To think sahd needs to take the mental load

[Wotnofood]

Maybe iabu but I'm fed up.
Dh worked whilst I was a sahm and I did everything inside the house. In December he announced he was fed up with being the main earner and wanted to be a sahd. I have qualifications in a shortage area so I said OK let me get a job and we can swap.

It's been five weeks and I'm still sorting everything because 'I don't tell him what to do' so came in from work at 8pm tonight and then had to sort kids food tech because nothing had been done, kids hadn't had baths despite having filthy knees from PE, dog not been walked.

Apparently if I had told him these things needed doing he would have, but why couldn't he have asked the kids/used his brain. No one told me what to do

Aibu to expect this from him? I take over all childcare etc at the weekends as I've missed them and he says he needs a break.

YANBU

You even wrote him a fucking manual!

I'd show him this post and give him a month to sort his shit out.

Omg how can you even stand to look at him? I’d be fucking furious.
Sitting on his lazy arse all day letting dogs and kids suffer, can’t be bothered to work, can’t be bothered to look after his kids. He is utterly moronic.
I’d be telling him in very blunt terms : HANDLE YOUR LIFE YOU USELESS TURD

Yup
I split with my ex sahd last year

Humanity isn’t quite evolved yet for this scenario

No advice , but have a house meeting

I've had a skim through so apologies if I missed something, but what do you do in things like tonights' scenario? You sorted the food tech?
I think I would try a breezy oh dear, they need xyz for the morning! Do you want to pop to the shop with the dog now or after you've done their baths? Headmistress him along a bit. If you've done the manual and he still cba, he's taking the mick!

Honestly you’re a saint. Please don’t put up with this. Please don’t enable this. It’s completely bonkers. If he stays at home, he does all the stuff you used to. Not even considering dinner for you shows a complete lack of caring and respect. I don’t really know how he could show you any clearer - you’re not his priority.

He needs to Read The F..ing Manual and Pull his Finger Out.

He sounds like he needs performance management, then a few written warnings, then sacked. Best to have an employer manage him than his wife.

What does he do all day?

YANBU for wanting him to help more but YABU for expecting him to just know what to do, this isn’t an ability engrained in most men so you really do often need to write a list

YANBU for wanting him to help more but YABU for expecting him to just know what to do, this isn’t an ability engrained in most men so you really do often need to write a list

Yet my male colleagues at work seem to manage just fine without me making lists. Why do we expect so little from competent men when it comes to home life?

@nestisflown

Spent a lot of (far too much) time reading into how differently men and women function, and they do genuinely struggle with household things as it’s not in their nature

Stop telling him what to do! Let him figure it out like you did.
Who told you how to sort out your life before?

He needs to up his game!

Oh just drown him

@Pentium85

YANBU for wanting him to help more but YABU for expecting him to just know what to do, this isn’t an ability engrained in most men so you really do often need to write a list

Read the thread, she left him a manual containing all schedules and contact details but he hasn't even read it.

He shouldn't need a manual. None of these things are ground breaking nor difficult. He's lazy.

Give him a week to catch a fucking grip and if it hasn't improved send him out to get a job. Any job. He'll soon buck up his ideas. Make it very clear to him, though, that if shit doesn't improve immediately, you will be handing in your notice and returning to be a SAHM.

"He didn't want to be a sahd, he wanted to be a lazy prick, because that's what he believed you were."

Absolutely this!!

My partner is a sahd while I work and I'll admit it took a few conversations (arguments) before he really started to handle everything at home. But he wasn't completely useless. The kids were fed and the house tidy.

With my man it was more the heavy cleaning eg mopping floors, washing clothes. It just never occurred to him to do these things.

With some men you have to spell it out for them. If you do this and hes still not pulling his weight I'd seriously lose my shit.

@Pentium85

Seriously? Your standards must be sub zero, then.

I'm sorry, but if a grown man doesn't know to walk a bloody dog and that children need fed, then it's a miracle he can even dress himself in the morning and knows what socks are. He's being lazy and playing dumb on purpose because he knows it'll get done... just by OP.

It's manipulative.

Thank you, I did laugh at the sticker chart but I'm seriously considering it.

I have no idea what he does, all kids are at school and I'm not one of those people who expects everything done just so. He worked in a decent job and organised people so I can't see how its that difficult to run a house.

So, what’s he actually done all day?!!

You need to do some serious questioning here. What the hell is he doing all day if you are doing the housework and childcare when you return? It’s not your job to tell him what to do - he’s the SAHP he has to sort it all out. If he can’t do it then he must return to work asap and pay for the childcare he’s too useless to do.

Op. You need to read this.

www.google.com/amp/s/english.emmaclit.com/2017/05/20/you-shouldve-asked/amp/

I want a manual!!!

He worked in a decent job and organised people so I can't see how its that difficult to run a house.

I think that's your issue. He's used to delegating. Also known as getting others to do jobs for him. At home, he has no one to delegate jobs to, other than you. So he does nothing. He doesn't want to get his hands dirty- he wants to pick and choose the jobs he likes and let you do the rest.

What a lazy shite. I'm livid for you OP

He didn't want to be a sahd, he wanted to be a lazy prick, because that's what he believed you were.

^^
This with bells on!
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