Smoking with newborn in car

[alwaystiredzz]

Parked in parent and child space at supermarket this morning and a woman was pulling up behind me and I thought 'well she can't be parking in the parent and child spaces' because I could see her smoking a cigarette. (Illegal with kids in the car, right).

She gets out and proceeds to take a tiny baby out of the back seat. I shoot her a horrified look. She doesn't notice. I then get into the supermarket and convince myself I didn't see her smoking, then she pulls her trolly right up next to mine and the smell of fresh cigarettes is undeniable.

I feel absolutely raging and disgusted at this point and quickly call my mum to ask whether I should confront her and tell her it's illegal to smoke with a child in the car, let alone list off how damaging it is for the baby. Mum reminds me I don't know her and if she would force her child to inhale second hand smoke she's not likely to be a reasonable person who would stand there and take an ear bashing from a stranger.

So, I know I am not unreasonable in being outraged that she was forcing her little baby to inhale the smoke (with all windows up), it's illegal, it causes health issues and contributes to SIDS.

However I want opinions on whether I would be unreasonable to report her (I took her car reg) If so where do I report her? Or do I just accept that it's a fact of life that some parents don't give a shit about the well-being of their children and forget about it?

I would report. The attitude that her 'need' to smoke is more important than her child's need to breathe, etc is shared by too many 'mothers'. At the local hospital there's always a crowd of heavily pregnant women puffing away on their cancer sticks. Revolting. She needs to get a shock that someone actually reported her for endangering her child.

Nothing you can do unfortunately. Has anyone been charged with smoking around a child, I don't think it is enforced.

Is this a sign of bloody 21st century mentality or what? You called your mother about this? Wtaf

It's horrible to think of someone smoking in the car with a newborn but I'm surprised you're so shocked. There are so many dreadful, abusive parents out there. I've seen far worse things...

Yanbu for finding it disgusting but try to accept that some parents sadly don't give a shit.

There's a woman I see at baby groups who always smokes around her baby. The amount of times I've been tempted to glare at her or say something but what the point? She'd never listen. I just avoid her and try to forget about it.

OP, you called your mum to ask if you should go tell off a grown woman in the supermarket? Seriously? Were you going to hunt her down again or did you make the call right next to her so she could hear you? Either way it's weird.

Of course smoking in the car with the baby is pretty poor, chances are probably wouldn't give a shit that some busybody in the supermarket chastised her. You seem over invested though, to have such an extreme reaction and then call your mum?!

Just ignore it.
Children suffer the sins of their parents. It will be ever thus.
She could be a great mum in loads of other ways.
Move on OP.

It’s not right but really it’s not your place to get involved. Are you planning reporting this to the mythical Mumsnet reporting line - it’s really not a police matter is it. They would possibly deal with it if they’d pulled her over and noticed she was smoking but not going to turn up at her doorstep after some do-gooder ‘reporting’

I think I'd report to social services.
You are right to be outraged. She is damaging the health of a tiny baby, who isn't able to advocate for themselves.
Who knows if anything else is going on?
At the least, the name would be flagged and they might be quicker to intervene if they get any other reports.

Honestly social services gave much more to be dealing with - do you have any idea of the kind of things that merit social work intervention? Smoking around children wouldn’t even hit their radar.

Op called her mum probably to ask her was she being ridiculous, just for another opinion on the matter! Not telling tales for goodness sake grow up people, the ones saying she was telling tales are probably smokers...

I think until people start standing up for the rights of those who can't stand up for themselves, this level of selfishness will just continue.

^ this. YWNBU to call 101 to report this if you saw it happening again. If there happens to be a copper in the area they sometimes send someone out, and if they get frequent reports of the same reg number doing this they'll do a home visit.

Overinvested. I'd never do it (as a smoker myself) but trust me there is plenty worse going on and absolutely zero authorities are going to give a shit.

I agree OP, she’s disgusting. But now all the smokers will crawl out the woodwork to tell you off and make you feel bad for your very reasonable reaction. Smoking is disgusting, damaging to health and a cause of needless death. That poor baby!

I wouldn't report her to SS. I am a social worker and would be bemused at a referral on the basis of one cigarette in a car, legal or not. Some homes I have gone into with small children are hazy with smoke but that issue would usually be bottom of the list of other issues to deal with. Alcohol/drug abuse, domestic violence, mental health issues, abuse of children and chronic neglect would come much higher up the list.

I agree she’s disgusting and reprehensible. We had a baby in my wider family die from SIDS, having been smoked all over during and before its short life.

But you can’t do anything.

You asked your mum?

What's wrong with someone discussing something with their mum?

I think a lot of people are terrible parents.

It’s horrible but there isn’t much to be done about it. Parents will always smoke around their dc, the smell of cigarettes on a young child is awful, it gets onto everything.

In our local area I see children without car seats all the time, either babies on an adults lap or older ones not even strapped in bouncing around the back seat but the police seemingly don’t give a shit.

This was the ideal opportunity for a passive aggressive note under the window wipers, OP.

Something along the lines of:
"Smoking with children in the car is illegal, you should be ashamed"

Fail, OP, massive fail.

Report her to the police or social services?! Seriously? No wonder these services are so overstretched.
I agree it's disgusting (and I don't smoke) but there is unfortunately nothing you can do about this. Just let it go.

It’s hardly a massive fail by her. How many people carry round bits of paper so they can leave passive aggressive notes on people’s cars - I certainly don’t.

@Cacaca

a) It was meant to be a bit light-hearted
b) I thought most people have bits of paper in bags/glove compartments, not necessarily for PA notes just for, you know, life stuff

It is only very recently illegal. I can't even imagine it , but when I was little (I'm pretty old) my parents drive thousands and thousands of miles across Europe with us, they were total hippies, and my dad chain smoked. He smoked everywhere throughout my childhood. I have 75% of expected lung capacity , so thanks Dad!