Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Hold on, you're saying that being a company CEO might be more difficult and stressful than watching reruns of sex in the city before driving 5 minutes in the [insert name of idiotically oversized SUV here] to pick the kids up?

i think being a CEO of a large company is having lots of experience in a field and having confidence to make decisions. It requires a lot of confidence and judgement, rather than someone with amazing abilities. Also they have to have people who have faith in their abilities, easier if you are a man than woman. Actually do agree prob lot of stay at home mums would probablymake brilliant CEOs. Looking at the data if they had been born as men it is pretty likely that some of them would be! Running a household prob requires more organisation than being a CEO. As CEOs have people who run their diaries for them. Plus as other poster said they have people looking after their children for them.

Your CEO may be doing that. Others may be playing a round of golf.

that they wanted

You mean like you wanted your kids?

or be driving their Ferrari around Monaco.

Your CEO may be doing that. Others may be playing a round of golf.

I’m embarrassed for you now, you sound so fucking clueless.

Yes, some play golf, usually as part of winning a contract, building new business. What you’re leaving out are the day long negotiation meetings, looking at contracts to the early hours of the morning, motivating staff, taking tough decisions all the time.

But you clearly don’t have the slightest notion what’s involved.

be driving their Ferrari around Monaco.

Cringing for you.

But this is silly. Looking after children is work same as being a CEO is work same as being a hotel receptionist is work same as being a doctor is work same as being a cleaner is work. To stereotype stay at home mums as watching greys anatomy all day is the same as stereotyping CEOs as spending their days having meetings while playing golf. Looking at this thread it is pretty clear to me that looking after children is probably the most under valued work there is. And that is very, very sad.

I'm actually pretty surprised that pps are arguing that looking after kids isn't work (on MN of all places!) I don't even have kids and part of the reason was to avoid all the extra work

It's parenting, it's time consuming, it's knackering sometimes but calling it work is demeaning in my opinion. Reducing it to a list of tasks and placing a competitive value on it completely devalues what it actually is for most of us which is a role that we've chosen because we love our kids.

Also why so much anger and outrage at the stereotype of CEOs playing golf and driving Ferraris around Monaco? But completely acceptable to stereotype stay at home mums watching sex in the city and driving a large SUV? Presumably driving a largeSUV and watching sex in the city more acceptable activities if you were a man in paid employment or a CEO of a fortune500 company

It does not devalue something to call it work. Lots of people do their job because they love it but it is still work. Really interesting thread though. Had no idea that so many women thought looking after children was not work. To me it is obvious that is work. Nothing competitive about it. It just is work.

Interesting also that some people say it s not work because it is demeaning to call it work. Whereas other people don t call it work because they say stay at home mums drop their kids off and spend their time watching tv. So it s both too important to be called work but also too easy at the same time.

Completely disagree, there is so much more value in parenting than work.

I love my jobs, but parenting is way beyond loving the work that you do.

Comparing it to a CEO role or those awful Facebook memes that come up, breaking down what a (usually) mother does and assigning a financial value to it make me cringe. Even the fact that this post refers to childcare as opposed to parenting demonstrates it.

If you're happy in your role and you love it and are fortunate to be able to do it, then fantastic but the competitiveness is cringeworthy

@themarkofthemaker where do you get the idea that the only thing sahm do all day is watch tv till they pick their kids up?

Reading these posts it’s completely obvious to me that quite a few mothers think it’s cringeworthy or demeaning to describe looking after their children as work. Others think stay at home mums have it so easy so looking after children can hardly be described as work. It’s actually relatively easy to ascribe a financial value to looking after children as people do pay for childcare. But surely washing clothes, washing your children, changing nappies is work? Even playing with them, entertaining them is hard work. Ok you love them. But when you are washing your children’s clothes or cooking for them, are women really thinking this is a role I have chosen because I love my children so much? It’s an honour And privilege to cook for them? Or aren’t most women thinking it’s more work on top of work I’ve already done at the office or wherever. Or those few lucky stereotype stay at home mums that drive SUVs and watch sex and the city, think I wish I could just put my feet up rather than cook my children dinner. Why is it that in the economics field looking after children is regarded as work but obviously this AIBU shows that over half of women seem to think it isn’t, as it’s demeaning to call it work and stay at home mums have it so easy? Anyway it’s clear this thread is going nowhere. To me it’s obvious that looking after children is work and, also not considering it as work completely devalues its importance to the economy. But will leave it.

Lots of people in paid employment also make a big deal out of doing not very much at all!
The number of people in job where they do nothing is a minority and is unlikely to last for years. They are unlikely to be able to come to work in their pyjamas, no make up and dirt hair, and to go and have a snooze on the sofa.

sahms are accountable to no-one, they are the boss, they do what they want and don't have to worry about being sacked.

the comment about being a CEO was tongue in cheek. The point is that some sahm are incredibly busy and involved, as much as someone working.

I don't understand the comment about not needing to drop off/pick up kids from school if you work? Most working mums do exactly that, they are just more in a rush to get to work on time, and then leave on time to do the pick ups.

@dontdisturbmenow tbh there is probably a long term accountability in how they raise their children and how they will perform in school and career wise

tbh there is probably a long term accountability in how they raise their children and how they will perform in school and career wise
As there will be with working mothers, as a matter, more likely more so with working mums.

There's no accountability of a day to day basis though. If a sahm has a very bad night, she can stay in her pyjamas and indeed spend most of the day in front of the TV and this will not impact on her ability to continue to be a sahm. If a working mum came in not dressed appropriately and claiming she is going to do nothing but spend the day in MN because she had a bad night, the very high likelihood is that she will get sacked.

I work and do all the things that you list. Washing, ironing, school runs, cooking, clean etc. It's just part and parcel of EVERYONE'S lifestyle not just SAHM.

As for looking after the children, that's fun and I love doing it. It isn't a "job" it's a privilege, and if you think it's hard work you're not doing it right.

Just to add not saying it is easing to our financial value on love for children. But relatively easy to put financial value on tasks involved with bringing up kids washing clothes , cooking them dinner, organising their bags etc

"organising their bags"... lol

Never said it is hard work! Sometime it is hard work and sometimes it is not. But loads of threads on here to say what hard work it is for some people. But I think you will find lots of jobs in paid employment are not hard work either and are much easier than bringing up children. And of course lots of people work in paid employment and do work involved in bringing up children afterwards. Does not stop it being work! Just because lots of people do it, does not mean it is work. Lots of people work in the supermarket are doctors and are teachers. Just because lots of people do it does not stop it being work!

Why lol at organising bags? Lots of jobs eg being receptionist at really empty office involve less organising capacity than organising children’s school bags. Why is that lol? It’s not nice people being really mocking and derisive of tasks involved with being a parent cos everyone does it. But paid employment which someimrs involves absolutely no exertio whatsoever is not mocked

When I was at school I used to organise my own bags. Next you'll be listing the amount of time you spend wiping their arses for them