Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Bet there’s a different perspective on this after a few months of lockdown and no school

@Greenmarmalade just what I was thinking. Perhaps all those who think it is so easy could offer us sahm mums some advice?

@Greenmarmalade was thinking the same! 👏👏👏

Certainly not work, it is easier for a start.

school closures and household isolation are moving the work of caring for children from the paid economy—nurseries, schools, babysitters—to the unpaid one. The coronavirus smashes up the bargain that so many dual-earner couples have made in the developed world: We can both work, because someone else is looking after our children. Instead, couples will have to decide which one of them takes the hit.

www.theatlantic.com/international/archive/2020/03/feminism-womens-rights-coronavirus-covid19/608302/

A lot of people who believe looking after children at home is not 'work' are going to be surprised to find the output and efficiency of their 'real work' seriously impacted, as they struggle to do both at home at the same time, over the next few months.

@greenmarmalade maybe no one will be saying anything because they're so busy trying to do their full time job at the same time as home educating their children

@kesstrel

No doubt, when I am trying to work 40 hours a week to earn a salary and teach/ entertain a 5 yr at the same time it will be very difficult. Potentially double as difficult as the people who are not having to do paid employment while taking care of their children.

What point are you trying to make? No one is going to argue that doing 2 things at once will be harder than doing 1 are they?

@SybilWrites
maybe no one will be saying anything because they're so busy trying to do their full time job at the same time as home educating their children
I imagine those posters who proclaimed that they did everything a SAHM of non-school age children did AND WOH FT won't find this a struggle at all....

What point are you trying to make? No one is going to argue that doing 2 things at once will be harder than doing 1 are they?
I'm guessing the logic is going to go as follows:
Scenario 1:

1. Some parents are having to work from home with the children due to current circumstances
2. Unsurprisingly trying to do someone's full time job whilst watching your own children is more difficult than doing your job and watching children on their own
3. Therefore that proves that looking after your own children is absolutely work and people should be eating humble pie before realising how hard life is for SAHP

Scenario 2:

1. Some parents have to stay at home with the children due to the current situation.
2. Some parents may find this stressful and not enjoy being home as much as they enjoy their job. They also find being cooped up indoors to be adding to everyone's frustration levels. They may voice the fact that they're finding social distancing difficult because they can't take the kids out places.
3. Therefore watching your own children is hard work and everyone should be eating humble pie by realising that being a SAHP is totally stressful work because it's essentially the same as working in a nursery.

All done whilst conveniently ignoring the fact that being directed to self isolate or socially distance, possibly with worries about family members, possibly with the strain being felt financially, and whilst hardly being able to leave the house due to a pandemic might possibly be making the situation more stressful for everyone.

Then in reality most people are doing what they need to for their family during a difficult time, and don't really care how others structure their family because it's not a bloody competition.

school closures and household isolation are moving the work of caring for children from the paid economy—nurseries, schools, babysitters—to the unpaid one. The coronavirus smashes up the bargain that so many dual-earner couples have made in the developed world: We can both work, because someone else is looking after our children. Instead, couples will have to decide which one of them takes the hit.

It's almost like the author implies that 2-income households have stolen childcare/exploited an exotic black market so that they can have the pleasure of going off to work.

Obviously childcare can be consolidated to allow everyone involved to achieve some economy of scale with their labour. If it didn't exist, it would be invented again overnight.

God, the smugness. Yes, because WOHP having to do their full time jobs whilst looking after their children is exactly the same as the status quo for SOHPs. There is absolutely no difference whatsoever, and anyone complaining must immediately concede that SOHPs have it harder.

A lot of people who believe looking after children at home is not 'work' are going to be surprised to find the output and efficiency of their 'real work' seriously impacted, as they struggle to do both at home at the same time, over the next few months
Or maybe they are going to love it so much, they will end up deciding not to go back to their job despite their financial position and having to cope with much less coming in.

It really can go either way and will do for many working mums.

It's not really comparable as you can't leave the house. It's much more challenging if you can't go out and do 'stuff', plus those doing a full day work whilst doing everything the SAHMs do, doesn't take a genius to realise that's more challenging does it. Nothing against SAHMs, but your smugness isn't justified.

To be honest Marieo, the toughest thing about being a SAHM is indeed the feeling of “lockdown”. Want to go out with the DV who are all whinging, but no, you can’t because the baby is asleep in the afternoon. Need to just nip to the shop, but no, too much hassle to get a baby out and ready and the kids in the car and drag them round. What could be a 20 minute trip by yourself, could take hours, so often you don’t bother. I think a lot of people who have never been SAHM take their freedom and mobility and being able to do basic tasks like leaving the house “hands free” for granted. This is the real “work” for a SAHM and what can wear you down the most. It’s a totally different mindset.

To be honest Marieo, the toughest thing about being a SAHM is indeed the feeling of “lockdown”

Different ballgame altogether when a) there’s nowhere open to go and b) you’ve got to get through a tonne of work at the same time

Different ballgame altogether when a) there’s nowhere open to go and b) you’ve got to get through a tonne of work at the same time
Absolutely.
I'm at home at the moment on maternity leave and am very much feeling the difference between home with DC but able to go to groups during the week and interesting fun places, whilst doing my share of house tasks around DC, and being in the house all day with everything closed, support network are self isolating and DH is now working from home (which we are treating as his working day but with his tea and lunch breaks spent as a family and extra family time from no travel).

To be honest Marieo, the toughest thing about being a SAHM is indeed the feeling of “lockdown”. Want to go out with the DV who are all whinging, but no, you can’t because the baby is asleep in the afternoon. Need to just nip to the shop, but no, too much hassle to get a baby out and ready and the kids in the car and drag them round. What could be a 20 minute trip by yourself, could take hours, so often you don’t bother. I think a lot of people who have never been SAHM take their freedom and mobility and being able to do basic tasks like leaving the house “hands free” for granted. This is the real “work” for a SAHM and what can wear you down the most. It’s a totally different mindset.

Sounds like you have a lot of kids. Maybe fewer would be easier.

DS is an economics student and he says that it’s basic economic theory to take into account the impact of non-paid care work in society and the economy.

The last few weeks have made the importance of unpaid care work glaringly obvious. The only reason the govt didn’t close schools and childcare settings earlier is because they were terrified about the impact of parents having to do this “work” instead And what it would mean for the economy if the normal economic balance between paid and unpaid sectors is disrupted.

I don’t see that anyone can argue that “unpaid” work and childcare doesn’t prop up the economy. It does. My DH is very clear that my being a SAHM enables him to go to work and, in this sense, we’re an economic partnership.

If you use grandparents or a nanny or childcare, you ban only go and do your job because they are caring for your children. To argue this is “nothing” is an insult to the people you depend on most.

Fewer kids may well be easier, but again, it necessarily. Depends on the kids. I feel like I’m staying the obvious here.

And for some SAHMs, the park is the only option anyway if you don’t have much money or live in an isolated place.

Even if you do have money, what are your options really day-to-day.,, Soft play? More kids over and more mess? Toddler groups?

As I say, it’s a different mentality and one you have to learn to adjust to over time. It can feel very restrictive.

I know many people who are honest that they are too selfish to be a SAHM. They need their own space, social interactions and schedules, They find it too unstructured and claustrophobic. Doesn’t mean they’re not great mums of course. But we’re all different and cope differently with different types of stressful situations.

And for some SAHMs, the park is the only option anyway if you don’t have much money or live in an isolated place.

Playgrounds are currently all shut where I am (Dublin)

Even if you do have money, what are your options really day-to-day.,, Soft play? More kids over and more mess? Toddler groups?

Family, friends, play dates, out for a coffee, picnics, cinema, swimming, library. I spent most of my time out if the house when I was at home.

I spent most of my time out if the house when I was at home
I'd love to be in that situation, but the reality at the moment is 45 mins trying to leave the house, by which point the demands for milk begin.

I don’t see that anyone can argue that “unpaid” work and childcare doesn’t prop up the economy. It does. My DH is very clear that my being a SAHM enables him to go to work and, in this sense, we’re an economic partnership.

Sure. In this calculation, you're both in each other's debt; he provides the money, you provide the childcare, you're a team. This is how it works in our house, too.

But you're not really doing something that requires admiration or appreciation from others, are you?

Fewer kids may well be easier, but again, it necessarily. Depends on the kids. I feel like I’m staying the obvious here.

Of course fewer kids is easier. If you want more, fine, but it's back to the original point: if you have children (1 or 4 or 10), then looking after them is something you're supposed to do. No one is going to thank you for it, other than the person you share them with i.e. their father.

Where did I ask for thanks, admiration or appreciation?

What are you even taking about?

I’m just saying, bring at home with kids is not “nothing.”

And a lot of people don’t understand that it’s a different kind of stress and takes a different king of resilience to “paid work” (whatever that may mean because it could mean anything).

“If you have children (1 or 4 or 10), then looking after them is something you're supposed to do. No one is going to thank you for it, other than the person you share them with i.e. their father.“

But going out to work is something at least somebody in the family is “supposed” to do, as well? Most people go to work because it benefits their family , first and foremost. so what’s the difference.