Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

lazylinguist
Eeww. Primary aged children seem to have no concept of personal space, and some have questionable hygiene from what I've heard. Some of my friends stand on toilet duty asking them if they've washed their hands, only for them to go back in to do it.

This group are wonderful and I'm really missing them. They're the types who wish you good morning, a nice evening/weekend, who use the tissues and hand gel I keep on my desk if they haven't got any, ask if I'll avoid getting them to read/answer questions because they have a sore throat and talking makes them cough.

I'm quite offended by the assumption that looking after my children can be defined as work. It's not work. It's love. It's a privilege. It's life. It's what I live for.

I work to get the money to support that life.

We all have different demands on us. Some need to work to support their life. Some don't. Some (like me) choose to work.

Not sure why it has to be one or the other, with so much derision of those whose life is different.

Why is it offensive to say looking after children is work? Surely one of the reasons that this website is set up and so popular is because looking after children and also housework is sometimes very hard work and sometimes involves skill and a lot of perseverance. There are so many threads a bout how loving your children is such hard work. You may or may not think looking after your children is a privilege. It is still work. Lots of people think doing their job is a privilege too. It’s still work.

Difficult to believe that so many people don’t regard looking after children as work, when this website is full of threads which show what hard work looking after children is. If it was not work, mumsnet would not exist!

At the end of the day there are different styles of parenting and it is hard to say which way is right or wrong if there is any right or wrong way. Being a off hands parent of a child that is neurotypical able bodied child that is expected to help around the house is probably going to be less work then a mother that wants to do all of the housework and chores herself so husband and children can fully focus on work or school without having to help out, or a child with special needs, or one that decides she needs to have a home like a show home and make her own pasta from scratch etc. It's down to personal choice and each family will decide what is important to them and make a choice based on that

I don’t know why women feel the need to try and compete all the time, if you work you’re wrong, if you stay at home you’re wrong. How about just do what’s right for you. Neither is easy, yes it’s not easy staying at home caring for young children, equally it’s not easy working, commuting, getting it and having to cook dinner, bath, bed, packed lunches, housework in a couple of hours. What is achieved by arguing what’s the hardest?

It's not work. It might be hard work (at times, though as shown by PP's who have done both, it certainly seems a damned bit easier than being a working parent), but just because it's hard work doesn't make it work.

I think a lot of SAHM (of school age kids who could work but don't) have a bit of deep down shame/guilt so they constantly harp on about how busy they are in a way to try and prove themselves

I'm quite offended by the assumption that looking after my children can be defined as work. It's not work. It's love. It's a privilege. It's life. It's what I live for.

This pretty much sums up my feelings. And now I work so I can support my children as they set out into the adult world, with things like flat deposits, a nice meal out, helping them financially when they need it. It is no sacrifice, they are what I go to work for. I consider it a privilege to be able to look after them practically, emotionally and financially as I know from bitter experience how very lucky I am to have healthy children.

@TheNavigator I think the problem is that some sahm feel that some people seem to think that they don't do anything all day or at the very least have very little to do. This is of course the wrong assumption to make about sahm.

The vast majority of posters seem to be trying to take the middle road

In my friendship groups most people rub along without making stupid comments

I think its a minority of people who argue one side or another is better...and they are always going to do that

The original post was about is it work...not which is better or worse and harder

'And now I work so I can support my children as they set out into the adult world'

I'm sure most SAHM's will do the same thing. If women take a few years off to look after their own dc until they go to school it doesnt meant they will never work again. Some people treat them like they are unemployed and in bed all day every day for life. I personally think it is lovely to want to spend the young precious years with your children as they go so fast.

Right now I'm working my socks off...

I'm working at breathing
I'm working at watching tv
I'm working at thinking about getting a shower
I'm working at drinking my coffee
I'm working at talking to DS about his scout camp.

Life has lots of tasks; some easy, some hard, some boring, some interesting.....not work though

@SoupDragon I’m a nanny and plan on taking my kids to work with me. But granted there aren’t many jobs you can do that with.

This thread is prob the most dispiriting thing I have read. All economists, policy makers etc think that looking after children is work. It is an economic activity which has immense social benefits greater than those which accrue to you. Breathing, watch tv etc is not work. Watching tv is leisure activity. You are the only one who benefits from it. Also looking after your children, cooking for them, cleaning them, looking after them is compulsory. It’s almost as if the rise in female participation in the workforce has led people to devalue looking after children even more. It is work. Economists, social scientists all regard it as work and a valuable unpaid activity with benefits to society. Also people say it is a privilege. That’s the same thing that people with v important jobs say about their work. Eg it is a privilege to be your Prime Minister etc if it is not work, what is it? A hobby, a leisure activity.

Have a full time job so no axe to grind about stay at home mothers versus paid working mothers. Just that standard economic consensus is that looking after children is unpaid work benefits of which may be hard to quantify. A huge irony that 50 per cent of women disagree. The fact that some people think that looking after children is a privilege an honour does not stop it being work! It s not comparable to watching tv which is leisure or consumption activity. Feeding children cleaning them entertaining them reading to them is work. You pay for it in which case it is childcare. If you do it yourself it is unpaid work!!!!

Yeah... really hard work dropping the kids off at school at 8.45 every morning (of course DH could do it if poor SAHM feels under pressure) and watching reruns of Grey's Anatomy until 3pm and home time, with a ready meal to slap in the oven for 20 minutes.

Who'd want to be a SAHM

I think the problem is that some sahm feel that some people seem to think that they don't do anything all day or at the very least have very little to do. This is of course the wrong assumption to make about sahm

Sometimes it's right, sometimes it's wrong. Some sahm could go straight in being a CEO of a company the way the run their household. I've been friends with a couple of sahm who had an complete admiration for, so organised, very creative, and just always on the go. These mums would find coming on mn a complete waste of their time!

I however also got to know about few sahm who frankly were plan lazy and would not cope with the demand of employment. Always getting up late, kids looking that they slept in their clothes, house always looking a mess, homework not done, sitting on their sofa most of the days, moaning every time their youngest dared to ask for some attention.

Just like paid workers, sah parents come in all shape and form.

Some sahm could go straight in being a CEO of a company the way the run their household

because running a household is exactly the same as being a CEO ....

Some stay at home mums would prob drop kids off watch tv and then pick up kids. Which is great and sounds like a pretty easy life. Also watching tv is not work. It s the picking up kids and looking after them that is work. But lots of people in paid employment may also spend their days web surfing and not doing anything particularly productive, plus they don’t have to bother picking up their kids from school and looking after them, which is work. Lots of people in paid employment also make a big deal out of doing not very much at all! Why is all thAt anger reserved at stay at home mothers? Some people have hugely enjoyable stress free jobs and get paid. So maybe the stay at home mothers you know have a wonderful life? But there are others who may be looking after elderly parents, want to be around for their kids after school. And are worker harder than those in paid employment. It depends on the individual circumstance as loads of other posters have said.

Also running a household is obviously not being a CEO. But most CEOs are v lucky and fortunate to be paid lots of money for a job that they wanted and really enjoy and find stimulating but bit stressful. That’s not the case for stay at home mums. Some of who can t find paid employment which fits in with children’s needs etc. Others may find juggling childcare and full time employment really hard. And yes others may be bit lazy but that’s hardly the crime of the century. As long as they don t neglect children. Loads of people in paid employment are pretty lazy too

Some sahm could go straight in being a CEO of a company the way the run their household

Sometimes.....sometimes I wonder why we've never had a matriarchal society.
And then I read some of the posts on MN. And it becomes a little clearer. SMH.

@achainisonlyasstrong also feel like a lot of CEOs are in the position because someone else did the childcare be it spouse, nanny, family etc it would be impossible to work in a CEO postion working part time

But again is looking after children work? Yes it is. As far as I know the defIgnition of work is not paid employment. There are prob quite a few people in paid employment who don’t work that hard at all. Going into the office at 9 am spending time doing whatever it is and googling and clocking off at 5 is not that much hard work either.

• Sometimes.....sometimes I wonder why we've never had a matriarchal society. And then I read some of the posts on MN. And it becomes a little clearer. SMH.*

😂 so true

But most CEOs are v lucky and fortunate to be paid lots of money for a job that they wanted and really enjoy and find stimulating but bit stressful.

Fuck me 🤦‍♀️

My CEO is now figuring out what to do as 90% of our contracts have been cancelled in the last week due to Coronavirus.

That’s hundreds of jobs on the line.

Cop yourself on