To think sahd needs to take the mental load

[Wotnofood]

Maybe iabu but I'm fed up.
Dh worked whilst I was a sahm and I did everything inside the house. In December he announced he was fed up with being the main earner and wanted to be a sahd. I have qualifications in a shortage area so I said OK let me get a job and we can swap.

It's been five weeks and I'm still sorting everything because 'I don't tell him what to do' so came in from work at 8pm tonight and then had to sort kids food tech because nothing had been done, kids hadn't had baths despite having filthy knees from PE, dog not been walked.

Apparently if I had told him these things needed doing he would have, but why couldn't he have asked the kids/used his brain. No one told me what to do

Aibu to expect this from him? I take over all childcare etc at the weekends as I've missed them and he says he needs a break.

He didn't want to be a sahd, he wanted to be a lazy prick, because that's what he believed you were.

This. FUCK all the training him and reminders and let the house go to shit. He's a fucking adult and you wrote a bloody manual. He CBA'd.

'This isn't working. You either go back to work or we split up. You have till the end of the month.'

He's doing FA. Poor kids. Poor dog.

I'd have lost my shit the very first day I came home to FA done.

This isn't working. You either go back to work or we split up. You have till the end of the month.

^ THIS.

No advice but this makes me so fucking angry

This can’t be real?!

Agree with the ultimatum above.

SAHP only works if both partners are OK with it, do a fair share of the work (paid or otherwise) and treat each other with consideration and respect.

dog not been walked.
that's not mental load, that's just being willingly useless. My 5 year old knows the dog needs to pee.

Give him notice!

Tell him that unless:

The dog gets walked,
the food gets made,
laundry done,
house cleaned
kids bathed,
school prep done
shopping done

that he can go back out to work

He is taking the piss. The LEAST he could do is make sure you have fucking food when you get in! and the poor dog!!

I'd have lost my shit the very first day I came home to FA done. you and me both @MauriceandAlec!

'This isn't working. You either go back to work or we split up. You have till the end of the month.'

This too.

And of course if the split is the option, he'll STILL have to do this shit on a 50/50 basis for the kids, but hold down a job too!!

I'm sorry, I'm laughing a little at the Britishness of how much of this outrage is on the dog's behalf. . .

So you have NT secondary age children and they didn't ask where dinner was/put themselves in the shower/walk the dog?

I think you may have been taking control of the household a little too efficiently, OP. Your kids shouldn't need a SAHP to put them in the bath, surely? If you can train them up to take a bit more responsibility, then dad can go right back to work!

He's just another man who thought staying at home was licence to doss about all day. But still. Get the kids helping too.

I take over all childcare etc at the weekends as I've missed them and he says he needs a break.

Did he take over all childcare at the weekend when YOU were the SAHP?

My exH pulled this on me..... you work full time, and I promise you, you won't need to lift a finger in the house, he said.

After 5 weeks of ranting at me about how difficult the kids were being, how sick of all the mess they made and so on, I said, leave it to me, I'll do it all at the weekend. He managed to make meals for the kids but did nothing else while they were at school.

If the kids are at home, I honestly can’t see the need for either of you to be a SAHM. Go part time, yes. Both of you part time, yes. But to be a SAD and do fuck all as well? Um, no.

Did he take over all childcare at the weekend when YOU were the SAHP?

Haahaahaahaa! Let's hedge a guess . . .

Omg this would make me so mad! What a useless bastard!!

It’s really surprising how common this is and infuriating. Both of us have been SAHP at different times and neither of us would have tolerated such laziness from the other. You need to ask him if he has any respect for you and what he actually does all day. And give him notice that he has to go back to working out of the house.