubby would be able to pick up much more work whilst I looked after both children so that I can have this extended time off work.

However, he has not made any effort to find more work (he is a personal trainer and has about 5 hours work A WEEK!) Instead he is obsessed with becoming a social influencer. This involves looking at videos and pictures and buying video equipment and talking about it all the time. He has barely posted anything yet.

I am soooo disappointed, hurt, frustrated. I don't know what to do or say. I'm just fed up with him being in the house all the time looking at Tiktok and YouTube. I just want him to go to work and provide for us. He is upset with me for not sharing his enthusiasm and supporting him. I don't know what to do. I haven't said much to him because I want him to be happy, and I don't want to rock the boat (our relationship isn't great at the moment).

Any advise would be greatly received.

That would drive me mad. The likelihood of making any decent income from being an ‘influencer’ is so slim! Can he not do an actual job for 30hrs or so a week then set up the social media side as a hobby to see how it goes? It sounds very selfish and irresponsible of him.

So, you're supposed to "support" his pie in the sky asinine dreams but he won't support you after birthing your second child? Fuck no.

Tell the selfish twat to go and get an actual job.

Does he not realise that for every Joe Wicks there is probably hundreds of thousands of wannabes that make exactly fuck all money from this?

Agree that he needs to do it as a sideline after he has concentrated on building up a decent paying client base as a PT, which does have the potential of bringing in a decent income.

Sounds like he needs a job and have is Personal Training on the side

Why does he need cameras to do anything.

Can’t he start off filming on his phone.

My take on anything that you are trying to copy what others do is the ship has sailed and you need to come up with something original.

It is the equivalent of jumping on the Bitcoin bandwagon when everyone has made the money.
Iyswim

There was an article on bbc yesterday about popular tik tok makers in the UK. They said they only made about 20k a year. He's better off sticking to his normal work!

Has he actually had any business advice on what he would need to do to turn this into a sustainable income? That could be the first step.
i.e how many advertiser deals does he need to secure, how many clients does he need to engage through his influencing, what brands is he targeting for sponsorship.
He needs to develop a business plan - you could bring this up in a positive way i.e talk to him about what particular influencers he is following whose income he knows, what numbers he is targeting on terms of engagement etc
Personally I think influencing as a job is bollocks, but some people make it work, it seems.

Here it is

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/amp/business-50987803

Nothing to stop him doing YouTube videos in his spare time for exercising but make it unique to one group of people at a time.
E.g. exercise routine for those with arthritis etc

Advice? Accept that he is a lazy, deluded fantasist who will never change. Then it's your choice - get rid or accept that you will be carrying his worthless, non-productive arse for the rest of your life.

Oh I would cringe so badly if my DH decided he wanted to be a SM influencer. This is not something regular adults do.

As a hobby, sure. Putting it before providing for family (he equally created) NO WAY. Ask him why you and the kids are not enough. A lot of this social media stuff is about wanting adoration, feeling in competition with others (who's lives bear no resemblance), needing validation etc. Can you put up with being second to this need of his, for years to come?

Does he tend towards 'get rich quick' schemes generally? Is he another one of these 'this time next year we'll all be milliionaires?' Or is he generally quite grounded and sensible?

If it's really out of character then he may be suffering a bout of depression at being the main breadwinner for the period until you go back to work. Or he may just be an idiot who really thinks that he's going to strike it big. In which case he needs to start small (in his spare time) and try to work his way into a niche.

Reminds me of all these people who are going to write a best seller and give up their day jobs to sit on their laptops reading How to Write A Bestseller articles on Buzzfeed.

If he wants to sit around at home behaving like a teenager, I'd leave.

Try having a fact based conversation with him, perhaps even by email if arguments flare up. Say something like

• You want him to have his dream but the family needs money.
• It is not fair that you bring in almost all the money. You have dreams too and your children need time with their mum.
• he needs to find a way to contribute financially.
• making money through social media influencing is a slow slow process that also involves a huge amount of luck.
• being a social media influencer can be done with no equipment/ investment. He shouldn’t be spending money on it.
• in addition to his social media efforts, he needs to also have a more traditional job, just like aspiring actors/musicians all have day jobs.
• can he eg get a job in a gym or even something unrelated like a supermarket, and set aside a certain amount of time and NO more each week to ‘follow his dream’
• unless you live remotely he should be able to get much more than 5 hrs personal training a week, if he can’t then the day job should be in a different field.

Basically he needs a serious reality check. We all have dreams about doing a fun and fulfilling job but you know what mostly that doesn’t work out.

Good luck xx

Tell him you will be supportive when he is doing at least 30 paid hours personal training , pulling his weight at home, and pursuing his influencer goals in his remaining time.

That is not a lot to ask.

I hope you're not sharing this hard earned money

My friend is a mostly full-time influencer with hundreds of thousands of Instagram followers. He makes half what I do even after supplementing his income with freelance work, lives with his parents and constantly tells me that his life is lonely and empty. It's not what it's cracked up to be.

Is this Nadia Sawalha posting? Her husband is doing the same thing.

Is he 17?

Start an Instagram account called Sam@lifeasthewifeofawouldbeinfluencer
Post about your life with two small children and an absent husband including the grind and mundanity, also post about his latest activity “DH - 6 hrs on Tiktok and bought a new tripod!”
I bet you get more followers.

Advice? Accept that he is a lazy, deluded fantasist who will never change. Then it's your choice - get rid or accept that you will be carrying his worthless, non-productive arse for the rest of your life

This.

What happened on your first maternity leave OP? how did you and your DP plan for it to be different this time ?

If he’s been working 5 hours a week all through your pregnancy and for the last 8 weeks since the baby was born, why did you think it would suddenly be different now ?

This is akin to wanting to become a footballer when you're 12

Why should you support him? Is he your child?

You need to sit down and have a brutally honest conversation with him about fixing the situation or ending the relationship. It's not normal for one person to take the weight of family life whilst the other wafts about practising TikTok moves.

Great advice from TooTrue sadly he is telling you who he is.