Lack of sympathy for sick days.

[Sickday444]

My DP seems to average out 1 to 2 sick days a month always one day at a time.

Each time he looks fine and is able to do whatever he fancies - drives, play games, goes to the shop, see friends/family etc but has his dailymail sad eyes on ‘I’m so ill’.

However he still expects me to give him sympathy. I feel I’m turning into my mother and I just want to tell him by the time he gets to work he’ll be feeling much better or if he’s well enough to be driving/playing games/going out he’s well enough to go to work.

He asked this morning that I give him more sympathy which I must admit is pretty impossible for me right now. He’s currently gone to the supermarket to get himself some snacks. Or maybe it’s because I’m more annoyed because he’s still on probation at his new job and he/we can’t afford for it not to work out.

He’s so ill he’s gone to the shops to get snacks?

Tell him to grow up.

He's unlikely to pass his probation. And he's in danger of not being able to secure a job due level of sickness absence on his references.
He needs a thorough medical investigation. Or to buckle down.

drives, play games, goes to the shop, see friends/family etc

Pathetic. He's just skiving.

No sympathy from me.

How on earth does he get to keep his job?!!

We have a policy at my work place of 3 separate sick days within 12 months or you have formal warning.

When he says he's sick what is supposedly wrong with him?

I'd tell him that he only gets sympathy if he's too ill to get out of bed. If he can carry on normal life, then he's not ill enough not to go to work and not ill enough to need sympathy.

As my mum used to say, if you can get up and dressed, you can go to school.

I suspect he's trying to hark back to the old days of living at home with a mother who'd pander to him if he said he felt poorly. He wants you to bring him hot drinks and rub his back and ask him how he feels every two minutes. He has to accept that he's a big boy now...

Taking a sick day whilst on probation is not a good look. Especially as he isn’t really sick. You need to have a word with him as it’s more than likely he won’t make it past probation, at this rate.

What does he claim is the matter?

What sort of sickness is he claiming? Mental health, I could see how you could go to shops etc. However, 2 a month in probationary period is a serious issue. What's his job?

What a lazy twat. There's no way he'll pass his probationary period. Couldn't be with someone like that.

Does he really really hate the job? Or secretly want to give up work altogether? Because not passing probation because of sick days is a good way to do this - he can then tell everyone that he didn't pass because the company didn't understand that he was ill and therefore it wasn't his fault. He gets sympathy and nobody calls him on it.

his Bradford score must be through the roof. Most places I worked in would start disciplinary action after 3 individual absences.

How come he still has a job?

How long have you been together, OP? Have you got children? How old is he? I’m asking because this is a real problem if you’re in a long-term relationship. His mum has presumably always indulged him. You’re having to try to get him to take his adult responsibilities.

Have you tried asking what his symptoms are, are they the same each time, are they increasing in severity etc etc. Try to find out what’s actually going on. Then get him to his GP for a diagnosis.

If there’s a real physical cause it needs treatment. If not, he needs to recognise that he’s making himself unemployable. I’d ask his GP for advice, maybe to see if he needs counselling. If his GP agrees, I’d encourage him to take up some form of exercise that he enjoys, eat healthily, have a hobby maybe — all those things that give you more energy.

Sorry to be putting this on you! It’s his responsibility, not yours. But he’s not going to tackle this if you don’t push him. And you really wouldn’t want to live your life with a hypochondriac who will be living off you because he can’t hold down a job. If he has a real illness, the sooner it’s diagnosed and treated, the better chance he’s got of a full recovery.

How's his mental health OP?

He'll lose his job.

I would be making plans for him to not be a reliable life partner, honestly.
How old are you, and do you have DC?

And what is he complaining of when he's ill - stomach, head, cold symptoms, extreme tiredness, what?

Could be a mental health thing?
I'm signed off sick following a hospital procedure and have been to the supermarket today but someone took me, lifted my bags and I won't move off the sofa for the rest of the day! I felt a bit bad but I'm not that ill that I need to sit in bed for 2 weeks and then suddenly go back to work.
Nothing raises alarm bells with an employer quite like odd days off sick all the time, I'd say he's treading on very thin ice if he wants to keep his job.

Still laughing at him calling woof!

He'd be fired in my org. What a lazy self entitled tosser.

Is it bad that I’ve stopped asking him what’s the matter?

It’s usually the same - feels ‘really’ sick but is never actually sick.

We were up late last night so I think it’s a classic case of feeling shit waking up early, needing some food and two hours later feeling absolutely fine.

He keeps asking what’s up with me as I’m acting differently. I’m not his boss nor his mother. If he looses this job it’s his own fault and that will be the end of us.

Have you said all of this to him OP?

I think mental health might be something to do with it. I’ve asked if he’s feeling down/anxious but I know he hates his job as he finds it boring. He can’t afford to loose it as he’s barely making ends meet at the moment. It’s not a bad company he’s working for - two of the sick days he’s asked if he can work from home so not technical ‘sick’ days. But it’s not going to be in his favour as he can only do half of his job from home.

If he looses this job it’s his own fault and that will be the end of us.

Thank fuck! A woman that understands what’s at stake! I’d dump him if he lost his job over this. Did he happen to change jobs shortly after they started demanding evidence of suckness? The Coronavirus must seem like a gift to him. Just imagine how many sick weeks he can take now, ‘just in case’. 😁

I’m not his boss nor his mother.

No, but you are his partner so make it crystal clear to him if he loses this job you are off. Give him the ultimatum and mean it. If he doesn't pull his socks up don't waste your time on this crap.

Do you have kids? If not I'd leave.

I think mental health might be something to do with it. While I have the greatest sympathy for those with mental health issues, unless there is actual evidence of mental health, please be careful going down that suggestion, because it sounds more like lazy shit syndrome..