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Original poster

Husband obsessed with being social media influenced

146 replies

Samantha23765 · 13/03/2020 10:18

What do I do?

I am the main breadwinner. I have a 8 week old baby and worked my arse of last year so that I could take 9 months off with baby and not rush back (like I did with our first child). Plan was hubby would be able to pick up much more work whilst I looked after both children so that I can have this extended time off work.

However, he has not made any effort to find more work (he is a personal trainer and has about 5 hours work A WEEK!) Instead he is obsessed with becoming a social influencer. This involves looking at videos and pictures and buying video equipment and talking about it all the time. He has barely posted anything yet.

I am soooo disappointed, hurt, frustrated. I don't know what to do or say. I'm just fed up with him being in the house all the time looking at Tiktok and YouTube. I just want him to go to work and provide for us. He is upset with me for not sharing his enthusiasm and supporting him. I don't know what to do. I haven't said much to him because I want him to be happy, and I don't want to rock the boat (our relationship isn't great at the moment).

Any advise would be greatly received.

OP posts:
MintySpud · 13/03/2020 12:08

I could not be with a man who behaved like a silly adolescent.

Thelnebriati · 13/03/2020 12:09

Anyone who has a dream need to do it in their spare time outside of their normal day job. If you aren't prepared to work 2 jobs you don't have a dream.

MsChatterbox · 13/03/2020 12:10

Tell him that everyone successful on social media built up their success whilst working a full time job and only quit their job when they had a full time income from their online success. I feel for you I really do.

billy1966 · 13/03/2020 12:12

God help you OP.
What a waster.
11 years of carrying him.

@TooTrueToBeGood
👏
This is the reality OP.

Protect yourself.

BabyItsAWildWorld · 13/03/2020 12:13

He's living in a fantasy world and you're letting him.

I'm incredulous that you don't say any thing to him because you don't want to 'rock the boat'.

The boat needs to be rocked. Hard. And either he starts working with with, or he falls out the boat.

Seriously, think about what sort of life you want to lead and start making it happen. Don't spend years passively allowing this chancer to continue to live his fantasy life at your expense.

Ellisandra · 13/03/2020 12:14

Ask him how he’ll deal with being outed once he’s popular, for only ever having run a few hours of classes a week?

Bakedbrie · 13/03/2020 12:16

It’s a hobby right.....it won’t pay the bills quickly?! You gotta tell him that. He sounds very self obsessed tbh. If he’s only doing 5 hours a week training, he can’t be a particularly fit or in-demand training, if he takes his eye off that earner he could loose it. Tell him to shape up otherwise your departure with the kids will be the next riveting episode in his vlog!

AutumnRose1 · 13/03/2020 12:19

“ We share all money and I never even look at the account I just leave all that to him.”

Why???? This is utterly baffling.

lowlandLucky · 13/03/2020 12:21

Tell him you have got him an interview at McDonalds, seriously you need to sit him down today and tell him he needs to bring in money you can live on within the next 35 days

pointythings · 13/03/2020 12:24

So he gets to moan about you spending money keeping the house warm and comfortable when he doesn't contribute jack shit? Find your anger!

You would be so much better off without this 'man' in your life. You're already a single parent providing for the family. As a de facto single parent you absolutely would be entitled to help with childcare costs.

Hotchocolate321 · 13/03/2020 12:28

Jesus you've got 2 small children and are on mat leave meanwhile he's behaving like a 16 year old with a weekend job making pocket money. I think he needs to step up. I'm surprised you decided to have 2 children with someone who doesn't have any stable income, not the best idea really but not much you can do now.

Moving forward you need to tell him to get a real job, keep the pt work as a second job and the social media can be a hobby. Unless he's planning a stint on love island or similar I think the chances of jo blogs mr nobody making any money advertising/influencing is zero. He needs to start living in the real world and start acting like an adult with children to support.

Freshprincess · 13/03/2020 12:29

I have a friend who Is a PT. she has joined local gyms, running clubs, volunteered at couch to 5k, runs a free new mums session once a week and is all over local sports groups social media with advice and tips. She's really proactive and works hard at building her profile locally and is doing well.
And still she freelances as an accountant in winter to keep the cash coming in.

The fitness influencer ship has sailed, there's millions of them. He's not going to get anywhere with it unless he's prepared to put in a lot of work. And even then he probably won't make a full time income from it.

Time for a reality check.

NotNowPlzz · 13/03/2020 12:30

It is certainly possible to become an influencer with a good plan, BUT he needs to get a job at the same time.

Standrewsschool · 13/03/2020 12:32

And in this nine months you’ve carried a baby.

It’s time for him to wake up and act responsibly. Get a job! Look at local sports centres, gyms etc to see if theirs any vacancies. Something would be better than nothing. Maybe, he can do private work on the side.

Also, maybe allocating set times for his social media stuff is a good idea. Ie. If he is employed four days a week, and the fifth for his own stuff.

Some serious conversations need to be had, and don’t let him try to persuade you by saying that by a certain date, all will be okay. He’s had his chance.

Standrewsschool · 13/03/2020 12:34

And I would be pro-active and start looking at Indeed and other job sites yourself. Don’t leave it up to him. There’ll always be an excuse why there’s no progress. Applications are all online now, so you can do it together.

Youdreamedmydreamforme · 13/03/2020 12:36

My first LTB

CheddarGorgeous · 13/03/2020 12:36

Echoing everything everyone else has said. All the successful PTs I know did loads more business through personal IRL referrals. They all started small with another back up job like bar work or shop work or some other flexible job while they built up their fitness earnings.

Good luck. And maybe think about separating out your finances in the short term.

Thisisworsethananticpated · 13/03/2020 12:37

Jesus , that’s what my 11 year old wants As a job

Look you know best and if there is a chance of change here - won’t go all LTB in ya

But it’s a terribly immature attitude

daisyphase · 13/03/2020 12:38

I always wonder in these situations how it works out if the manchild does get pushed out of the family home. Surely this is just as tough financially because he can take half of the house or get alimony or what ever, because he's been supported all this time? You kick someone out for not pulling their weight but doesn't it just make things worse financially for mum and kids?

ChainsawBear · 13/03/2020 12:39

Woah. I mean, he's clearly a lazy useless cocklodger, but I think you have to acknowledge your role in sleepwalking into this. Not paying any attention to your joint budget or having any idea how much he was working or bringing in was... quite an oversight when the two of you were expecting a second child.

I think you have to learn from this. Separate finances, draw up your own budget, and tell him that the family needs him to get a job, no more fucking about saying he can't get more work and trying to be an "influencer". An actual job working for someone else like the father with responsibilities he is.

Or just get ready to split, because let's face it, he won't do that, will be?

TLBftm · 13/03/2020 12:40

This is very very similar to what a friend of mine has dealt with recently. Her DP ended up getting a couple of freebies to advertise them got a paid for trip abroad and his teeth done for free out of it.... they’re now broken up after it all went to his head, he slept with another wannabe influencer whilst on this teeth trip and he then ditched his newborn, gf and house that had gone through 2 days before!! To move hundreds of miles away with this other influencer (whom it’s now hasn’t worked out with) shock. Put a stop to it before it goes to his head honestly! This guy I speak of is like a totally different person!

Youdreamedmydreamforme · 13/03/2020 12:42

Also I think you should take charge of Tej account

Youdreamedmydreamforme · 13/03/2020 12:42

The*

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/03/2020 12:43

Is he 17?

You beat me to it
With an 11 year relationship and a wife and child I'd have thought he'd be too old for this kind of nonsense, but apparently not Sad

Thelnebriati · 13/03/2020 12:43

You kick someone out for not pulling their weight but doesn't it just make things worse financially for mum and kids?

No, it doesn't always. to start with, you don't have to pay for their stuff, their food, and their aspirational lifestyle.
Plus you remove the stress of doing it all - being the breadwinner, doing all the childcare and all the mental load.

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