Wibu to get rid of the sodding cat?

[Lemononachair]

I have recently moved into a place that is my first place all to myself. Bf stays over often but hasn't officially moved in.

First night of being here a cat showed up, howling outside the door. The landlady (who lives on the same site) knows all the local cats from the neighbours and says it isn't a local cat so she believed it may have been dumped by someone out of the area.

Weather was absolutely foul that night so Bf who loves cats decided to let the cat in and she's kind of stayed ever since.

Trouble is, the cat is an asshole and a huge pain in the arse. She can be quite cute but so far since being here she has:

Peed and shat on my brand new mattress, after only having it a week

Ruined 2 brand new king size duvets, a duvet cover, sheet and a blanket by peeing on them

Ruined the new carpet by clawing at it constantly

Clawed the blow up mattress I had before buying my new one, popping it and destroying it

Clawed the borrowed sofa of the landlady's

We have bought her a scratching post and she refuses to use it. I hate litter trays and there is no cat flap but we've been letting her out regularly and she still is toileting on my bed. I can't take anymore. I can't afford to keep replacing stuff she's ruining and I never wanted the bloody cat in the first place but given the weather was so stormy and awful I felt like a horrible bitch if I didn't let her in. I don't want the responsibility of looking after her. Bf seems upset at the prospect of kicking her out but what do I do?!

I refused to get a litter tray until now because I hate the idea of having a box of shit and piss lying around inside the house, they stink and usually aren't emptied regularly, and I know if I don't do it Bf probably won't do it. He says he will but since moving in I have bought all the food and 'stuff' for her (bowls, scratching post, bed etc), done all the feeding and scrubbing her pee and poo out of my stuff. I've had enough and really want nothing more to do with it.

Wibu to kick the cat out? Or should I say that she can stay but only provided I wash my hands of ALL of her care and Bf takes over everything?

No litter tray and you’re annoyed its toileting everywhere. Amazing.

You’ve half assed a rescue here. Wanting to do the right thing while not being bothered to do a proper job. Take the cat to a shelter like you should have done originally if you didn’t want a cat.

No mention if you ever got her checked for a chip - someone could be missing her.

Also - the cat isn’t an asshole. It’s a scared homeless (or lost cat) in a new environment it doesn’t understand and hasn’t (If homeless) has rules to obey. It’ll be marking territory etc.

No litter tray. Asshole.
Brilliant.

I'm sure a shelter will pick up if you explain the situation. I don't really get why you are considering keeping it since it's already caused you so much trouble and you don't actually like it very much!

Awh bless her if she was homeless before she’s probably very distressed.

I think you need to either decide to find a loving patient home for her or take her on properly. You can train cats to not become so much mischief! I took in a homeless cat with lots of health problems which was difficult at first but with the right care and love he’s the most loving creature in the world and a family member now. No regrets.

Oh I didn’t click on the no litter tray part..now I know that then sorry, that’s going to happen. If my cats LT isn’t clean enough for him he goes in the bath.. my other sod when he was alive used to do it on my kids beds if not up to standard.

Btw when I first got my cat he wouldn't use the litter tray or go outside to the toilet. The rescue notes said he preferred litter trays (old owner habits) so I kept it there and he still went to the loo in several places... The sofa, carpet, by the front door (even though there is a cat flat in other door!). It stopped within a week. You can't expect an animal to understand or act like a human though, it's their instinct when in a stressful new environment.

It is totally unsurprising that she is peeing everywhere if you don’t have a litter tray. They aren’t like dogs - you can’t put them out to pee.

I would call a local shelter or cats protection and have them take her in for rehoming.

Or just stick the boot in and kick me while I'm down, whatever.

Cat people

It was kind of you to take her in but the kindest thing that you could for her and for yourself now is to take her to a shelter for rehoming before you go away next weekend.

It is unfair on both of you to continue like this - you both sound distressed and unhappy and that is unfair on both of you and you are both suffering.

Thank you again for taking her in and literally giving her shelter from the storm.

I agree with grudieabbey.

Either you’re ok with having a cat or you’re not. If you are, get a litter tray (I have one and it doesn’t smell) or a cat flap, and go through a proper settling in process with her. If you’re not, give her to a rescue.

I’m not sure what you mean by “kick the cat out” but I would suggest you take her to a rescue since you’re clearly not keen and your BF can’t be arsed.

OP are you sure the cat is actually homeless?

It is not unusual for a cat to find itself another human to move in with.

Just to add, I've had cats before. Never had a litter tray. They aren't compulsory and cats can and do go out to toilet. Anyways, She's been here for weeks and only just started doing the toilet stuff, all the other things she's been doing since she arrived.

I don't think she was 'homeless' as such. She looked clean and well fed. She just wouldn't leave and kept yowling to come in.

It sounds very much as though the poor thing has been dumped or is lost.

I would get a cat flap as I think that's the kindest solution for the cat too much it's a rented place with glass doors so I can't do that.

Bf was so excited to get the cat I think I just sort of went along with it but it really isn't working for me. I've lost so much sleep and spent so much money already and I'm stressed and unhappy with the situation which isn't fair on either or us.

Think I'll be looking for the closest rescue who can pick her up.

So you've potentially kept someone else's lost cat captive?

Cats can get lost, go in cars and vans and end up miles from home, or get dumped.

You need to get it checked for a chip. Any vet or cat rescue will do this for free, just give them a call.

Get the cat scanned for a microchip.

Get rid of the boyfriend.

Get some common sense. Relying on letting a confused cat out in time for it to go to the toilet outside, each and every time it wanted the toilet, was obviously an inane plan, and you should have at least worked that out after the very first time it went to the toilet on the bed instead.

@Lemononachair

As soon as feasibly possible get her to a vets to get scanned for a chip. As a poster said UT she may just be trying to move in with you, but actually has owners, lol

Maybe the person that lived there before you used to feed her etc so she’s used to coming round etc. I’m ok with cats but this would be too much even for me as my cat doesn’t destroy things to the extent your stray has so she would have been gone ages ago.

Contact a shelter, see if you can borrow a cat carrier, and find out when they can accept the cat, you can't usually just turn up with them. (Or does a friend with cats have a carrier they'd be willing to lend?) Take the cat to the shelter in the carrier in a taxi.

That was also meant to say that you don't need your own car to transport a cat.

It's likely that the rescue will collect the cat from the OP anyway.

Some rescues will come out and collect that day. They can then rehome her or, if she is microchipped, contact her previous owner.

I don't think she was 'homeless' as such. She looked clean and well fed. She just wouldn't leave and kept yowling to come in.

You’re really pushing for a reaction here, aren’t you?

Here’s a reaction: if it’s true, and you’ve stolen someone’s cat to keep it indoors without providing it with a litter tray, you’re a dick. If it’s not true, you’re still a dick.

I’ve had many many cats before and never had a litter tray, except when they were kittens and were too young to go out.
Take the cat to a shelter, I would.
If bf doesn’t like he can lump it.
Personally I’d chuck the quilts too they will always stink.

Sounds perfectly reasonable to get rid, i.e. take to shelter or a similar arrangement. A credit to your BF though for bring her in. Clearly a kind soul :) (and, no, I am not saying you are unkind!)

You have tried, but clearly you do not have the patience to deal with a cat. Fair enough. Your BF should have consulted with you properly before making the decision to take her in.

If you were to keep her, would you feel resentful and angry at her if she continues to scratch and eliminate in inappropriate places? Would your BF have the time and patience:

1. to work with her on using scratch pads/trees (sprinkle with cat nip, model using it for the cat)

1. to train her to use a litter box (yes, even in a small place proper cat owners know that litter boxes are essential) and clean it regularly

1. to play with her /provide enough stimulation every day to keep her happy

Or would he end up feeling resentful of you for not helping with her care? Honestly, is he capable of doing the things above?

If he is not, the kindest thing you can do is take her to a good cat shelter so she can be given a loving home where the owners are skilled at (or just patient with) dealing with behavioural challenges of stressed out kitties.