Husband obsessed with being social media influenced

[Samantha23765]

What do I do?

I am the main breadwinner. I have a 8 week old baby and worked my arse of last year so that I could take 9 months off with baby and not rush back (like I did with our first child). Plan was hubby would be able to pick up much more work whilst I looked after both children so that I can have this extended time off work.

However, he has not made any effort to find more work (he is a personal trainer and has about 5 hours work A WEEK!) Instead he is obsessed with becoming a social influencer. This involves looking at videos and pictures and buying video equipment and talking about it all the time. He has barely posted anything yet.

I am soooo disappointed, hurt, frustrated. I don't know what to do or say. I'm just fed up with him being in the house all the time looking at Tiktok and YouTube. I just want him to go to work and provide for us. He is upset with me for not sharing his enthusiasm and supporting him. I don't know what to do. I haven't said much to him because I want him to be happy, and I don't want to rock the boat (our relationship isn't great at the moment).

Any advise would be greatly received.

If he can't get clients through his attempts to advertise, he needs to go out to get a job.

Social influencing has had its day. People have come to realise that the vast majority of influencers don't recommend products because they're good but because someone has paid them to do so, and they have therefore become disenchanted. There is, quite simply, no future in it.

If your partner isn't prepared to accept all of this he needs to leave: there is no reason whatsoever why you should continue to maintain him.

Nope, at the most it's a hobby outside of work

Surely even if his not contributing financially was not previously a “dealbreaker” for you, it is now?

Oh ffs, what a waste of space.

OP, I know you're exhausted with a young baby, but please sit him down and spell out the reality of the situation. He's a father of two who's practically doing bugger all on a practical (i.e. around the house) or financial level. Time to grow up and get on with life.

SM is addictive, I have to limit my DC's time on it, and he's let himself get sucked in. He needs to get off the screens and start using his brain to fix this situation.

You can support someone to follow an ambition or start a business, but not forever. At some point they have either broken through and made a go of it, or they haven't.

I dont think this is something you can talk through with him, unfortunately. You can't talk selfish people into being anything but what they are.

If you are supporting yourself as is, I'd look into leaving him. Perhaps he will buck up his ideas and get a job and can prove he is worthwhile giving one last chance but otherwise, he'll only ever drain the life out of you.

Reminds me of all these people who are going to write a best seller and give up their day jobs to sit on their laptops reading How to Write A Bestseller articles on Buzzfeed.

Haha @Zaphodsotherhead I feel personally attacked 😂

This : Isthistrueor

Oh I would cringe so badly if my DH decided he wanted to be a SM influencer. This is not something regular adults do.

How long has it been since he earned a wage? It sounds like at least a year.

Wise up OP. If you divorce, he could potentially get more time with the DC than you do and you could even be required to pay him spousal maintenance.

He also sounds controlling financially - with YOUR earnings!!

What an idiot. What makes him think he has any kudos to influence anyone. He as two kids, he needs to be a decent providing parent.

Point out that he will only start to feel good about himself when he actually DOES something. He will get new clients through personal recommendations, proper marketing and being bloody good at what he does. Not through posting shit on SM.

Stop pandering to his fragile ego and get tough. He needs many more paid hours of work, that should be his goal right now, not his number of followers. He can measure his success by £ in the bank more accurately.

He sounds like a complete waste of space

He wants to be a social media star to feed his ego. PT is generally poorly paid with a lot of downtime. What did he do before being a PT? He may need to fit a second job in around his five hours of work and business building.

He is simply lazy. He does not want to put the graft that earns a good income and his goals are more important than you and your dc. It’s perfectly possible to build up an online presence while holding down a full time job.

He doesn’t want to work. He thinks that celebrities and famous people do sweet FA and are just ‘lucky’. That isn’t the truth for 99% of them.

He needs to support his family, YANBU.
He is not a single fancy free agent. His ego is not going to feed and clothe anyone.

Nepotism is the agent for many a “famous” person not necessarily talent or even hard work.

My XH did this. Notice the X...

Our house is freezing because he doesn't like the central heating on because it's so expensive

First, go put the heating on. If he whines, tell him that you earn enough to be comfortable in your own home.
Then transfer your money to a separate account and tell him what his 50% of your joint expenses is (and he should of course pay 100% during the time you are without income because you are caring for joint children).

As others have said, if he has not managed to get his business off the ground in 9 months, it is not going to happen. FFS, I could pick up 5 personal training clients in the next half an hour! He needs to get a real job. If he's so great that he can support a family being a personal trainer then he can build this business up after work.

My concern in all of this is how much childcare he does or does not do.

If he is doing the lion’s share of the childcare, then he’s a SAHD with a jobette. In which case in a divorce he is likely to have the kids and you pay child and spousal maintenance.

Starting a new business is very time consuming and expensive at first, even if its successful. Doing so when you've agreed to be the main earner for a short period of time and when you have a young family, is foolish and selfish.

He should be thoroughly ashamed of himself.

I would divorce my husband over this. Sorry.

To say nothing of the financial implications, I generally find these people difficult to take seriously.

I agree with a pp. It is cringe. He needs to being in a decent wage or ship out. It would be a different story if he was trying hard to get a job but he doesn't sound like he wants to at all.

Before you LTB, have some honest conversations about your expectations.

Then give him a chance to see if he can become the responsible adult you require.

Then, if necessary, LTB.