Smoking with newborn in car

[alwaystiredzz]

Parked in parent and child space at supermarket this morning and a woman was pulling up behind me and I thought 'well she can't be parking in the parent and child spaces' because I could see her smoking a cigarette. (Illegal with kids in the car, right).

She gets out and proceeds to take a tiny baby out of the back seat. I shoot her a horrified look. She doesn't notice. I then get into the supermarket and convince myself I didn't see her smoking, then she pulls her trolly right up next to mine and the smell of fresh cigarettes is undeniable.

I feel absolutely raging and disgusted at this point and quickly call my mum to ask whether I should confront her and tell her it's illegal to smoke with a child in the car, let alone list off how damaging it is for the baby. Mum reminds me I don't know her and if she would force her child to inhale second hand smoke she's not likely to be a reasonable person who would stand there and take an ear bashing from a stranger.

So, I know I am not unreasonable in being outraged that she was forcing her little baby to inhale the smoke (with all windows up), it's illegal, it causes health issues and contributes to SIDS.

However I want opinions on whether I would be unreasonable to report her (I took her car reg) If so where do I report her? Or do I just accept that it's a fact of life that some parents don't give a shit about the well-being of their children and forget about it?

I’m obviously you know doing ‘life stuff’ wrong then. Massive fail by me then.

TheWordmesister writes I agree she’s disgusting and reprehensible

Apart from smoking in her car, you know nothing about her.
She could be Mary Poppins who has one vice, so please take off the judgey pants and gain some perspective.,

I think smoking in a car with children (or adults) is rank, but it's not the be-all and end-all.

If Mumsnetters were in charge of the world, it would be a ghastly totalitarian dystopian state...

@lmcneil003

Apart from smoking in her car, you know nothing about her.
She could be Mary Poppins who has one vice, so please take off the judgey pants and gain some perspective.

Bullshit, there's absolutely reason to smoke with a baby in the car.

It’s absolutely disgusting that poor baby.
That said I don’t know who you’d report it to. Not sure police or ss would be able to do much. Or indeed have the time or resources to do much.

@SickOFant (great username BTW)

I agree there is no reason for her to smoke in the car with her (or anyone else's) children. No reason at all.
But to label her (not just her act of smoking) as disgusting and reprehensible is a total loss of perspective.

I know it's very easy to make things very binary, so good OR evil, Great mum or Shit mum, etc, but life is more complicated.

So yes, smoking in car with infant is rank. It's not on.
But I believe it's OTT to label ALL OF THE WOMAN as disgusting and reprehensible.

Can you see the difference??

The woman next to me waiting to be induced when I was kept popping out for a smoke. How do I know? She was constantly FaceTiming her family Members and saying 'right I just gotta go down for a fag now'. I was horrified. Some people are just scummy.

Sleepyquest

Some people are just scummy

Agree that smoking while pregnant is sh1tty.
However, it doesn't make that person 'scummy'.
Sure, the ACT of smoking while preggers is 'scummy', but the person may not be 'scummy'.
Can you see the difference??

Its really shit but I wouldn't report it.

I'm sure as a child of the 1980s growing up with two smoking parents, I probably spent huge amounts of time stuck in a car breathing in second hand smoke.

lmcneil003

Scummy is as scummy does...

I think it's okay really. I mean, the price of fags these days, at least two people are getting the benefit from the them.

@FuriousCheekyFucker

Thanks for the comments.

For all those who just commented to berate me for calling my mother to get some advice on confronting a stranger....your preoccupation with this is very telling of your position on smoking

Maybe I am a bit naive, I thought with all the information out there no one in their right mind would force toxic smoke on a defenceless little baby in a confined space. I am a newish mother myself so I guess I do feel more sensitive about the neglect/ abuse of children. I think most people just try and do their best for their children, but I really can't see it here.

I don't agree that smoking is a 'parenting style' at all, forcing a baby to breath in smoke is a neglectful act! She should have stood outside the car for her smoke (legally & morally).

I've decided not to report it. I agree with most posters that it won't go anywhere, and what authority has the time/ cares? I will put my own baby to bed tonight in clean pjs on clean sheets feeling like complete shit that I didn't try and stand up for that poor little baby who is probably being kissed goodnight in a plume of smoke.

that poor little baby who is probably being kissed goodnight in a plume of smoke

And would be whether you said anything or not. People used to mind their own business, when did that stop?

For all those who just commented to berate me for calling my mother to get some advice on confronting a stranger....your preoccupation with this is very telling of your position on smoking

I was a bit puzzled you called your mum to ask what to do about an absolute stranger in a situation where there is nothing you can do.

I have never smoked. My DH has never smoked. I abhore smoking. I think people who smoke around children are selfish and disgraceful. I just wouldn't ask another adult what to do. Please don't make odd judgments about my feelings about smoking based on that.

“Telling tales” ???? Spot the shit parent who thinks forcing cancer causing chemicals into a child is fine.

Wish they would see smoking round kids as the child abuse it is.

I was forced to endure this as a child, as an adult my lungs are fucked.

Apart from smoking in her car, you know nothing about her.

Well, we know that at best, she's an absolute idiot, but in all likelihood, she's just a disgusting, reprehensible person (as I said) who puts smoking above a baby's wellbeing.

@lmcneil003 To be honest, no I can't see the difference but I see what
you're getting at. You're suggesting it's a reprehensible act but that doesn't mean the woman herself is reprehensible. I can see what you're getting at but I'm not fully convinced by this as I think it takes a pretty reprehensible person to engage in such a reprehensible act even if its just a one off.

I think this kind of logic is applied to and excuses a lot of terrible behaviours - just a perfectly okay person doing something stupid/selfish/reprehensible.

Nope.

Now need to stop typing reprehensible

Well if he is being kissed goodnight thats the important thing, not the plume of smoke as you put it

Are you a new mother? You’re very invested

I’m certainly not a new mother and I’ve had told her what a disgrace she was and reported her!
Poor poor baby.

isadoradancing123

Nope. The plume of smoke is still the important thing.

I don't even like seeing people smoking whilst pushing a pushchair

Spot the shit parent who thinks forcing cancer causing chemicals into a child is fine.

How many will condemn this mother for smoking then hand their children processed foods, carbonated drinks, artificial sweeteners and an endless list of other cancer causing chemicals without a second thought? Aspartame is in so much of our food and drink, as are many other carcinogenic chemicals.

codenameduchess

Oh come off it.
Purposely smoking and giving your child second hand smoke - which is more dangerous than smoking is to them - in an enclosed car is next level.
There’s no defending that.

There’s no defending that.

Nope there isn't. But one shit decision/action does not a shit person/parent make.

Tbh this and smoking inside are like the worst heights of smoking.

However, the judgement on women that smoke as people and mothers is ridiculous and vile in itself. You actually have no idea what kind of mum anyone is, and smoking is not really an indicator.

PanicAndRun

I don’t judge anyone for smoking. I do judge someone for smoking in an enclosed space with a bloody baby. I would say that such a purposely careless choice does make someone a shit parent - and I’m someone that tends to make a lot of excuses for people!