Smoking with newborn in car

[alwaystiredzz]

Parked in parent and child space at supermarket this morning and a woman was pulling up behind me and I thought 'well she can't be parking in the parent and child spaces' because I could see her smoking a cigarette. (Illegal with kids in the car, right).

She gets out and proceeds to take a tiny baby out of the back seat. I shoot her a horrified look. She doesn't notice. I then get into the supermarket and convince myself I didn't see her smoking, then she pulls her trolly right up next to mine and the smell of fresh cigarettes is undeniable.

I feel absolutely raging and disgusted at this point and quickly call my mum to ask whether I should confront her and tell her it's illegal to smoke with a child in the car, let alone list off how damaging it is for the baby. Mum reminds me I don't know her and if she would force her child to inhale second hand smoke she's not likely to be a reasonable person who would stand there and take an ear bashing from a stranger.

So, I know I am not unreasonable in being outraged that she was forcing her little baby to inhale the smoke (with all windows up), it's illegal, it causes health issues and contributes to SIDS.

However I want opinions on whether I would be unreasonable to report her (I took her car reg) If so where do I report her? Or do I just accept that it's a fact of life that some parents don't give a shit about the well-being of their children and forget about it?

second hand*

what a weird typo

It’s dangerous to get in a car and drive on the roads yet everyone puts there children in cars without a second thought. Still dangerous but perceived differently by society. Still a risk which is taken day in day out

crazymare are you serious? you are seriously going to use that as a comparison? alresdy had this debate on a thread that went on for 16 pages a little while ago so not even going to waste my time.

cant argue with stupid

more often than not you get to your destination in a car without incident. it is not a certainty that you are damaging your child.

smoking in an enclosed space with a baby is damaging. everytime.

cannot argue it

there are times it might be essential to get into a vehicle whether that be your own or private transport as is my case because I live in the middle of nowhere and cannot walk anywhere I live on a national speed limit road with no pavements and only farm roads

I cannot think of a time it is essential to smoke in the car with a child

stop arguing for smoking just to try and be right. its wrong. completely wrong and selfish. end of

Never once have I said smoking is right or acceptable, it’s a personal choice with its risks and an addiction just like alcohol and caffeine. People take risks day in day out, some people deem more activities riskier than others. It’s called being human

The difference between alcohol and caffeine addictions and a smoking addiction is that when you're drinking it at home or in a restaurant, it isn't damaging the health of the people around you. Obviously if you then get into your car after drinking alcohol, you can damage others, but the alcohol itself won't damage the livers of the people you're in there with.

With smoking, second hand smoke can contribute to giving others cancer and other smoking related illnesses. That's the reason why smokers get a hard time on here.

crazy I dont buy that at all. surely could of atleast waited until out of the car. I used to smoke and can't imagine needing a fag so badly I'd have to have one pulling into a supermarket. surely the extra wait would of been minutes.

no its called being a selfish, not human. people have choices - you choose to smoke in a car with a child - that isnt a perceived risk, it's a proven one

I’m certainly not going to get into the debate of alcohol vs smoking. Yes and like I said before I never said it was right or acceptable to smoke around children. Op was wanting to argue with the mum in a public place without thinking about why she felt it was ok to smoke in the car with a baby. There are other more acceptable methods of challenging the behaviour than shouting and hundreds of others reason why she might have done it. Parenting is the hardest job there is, being judgemental to a mum who may or may not be struggling is not going to help. As mums and human beings we should be supportive, sharing knowledge and techniques to help. Not “I’m a better parent than you” mentality.

Depends on the person, if she is struggling and has needs some people literally live in the moment and can’t rationally think about alternatives at that time. No one knows why she did it. I’ve seen people who can’t even recognise when they are hungry or cold because of chronic neglect as children. The brain is a powerful thing and what we may seem as straight forward or not even worth thinking about is something that others may not even have given a second thought about.

I didn't shout though did I?

Stop thinking about the 'poor mum' struggling and start thinking about the poor baby struggling, for a lungful of fresh air!

Sorry that didn’t make sense, well rounded people wouldn’t even think about smoking in the car because it’s a given that you don’t with children and we don’t even have to think about it. Whereas other people with needs may not have been able to think about the consequences at that time and there was zero thought process to it

Report her. She sounds vile. Nothing is more important that the welfare of a helpless baby.

@alwaystiredzz if you want to help the poor baby then you have to help the mother because she is the main care giver.

Who should she be reported to @user1480880826?

You're not living in the real world if you think every bad choice is made by people having difficulties. Some people are just cts.

^This is so true. And a lot of us have come out of traumatic childhoods!and have MH issues, but are able to think about how our actions impact on others, especially our DC.

The mum might have a lot going on in her life. Or she might simply not be bothered about her baby's health. We don't know. But whatever the reasons, her behaviour is selfish and neglectful of her baby. Having a lot going on isn't an excuse for not looking after your DC properly.

crazy your argument initially started with perception. so although most of us may perceive it as wrong it cant be that bad because most of us will drive a car. when that argument failed, now the mum has likely got issues that are forcing her to smoke in her car with her baby...maybe some people just make poor decisions because they put themselves first and there isnt any way or need to explain it away and it really is that simple

regardless of background, abuse etc. smoking in an enclosed space with a child is wrong. weve all got a story crazy - we all make our decisions regardless

Well, she’s breaking the law so the police would be a good start. I would also speak to social services.

I realize that in all likelihood nothing will be done about it. But it’s our collective responsibility as humans to look after the most vulnerable in society.

@cherryx30x ok then ask yourself why the mum felt the need to put her needs first? Is that normal well rounded functional adult behaviour? Why is her need to smoke stronger than the maternal instinct to protect your child? For the need to be that strong it overtook her maternal instinct there is something else going on there. Maybe motherhood is suffocating her, maybe she doesn’t want the child, maybe she’s not coping, maybe her heads all over the place. Either way it’s not normal to do that and something else is at play

The police won’t be remotely interested nor, I suspect, would social services. It never fails to amaze me that people naively seem to think our underfunded, pressurised public services are waiting for reports of unprovable offences.

And for clarity, it is illegal to smoke in a car with children but it’s also emotional abuse to get into confrontations in front of children which is why it’s an automatic referral to social services if police are called to a domestic incident.

@crazymare20 load of bollocks. I know people who smoke around their kids and trust me, nothing going on apart from they're selfish assholes.

incredible the lengths you are going to try to explain this fact away

no clarity in what you just said either

@cherryx30x that’s fine if that’s what you think. Don’t know why you are becoming so patronising and insulting to be honest. It’s an open forum where people talk, people have differing views and think about things in alternate ways. There’s no reason why it can’t be an adult conversation. If your not open to discussion and your views are fixed that’s also fine. I am not pulling this stuff out of thin air, it’s my experiences and my education which has given me these thought processes. I don’t mind going against the grain even if others don’t agree. I think I’ve run my course with this thread so now. Have a nice evening everyone

no, having your own view is fine but its important to back it up when its sending out quite dangerous attitudes. people who are already smoking for example, and want to quit could come across comments like that almost excusing it, and change their minds reassuring themselves it's okay because they've had something happen in their past. not sure why its insulting to call someone an asshole if that's what their behaviour portrays. call it how you see it. if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's a duck