Smoking with newborn in car

[alwaystiredzz]

Parked in parent and child space at supermarket this morning and a woman was pulling up behind me and I thought 'well she can't be parking in the parent and child spaces' because I could see her smoking a cigarette. (Illegal with kids in the car, right).

She gets out and proceeds to take a tiny baby out of the back seat. I shoot her a horrified look. She doesn't notice. I then get into the supermarket and convince myself I didn't see her smoking, then she pulls her trolly right up next to mine and the smell of fresh cigarettes is undeniable.

I feel absolutely raging and disgusted at this point and quickly call my mum to ask whether I should confront her and tell her it's illegal to smoke with a child in the car, let alone list off how damaging it is for the baby. Mum reminds me I don't know her and if she would force her child to inhale second hand smoke she's not likely to be a reasonable person who would stand there and take an ear bashing from a stranger.

So, I know I am not unreasonable in being outraged that she was forcing her little baby to inhale the smoke (with all windows up), it's illegal, it causes health issues and contributes to SIDS.

However I want opinions on whether I would be unreasonable to report her (I took her car reg) If so where do I report her? Or do I just accept that it's a fact of life that some parents don't give a shit about the well-being of their children and forget about it?

Report to crimestoppers 0800555111 or on-line. not sure what good it would do but at least it's not ignoring it

What a lovely high horse you have.
Being judgemental doesn’t help, all it does is make someone feel even more shit about themselves then they all ready do. Smoking in a car with a baby is bad and most parents wouldn’t do it which could mean this mum is struggling or has never had a good role model in her life or lacks parenting skills or support at home. You don’t know her life or the challenges she may have.
Asking how she is and having a supportive conversation about how hard being a parent is and praising the good would have far more better results and lift her self esteem and would help her reflect on her behaviour instead of flaming her for being a bad parent.

@crazymare20

Smoking with a baby in the car isn't a self esteem issue.

It's illegal and disgusting and YES I AM JUDGING.

Not having a good role model isn't an excuse to be a shitty parent and damage a baby.

Not having a good role model isn't an excuse to be a shitty parent and damage a baby.

^This. It isn't about the smoking as such, it's the fact that the mum was smoking in the car with her baby in there with her.

There isn't really anything the OP can do, though.

@alwaystiredzz how great it must be to live in your world. I have just spent the last 6 months working with high risk women who have repeatedly lost their children. Some of their stories would give you nightmares. But from all these women, not one of them lost their children through lack of love, it was complex trauma, self esteem, JUDGEMENT, altered brain pathways, lack of support and abuse which prevented them from parenting safely and keeping them safe which lost them their children. A mother smoking in a car with a baby sets alarm bells ringing, thinking outside the box and asking why she feels the need to do that and exploring that is more effective than flaming her. And trust me self esteem is a MASSIVE issue

So you wanted to have a go at a stranger in the supermarket with your kids with you? I’m judging you.

Some people are just shit parents.
She is one of them.
Yet if her child died of SIDS or developed serious medical issues, she'd be all over social media portraying herself to be mum of the year and creating a gofundme to give her 'angel' the send off they deserve.

I wish social services had the funds to be able to deal with more 'low-level' abuse like this.

Thanks to this fabulous government and years of austerity and cuts that is never going to happen. More money needs to be ploughed into preventative measures and outreach work to improve outcomes for children and families. More research into trauma informed practices and social workers having the capacity to actually work with families rather than flying visits

Crazymare20

What world is that? The real world? Where we have access to endless health advice against smoking around children, yet some low life's continue to force babies to breathe in their smoke in cars?!

The fact that you seem to think a mother's self esteem issues come above the health and well being of a vulnerable baby is deplorable. Who is looking out for the child? Why is that an excuse to harm your child? Was her low self esteem preventing her from standing outside the car for her smoke?

My post is not about the hardships the mother may or may not be facing - it's about protecting a voiceless, defenceless tiny little human being who gets no say in the harm they are being subjected to.

@BogOffWinter

Stub out your cigarette and judge away

You didn’t read Crazymare’s post properly, did you? Or if you did, you didn’t understand it. Have another go.

@Alsohuman

No, I did. Thank you.

Alwaystiredzz, I won’t be arguing with you anymore, I have never said what the mother did was right. I stated that speaking to the mother and exploring the reasons why she smoked in the car would be more beneficial than arguing with her which is likely to put her back up and not help her to reflect on her behaviour.
You don’t know why she smoked in the car, none of us do. All I’m saying is that sometimes life isn’t as black and white as it seems. If you do live in the real world you will understand the different difficulties people face and the consequent behaviour of these. It seems your world is very black and white and therefore you are not living in the real world. Having empathy, talking about difficulties, exploring alternative options and tactfully challenging behaviours is more beneficial then being aggressive and confrontational, and would in the long run help her to be a better parent. People always remember acts of kindness especially by strangers.

Crazymare20

An act of kindness such as not blowing smoke on a baby?

Jeez.

@alwaystiredzz I don’t have a cigarette thanks, happen to think anyone smoking in a car with a child at any age is disgusting.

I also happen to think people who want to go shout at strangers in supermarkets disgusting. Set a better example for your kids, stop being a fishwife.

@BogOffWinter

Fishwife haha. If caring about a poor little baby being mistreated makes me a fish wife so be it.

Never said I was going to 'shout' at her.

I am a good example to my child, I don't smoke on him

You’re not a good example to your child if you’re having a pop at strangers in supermarkets. You’re just that woman who’s aggressive to others - that teaches children bullying is ok.

She didn't shout at the woman, though, did she? She said she would like to, instead she got a second opinion from her mum and then thought the better of it. She then vented about it on here.

In what way is that bullying? She didn't say anything to her in the end, did she?

A mother smoking in a car with a baby sets alarm bells ringing, thinking outside the box and asking why she feels the need to do that and exploring that is more effective than flaming her.

speaking to the mother and exploring the reasons why she smoked in the car would be more beneficial than arguing with her

It’s touching that you think any “exploring” is going to reveal a more complicated reason than that she just wanted a cigarette...

you do live in the real world you will understand the different difficulties people face and the consequent behaviour of these. It seems your world is very black and white and therefore you are not living in the real world

Nah, BS. There was no excuse to smoke in the car she could have waited rather than knowingly put her child at risk.

You're not living in the real world if you think every bad choice is made by people having difficulties. Some people are just c**ts.

@BogOffWinter

Calling someone a bully because they thought about doing something, took rational advice and didn't do it isn't really the definition of bullying is it?

Thinking about confronting a stranger isn't illegal, or bullying.

Asking a stranger to stop smoking with their baby in the car isn't illegal, or bullying.

Do you know what is illegal? Smoking a cigarette with a baby in the car.

Let's be honest here, even if she smoked outside the car then got the baby , a lot of posters would still judge her.
Hell a lot of posters would judge her simply for smoking, regardless of where or when she did it.
What she did was very wrong there is no disputing that, but some posters aren't covering themselves in glory either.

And "I don't smoke" sets the bar for parenting pretty low really. I know plenty of non smoking parents that are neglectful and abusive in many ways, my own included.

I use more than one very subjective thing to decide whether someone is a good parent/role model or not.

Like your mum says shes hardly likely to turn around and say oh il never do it again I didn't realise! I'm an ex smoker but have never done it around my kids, I stopped because I didn't like the idea of second hand smoke on my clothes affecting them when I had a cuddle. Anyone that thinks it's ok to smoke around defensless children should be safe guarded I'd class it as child abuse.

We live in an imperfect world

Get over it

people on this site are so quick to defend people who smoke...very strange considering how much help there is to stop. also, how much info is out there on the damage it can cause to not just yourself but others around you with decibel gand smoke.

I would of been disgusted aswell OP however I'm not sure saying anything would of made much difference unfortunately. some people make poor choices and that's just the way it is. hopefully she does get caught doing it next time