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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to get rid of the sodding cat?

155 replies

Lemononachair · 12/03/2020 14:08

I have recently moved into a place that is my first place all to myself. Bf stays over often but hasn't officially moved in.

First night of being here a cat showed up, howling outside the door. The landlady (who lives on the same site) knows all the local cats from the neighbours and says it isn't a local cat so she believed it may have been dumped by someone out of the area.

Weather was absolutely foul that night so Bf who loves cats decided to let the cat in and she's kind of stayed ever since.

Trouble is, the cat is an asshole and a huge pain in the arse. She can be quite cute but so far since being here she has:

Peed and shat on my brand new mattress, after only having it a week

Ruined 2 brand new king size duvets, a duvet cover, sheet and a blanket by peeing on them

Ruined the new carpet by clawing at it constantly

Clawed the blow up mattress I had before buying my new one, popping it and destroying it

Clawed the borrowed sofa of the landlady's

We have bought her a scratching post and she refuses to use it. I hate litter trays and there is no cat flap but we've been letting her out regularly and she still is toileting on my bed. I can't take anymore. I can't afford to keep replacing stuff she's ruining and I never wanted the bloody cat in the first place but given the weather was so stormy and awful I felt like a horrible bitch if I didn't let her in. I don't want the responsibility of looking after her. Bf seems upset at the prospect of kicking her out but what do I do?!

I refused to get a litter tray until now because I hate the idea of having a box of shit and piss lying around inside the house, they stink and usually aren't emptied regularly, and I know if I don't do it Bf probably won't do it. He says he will but since moving in I have bought all the food and 'stuff' for her (bowls, scratching post, bed etc), done all the feeding and scrubbing her pee and poo out of my stuff. I've had enough and really want nothing more to do with it.

Wibu to kick the cat out? Or should I say that she can stay but only provided I wash my hands of ALL of her care and Bf takes over everything?

OP posts:
BarbaraofSeville · 13/03/2020 08:05

Another thing the OP could do as she is letting the cat out in the daytime is put a paper collar on it with a note and phone number 'if this cat is yours please phone 07X' as this might bring an owner forward if the cat is also going home.

BusyProcrastinator · 13/03/2020 08:37

You need a litter tray. You can train the cat to go outside later.

But just get rid of the cat. Cat is stressed. Needs love.

VenusStarr · 13/03/2020 08:50

I took in a stray years ago and she displayed similar behaviour. I took her to the vets on the Monday (had her all weekend) and she was microchipped, so the vet kept her and her owners picked her up. So I'd take the cat to the vets and take it from there.

I did provide the cat with a litter tray though 🙄

BusyProcrastinator · 13/03/2020 10:05

Yes cat needs scanned too! Would be devastated if someone was hoarding my kitties!

Notredamn · 13/03/2020 11:08

Honestly, you should have either left it to find its way home or brought it in for your local vet to scan it so it's owner could claim it.
By bringing it in because your boyfriend wanted all of the cuteness but none of the responsibility, it thinks it's found a new home and it will be cruel to get rid. But get rid I would.

TeaAndDarkToast · 13/03/2020 18:57

@thecatneuterer the cat will often mark a bed when they are 'protecting their Master's bed'. Mine used to do it and we didn't have a cat litter tray he just asked in and out at the door.

Also it would be a good idea to put some posters about a found cat on trees/lamp posts in the area

@Lemononachair
please do not follow this advice OP as posting posters on trees and lamposts is illegal. Which is why when a cat was dumped near us we posted on Gumtree, asked permission in local pet shop and the Vet kindly posted on VetNet for us to check if there was anyone missing a cat.

han2020 · 13/03/2020 19:02

YANBU - can’t the bf take the cat if he’s so taken with it?

han2020 · 13/03/2020 19:03

Oh and the wife says if the cat stays then it will definitely need a litter try or the bed will remain in peril!

Shinesweetfreedom · 13/03/2020 19:05

Please op get in touch with Cats Protection.They will come out and scan for a chip and you will be able to sign the cat over.
Please please do not put any signs up on lampposts.People who are on the look out for cats to be used as bait for dog fights could see it.

TeaAndDarkToast · 13/03/2020 19:07

and your local council can slap you with a fine for fly posting

JKScot4 · 13/03/2020 19:20

Surely nobody can be this dim??
You took a cat in ‘weeks ago’ and at no time crossed your mind about a microchip? posting her on pet groups?
I’ve scanned cats 50+ miles away from home; jumped in vans, dumped by nasty neighbours etc.
Call your local CP and they will scan and try to find a home because you are clearly not meant to have a pet.

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 19:20

"Can" is not "will". The local council will not prosecute someone for putting up lost/found pet posters. It would be a PR disaster, and a huge waste of funds. What they seem to do is ignore them and then take them down after a month or so. Flyposting laws are targeted at businesses, not Mrs Jones appealing for help with her lost cat.

I certainly have never been prosecuted for putting up found pet posters or lost pet posters. Meanwhile, this cat has been kept by the OP and bf for weeks. It's clearly a former pet, not a stray, and that means there may be people out there who are frantic. She needs to let local sanctuaries know, because people ring the local CPL to see if their cat has been handed in, to get the cat scanned for a chip, and some posters certainly wouldn't hurt.

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 19:22

Please please do not put any signs up on lampposts.People who are on the look out for cats to be used as bait for dog fights could see it.

Now that is a good point. I don't think the OP is someone who would be able to discriminate between the true owner and a shit like that.

LockForGrant · 13/03/2020 19:33

Now that is a good point. I don't think the OP is someone who would be able to discriminate between the true owner and a shit like that

How the hell do you know that?? That's right you dont.

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 19:41

LockForGrant

Because:

  1. she clearly has a boyfriend who is a useless arse with the maturity of a 12 year old,
  2. didn't know to get the cat scanned, indicating little life experience, including of pet ownership
  3. didn't think to ring up an animal sanctuary, indicating little life experience, including of pet ownership
  4. didn't get cat litter tray, when she had no cat flap, indicating poor common sense, includinf of pet ownership
  5. has been shutting this cat outside when she's at work when she has no idea whether she's spayed, indicating little life experience, including of pet ownership
  6. has had no thought whatsoever into how the real owners might be feeling about their missing cat, indicating little life experience, including of pet ownership .

If you think she could tell the difference between a genuine owner and a dog-baiter spinning a sob story about their distraught ten-year-old daughter, you're delusional.

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 19:46

P.S. Next time OP LockForGrant think about whether you'll like the answer before you ask questions.

KarmaStar · 13/03/2020 19:57

Post her picture maybe a mumsnetter will recognize the cat..or fall in love and want to spoil the cat for ever!🐈🐱

TorkTorkBam · 13/03/2020 20:03

Send the cat home with the boyfriend tonight. Don't take no for an answer from either.

Do some assertiveness training. You are currently being owned by both a man and a cat. This should be a wake up call.

TeaAndDarkToast · 13/03/2020 20:03

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1343679/Pet-owner-blasts-council-lack-compassion-threatens-1-000-fine-lost-cat-poster.html

I think posting online would be safer OP.

KarmaStar has a good example

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 20:07

TeaAndDarkToast

From 2011, and says he nailed the posters to trees.

TeaAndDarkToast · 13/03/2020 20:11

I know it's from 2011 it doesn't matter the law still stands. And yes it is the same for trees and lamposts.

Skysblue · 13/03/2020 20:54

It may have an owner who is missing it. Yes it could have been abandoned but it could also have taken an accidental ride on a delivery van or run off from a house move and got lost. You need to get it scanned by a vet or shelter to see if has a microchip.

Don’t keep a cat you hate, that’s ridiculous. Either BF rehome it or it goes to the shelter.

That said I am a cat lover and if my husband had told me before we lived together that he wouldn’t have a pet cat, I’d have dumped him. So if you aren’t willing to ever have pets in future, maybe have that chat with BF now to find out how much (or not) they matter to him, avoid wasting each others time.

MyOwnSummer · 13/03/2020 22:09

Aside from the cat issue, I'm kinda worried about a man(child) who likes cute things but won't take responsibility for them. FFS don't have a baby with him!!! Grin

PickwickThePlockingDodo · 13/03/2020 22:32

Did you find the cat's owner @Lemononachair or a new home for the poor thing?

PotholeParadise · 13/03/2020 22:53

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