Looking after your own children IS work

[Bumpitybumper]

Oxford Dictionary definition of "work":
activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result

AIBU to suggest that the people that suggest that looking after one's own children isn't work are wrong and in some cases are actively trying to devalue and undermine the people (usually women) that do the majority of childcare?

Would be really interested to understand how anyone can read this definition and argue that looking after children isn't work.

Really? Plenty of them do work. And plenty of them move into professions that benefit other people. Even people like you 🙄

Right. And once again. So do children of working parents.

Every single thing said that SAHM do working parents do. And work.

So your kids and mine are our burdens. Our problems. I don't care if you care for your kids or someone else.

But nobody is benefitted by SAHP expect their nuclear family.

Rufus solved this fascinating conundrum at 20.42. Did you miss it?

Rachel709 you're not seriously comparing the job of a nursery nurse with parenting?

Actually the breakthrough revelation was on page 1 -

“What you need to do is swap children with a friend, pay each other 1p to look after each other's children and then do exactly the same as if you were looking after your own. Then it's work.”

There you go.

*Leighhalfpennysthigh' sorry, I wrote the wrong name - I was agreeing with you. Ooops!

@Toffeecakes I have done that so much this week!!

I was privileged to have 7 years at home with my DC. They were hedonistic fun filled years of utter joy. I was 34 and had 14 years of graft behind me - 7.30am to 7.30pm trading floor graft.

The dc years were full of play, learning, stories, coffees, park, leaf kicking, letters, counting. Yes there were ear infections and broken nights - mine were rhubarb sleepers but it was such fun - an utter joy.

It was not grinding work, it was far too rewarding and I've never had a job sull of unconditional love.

Rufus solved this fascinating conundrum at 20.42. Did you miss it

Thank you so much oooooooom

I’ll solve world peace as soon as this is finished

If being a SAHM was the same as saying unemployed, there wouldn’t be the option of “Homemaker” listed in occupation would there?? When I took two years out to stay at home with my child it never would have occurred to me to say I was unemployed

But you wouldn't have put it on your employment history of a Cv. You would use it to explain the unemployment gap.

@Toffeecakes I know what you meant.

So, as we're doing lists....this is my normal week at the moment....as a childless woman....

Get mother in law up, washed, breakfasted and dressed, then help to car to go to hospital for chemo. Stay with mother in law all day for chemo and work/MN intermittently when I'm not talking to her, calming her down or wiping her vomit.

Go home. Settle mother in law.

Do more work.

Cook dinner for myself, nephew and mother in law if she's up to it.

Nephew clears up. Talk to nephew about course, worries, love life, whatever.

Nephew and I put mother in law to bed.

Check on father.

Take dogs for walk. Then come back and feed dogs

Write a policy for our company's response to corona virus.

Next day ask elderly father to take mother in law to chemo (after morning routine) as I've got to go to office for a staff meeting and urgent training on coronavirus. Whilst at office spend all day working out whether we've got any work left, organising staff to work from home until crisis finished, meet with admin staff to discuss arrangements for them to work from home.

Go home. Cook dinner. Feed mother in law. Clean up mother in law when she vomits dinner. Spend time with her until 3am. Go to bed. Get up at 6am to start all over again with chemo and work.

I'm damned lucky that my dad and my nephew is amazing. Even luckier that my staff are too. But, you know what, only the bits of actual work that I'm doing each day are work. The rest is love.

Oh it's on my CV
Career break until youngest was settled in reception: also ran Sunday school, became Chair of the PTA increasing fund raising from £10k pa to £20k, appinted non exec director of PCT.

"But, you know what, only the bits of actual work that I'm doing each day are work. The rest is love."
Watch out Leigh, someone will call you a martyr in a minute as they did to me when I said a similar thing.
I agree, looking after family isnt work.

When I took two years out to stay at home with my child it never would have occurred to me to say I was unemployed

But you were. You were unemployed. Employment is paid work. If you aren't doing paid work, you're unemployed. I understand you consider yourself as doing work I the home, but it doesn't change the fact that you are unemployed.

It is work, but you don't really have deadlines or anyone to answer to and you don't get paid. Like it or not, it is different, but it is definitely harder to work full time than stay at home. I have done both, so know the difference. Both aren't easy and can be challenging, just in different ways. SAHP is thankless and monotonous and when you work FT there aren't enough hours in the day and lots of parental guilt. I am far more exhausted and run down as a working parent though.

Is the DH saying it isn't work?

Not work - it’s a duty.

I really hate the WOHP outsource child raising to other people argument.

My DD is 5 and In Year 1.

I drop her to school at 8.45 then go to work. I finish work somewhere around 5.30, although do have some flexibility so sometimes finish earlier and catch up in the evening. I have a senior role so often end up doing extra hours in the evening between 9pm and midnight just to stay on top of my workload.

DD goes to afterschool club for 1 hour then her dad who works 7-3 picks her up and takes her home.

So 1 hour childcare a day and school.

Between DH and me getting home from work and going to bed we have to do all the household jobs and parenting that any other parents have to do.

• homework
• dinner
• bath and bed
• cleaning the house
• washing clothes
• "Life admin"
• gardening
• Grocery shopping

If anyone can explain what work a SAHP with school aged children is doing between 9 and 3 that makes their life busy and hard I'd be really interested.

Watch out Leigh, someone will call you a martyr in a minute as they did to me when I said a similar thing.
I agree, looking after family isnt work

Ha. I'm expecting it. I wouldn't insult a woman I love deeply by calling caring for her work. Just as if I'd had children, caring for them wouldn't have been work. It's love.

This is a joke thread right? I've never heard anything so ridiculous in my life.

Wow! I thought women were suppose to support women. Of course it’s work. IF you were to hire someone (i.e. nanny) to help you look after your children. The nanny gets paid.

Just because you DON’T charge your partner to look after your children doesn’t mean it’s any less work! In fact I would hope MOST of you look after your children with more attention & care then a stranger would (as in a nanny). Meaning it should cost MORE then what you would pay a nanny.

People who are employed (I’m one of them BTW) have a different type of work compared to people who rear their children....but it’s still work. I’m fact it’s even more stressful because you can drop the ball at work & still be ok. You can’t drop the ball when looking after your kids. Well you can.....but that’s up to you.

Anyway. If any husbands don’t think that looking after children is not work. Then why don’t they do it??

That’s what I say to my husband. If it’s soooo easy. Then you look after them. I’ll work (which I do already) but I’ll work more & you don’t worry your pretty little head about it. I’ll advance in my career, have daily conversations that don’t involve baby talk & feel like still have a life outside my children. Sure. Sounds horrible to me.

Most husbands can’t even survive 24hrs with their own children without texting their wife or their mum or having someone else take care of them. Not work! That’s ridiculous.

Then again. It’s just my opinion. I’m sure what I’ve said will rile a few people. Apologies in advance.

I work and look after my child as a single parent. Looking after children is certainly not work

@TorysSuckRevokeArticle50 my mother was and from what I found out she would basically do all the housework, shopping, and admin while I was in school meaning that once I was home she would be fully available to supervise my homework and put together extra lessons for me etc. Then on the weekend it meant we had the time to only do fun things. This meant even growing up all I had to focus on was school because I had no extra chores.

I didn't work before DC went to school. I was looking after DC. I would not say it was work. It was much easier working. They only negative was that I was reliant on DH for money.