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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of sympathy for sick days.

153 replies

Sickday444 · 10/03/2020 11:43

My DP seems to average out 1 to 2 sick days a month always one day at a time.

Each time he looks fine and is able to do whatever he fancies - drives, play games, goes to the shop, see friends/family etc but has his dailymail sad eyes on ‘I’m so ill’.

However he still expects me to give him sympathy. I feel I’m turning into my mother and I just want to tell him by the time he gets to work he’ll be feeling much better or if he’s well enough to be driving/playing games/going out he’s well enough to go to work.

He asked this morning that I give him more sympathy which I must admit is pretty impossible for me right now. He’s currently gone to the supermarket to get himself some snacks. Or maybe it’s because I’m more annoyed because he’s still on probation at his new job and he/we can’t afford for it not to work out.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 10/03/2020 16:05

And I'm nicking the 4 Bs test - love that. I'd actually make it 5 and and add 'Bricking' for diarrhoea

I gift you the '4 Bs' with a glad heart.

I guess my kids never tried to use the 'alleged' trots to skive off so I never cam up with a B' for that!

Hmmm, I'd think that 'bricking' would indicate quite the opposite of diarrhoea! Grin Maybe 'blitzing' (as in 'raining down fire')?

SallyLovesCheese · 10/03/2020 16:10

Maybe he has munch house ern syndrome

It's possible he has Munchausen syndrome but just putting on a sad face and saying "I feel ill" is far more likely to be down to down to laziness and an unwillingness to go to work.

OP, his actions are going to have a direct negative impact from you. If you haven't already, I'd tell him that if he loses his job you will be looking to end the relationship. Living with the kind of stress he's putting you under - the constant fear he'll lose his job - isn't fair on you and it's ALL his doing.

SallyLovesCheese · 10/03/2020 16:11

Hmmm, I'd think that 'bricking' would indicate quite the opposite of diarrhoea! grin Maybe 'blitzing' (as in 'raining down fire')?

Or 'Bombarding it'?! 😂

Shoxfordian · 10/03/2020 16:15

How many jobs has he had? He's probably going to fail probation. I couldn't be attracted to someone so irresponsible

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 10/03/2020 16:33

GrinGrin

InescapableDeath · 10/03/2020 16:34

Some people just think they’re owed sick days ‘every so often’. So frustrating!

rocketmen · 10/03/2020 16:37

Am I the only one who doesn't see 2/30 days a month to be that many? 20 a year doesn't seem like a lot of time to allow for sickness, but I'm chronically ill and can't imagine having enough energy to work every day.

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/03/2020 16:39

Most people are expected to work every day Confused

Shoxfordian · 10/03/2020 16:40

If you have more than 4 occasions or 10 days in a year then you'll be on stage one of the policy where I work and monitored to make an improvement. In probation, someone doing this probably wouldn't pass

20 days a year would definitely get HRs attention

HerRoyalNotness · 10/03/2020 16:40

@rocketman that’s a huge amount for the average person. It’s like taking 4 weeks work off for illness. I think our allowance was 1 week per year.

StripeyDeckchair · 10/03/2020 16:42

2 days a month!
Well he'll be failing his probation period & losing his job.

PatchworkMonkey · 10/03/2020 16:47

Winds me up. I'm single mum with a 2yo at home and I have flu and horrendous pain where I've had widsom teeth removed. Migraines and sinusitis. I've almost passed out on the school run twice. Can't eat and feel sick. I'm still "working" day and night.

I couldn't live with someone like that. He doesn't deserve that job.

mumwon · 10/03/2020 16:50

temptation to say "if you keep doing this & lose the job you will have a reason to be off sick"

LizzieMacQueen · 10/03/2020 16:56

@rocketmen - you could consider flexible working, say 9 out of 10. So every second Friday off. This used to be quite common in the Netherlands, men and women too if you can afford the 10% drop in salary. Allows time for appointments, mental health days, boiler repairs etc.

MitziK · 10/03/2020 17:38

He's never going to get an 'interesting' job when he can't be arsed to work all 20-25 days in a month.

Recipe:

1 mug of boiling water
1 lump of ginger, thumped with the back of a knife/the mug before water goes in it/a tin of beans

Mix the two together. Add a squirt of lemon juice and a teaspoon of honey. Drink.

It stops the majority of nausea in its tracks. when it's not made up nausea at any rate

Most nausea/tummy ache that isn't infective, travel sickness/ear related or pregnancy/medication related is caused by;

Low blood sugar from not eating.
Constipation.
Dehydration.
Not blowing the nose.
Indigestion.

The solutions to all of those are obvious - and the ginger tea can help with all of them. If he refuses ginger, mint can help - hot water, mint leaves and honey/lemon. Or just throw a bottle of Gaviscon at him and tell him to jog on.

There is a subset of people (myself included) who also feel dizzy and nauseous if woken from deep sleep. The cure for that is going to bed earlier.

From the times when I had a lot of nausea (mostly medication/methotrexate/etc), I'd suggest his terrible ailment is addressed by;

Cutting back on 'fun' foods to zero - ice cream, beer, crisps, chocolate,, all snacks, no fried foods, limited dairy. Salty foods can help, such as black olives, salami at a pinch - not crisps, though. Or chips. Or burgers.
Lots of fibre and fluid in meals - which means vegetables. Lots and lots of vegetables, plus some grains/pulses, rather than MccyDs. Soup is good, too.
Getting some snack bars in, so when he starts the morning complaining, you chuck him a bar and say 'there you go, eat that on the way and I'll see you tonight'

Or treat it like a hangover headache - bottle of original Lucozade and a bacon roll on the way into work.

Or, like others have said, send him back to Mummy permanently.

simplekindoflife · 10/03/2020 17:53

I hate my job but I still go in every day! I would only miss work if I was literally couldn't get out of bed ill or if I had a contagious sick bug or something. Not for every little ache, pain or feeling a bit iffy! It's called being a responsible grown up.

This really is unacceptable. I'd be amazed if his employer kept him on after this! Not normal.

And sympathy?! I'm surprised you haven't throttled him!

dayslikethese1 · 10/03/2020 17:56

So many questions OP:

How long have you been together? (has he always been like this)
Has he been like this in every job or just this one?
Is he telling you he's actually ill or is it clear he's making it up?
Is he actually ill? If he's off that much and its real that would be concerning and he needs to see a doctor. It doesn't sound like it from what you have written though.

BlusteryShowers · 10/03/2020 17:58

He deserves to be on disciplinary for this. I couldn't respect him.

SecretWitch · 10/03/2020 18:29

@MitziK,

I loved your recipe up until the “tin of beans” piece! Am I reading this incorrectly ( always a possibility) or do beans have some nausea reducing properties I don’t know about?

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 10/03/2020 18:44

What does he say is wrong with him? Sounds like sod all if he is able to carry on doing weekendy things as normal. No sympathy here. 24 extra days a year...surprised he is still employed.

Thisismytimetoshine · 10/03/2020 18:46

It’s to crush the ginger, I think, SecretWitch?

Zaphodsotherhead · 10/03/2020 19:22

Tell him to get an hourly paid job - at mine we don't get paid for the first three days off sick. The drop in income will be a big wake up call for him. Besides which, his manage will be so fed up with trying to get someone to cover his slot at short notice that he will get the bollocking he seems to so richly deserve.

JoJothesquirrel · 10/03/2020 19:41

I get period symptoms every month that are worse than tonsillitis and make day to day hard but I cannot take 2 days a month. After work I shower and bed. I’m inefficient at work but I’m there because I cannot take 2 days off a month.

fedup21 · 10/03/2020 19:48

Still laughing at him calling woof!

Me too! Was that a typo @Sickday444

pumpkinbump · 10/03/2020 19:52

I'd tell him to stop being such a f'king snowflake! He's obviously taking the piss, can people really be I'll twice a month unless they have an underlying issue?

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