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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think the orthodontist is rude

352 replies

Itsmum2000 · 09/03/2020 12:44

Hi,

DS (18) has overbite and has been receiving orthodontic treatment for it since July 2018.

His orthodontist has always come across as very sarcastic and unprofessional.

A few months after the start of the treatment she recommended he get one of his upper side teeth removed to allow space for the bite to reduce, she didn’t provide DS with enough info about this at the time so he refused and then she made sarcastic comments like “oh you’re a man with a plan” “why come here anymore if you won’t get this simple procedure done”

Eventually, he did get it done and then she started to be reasonable again. (Ok I do get why she may be annoyed that he refused to get his tooth extracted, but she didn’t provide him with enough facts and she didn’t need to be blunt about it)

Anyway, he was in again today and he had broken his braces as he was removing plaque a couple of days ago with a dental hook and the wire came off and he tried to put it back in again and it wouldn’t go in.

I told him to tell the orthodontist that he was eating corn on the cob and it came off due to that, which he did and she didn’t believe it.

She didn’t directly say that, she just said “oh well that’s the most dangerous corn on the cob I’ve come across, “I think it’s had a little assistance”

So obviously she knew he was lying but DS thinks that was rude? AWBU?

He also asked her if the braces could come off soon and she apparently bluntly said no and her tone kind of made it sound like it was unreasonable that he was even asking for the braces to come off.

P.s I’m asking this on DS’ behalf

OP posts:
jackie2669 · 10/03/2020 17:56

The fact that he was nervous enough to lie as he was scared of her attitude that is the whole point the attitude not the white lie .she needs a complaint against her and your son needs someone who doesn't make people scared to go I bet she was school bully

TheRosesAreInBloom · 10/03/2020 17:57

OP you ANBU - I completely get you. We had a very similar issue with ours, she was rude, sarcastic and made both my daughter and I dread going. I am on my third child with braces and things do break without them chewing on bloody Haribo!

I got so fed up with it that I made a formal complaint. She was as nice as pie the next time, funnily enough.

The next appointment was frantically reshuffled as the practice suddenly lost an orthodontist- you’ve guessed it... all of a sudden this one was gone! I fancy we were not the only people with issues with her bedside manner! I wonder if you have her now 🤭?

The replacement orthodontist has little patience as well so it seems and therefore conclude that not many like their job and should probably seek an alternative.

I can’t wait for my son’s treatment to be finished so that we can be the hell out of there. Not great for a service which deals mainly with children!

johal · 10/03/2020 18:00

What sort of parent teaches their child to lie. You as a parent are in the wrong teaching your child to lie. We are very lucky to get free treatment on the NHS in this country. You wouldn’t have got this free treatment if you were living abroad. Be grateful always for what you do get rather than don’t get. We don’t know the whole story maybe your son or you dont have a polite manner in the way you ask for help therefore the person at the other end is also going to be defensive.

Piglet89 · 10/03/2020 18:08

@Princessfaffalot say it how it is! I have to agree. PMSL!!!

Piglet89 · 10/03/2020 18:10

@FelicisNox she might need to buck her ideas up...but at least, presumably, she’s managed to unbuck his teeth, which is all anyone can ask for from an orthodontist really, especially as the OP’s son is getting the treatment free FFS.

Ladykluck · 10/03/2020 18:13

So he went for treatment and didn’t want what was recommended then lied to her. It’s very frustrating as a professional to have someone come for treatment then refuse what you offer, and we always know when people are lying.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 10/03/2020 18:21

You are going to make a formal complaint about a situation where you weren't there? About the treatment of your adult son?

What exactly is the orthodontist supposed to do when her patient blatantly lies to her? I'm sorry but it pisses me off when healthcare professionals are blamed for this sort of thing.

You wouldn't get a thread where someone said "my DS lied to their teacher, AIBU to think the teacher was rude to call him out on it" and everyone talking about the teacher not being nice enough. It's the teachers fault for being too scary not DS fault for not doing his homework..

'My husband lied to me about his affair" you aren't nice enough to him...

Your DS broke his brace, doing something he knows full well he shouldn't do. That's why he lied to her. People lie when they know they've done something wrong and been caught out. Your DS wasted her time and NHS money. The simple solution if he doesn't want to be told off by her is follow the instructions given to him.

The alternative is people aren't scared to tell her they've broken their brace doing something they've been told will break their brace, and so are more likely to break it.

Remember the majority of orthodontists patients are teenagers, lots of teenagers aren't very compliant. Sometimes you have to be firmer.

Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:22

Op

You aren't coming off well here....

Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:25

Surely saying you're cleaning your teeth is a good thing to say to an orthodontist?!? Rather than eating food?

What an incredibly weird thing to lie about

I bet he didn't break it cleaning the plaque.

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 10/03/2020 18:25

Patients are entitled to refuse treatment. However what frustrates me is when they refuse treatment and then still expect to receive the outcome of the treatment.

When patients refuse ortho extractions yet still expect you to straighten their teeth. That sort of thing is very frustrating. And then blame you when they realise they've made a mistake.

Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:29

Also

2 years isn't long enough!!!

I had braces for 4 years!!!! After 6 months my teeth were beautifully straight. But it takes a long time to get it so they stay

Don't push it. He's had 6000 or so cost for free. If he gets it taken off now and they move. Within a few months. Has he got 3-4K spare to fix it?

Mikeymoo12 · 10/03/2020 18:29

As a healthcare professional the treatment in this country isn't free, we are paying for it through our taxes and that doesn't give any one the right to be rude. I would never be rude to a patient.

Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:32

If you make a complaint

You realise you'll have to explain that you told your son to lie right??? And that your son lied to her?

Just think that they can stop treating him.

mbosnz · 10/03/2020 18:32

I've often found that people apply very different standards to what they deem as rude, in terms of what they dish out, and rude, as in how they think others ought to treat them. Particularly if they're thinking 'Mum and Dad I'm paying for this through my taxes, so you've got to be dead nice to me, and put up with whatever crap I sling your way'.

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 10/03/2020 18:34

May I remind you all that because treatment on the NHS is free it does not give the right of the provider to be rude.

OP posts:
Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:35

@mikeymoo

Problem is. I lived in America. Yes we pay for it from our taxes. But it's heavily subsidised!!!

My insurance was $1500 a month. I had an $800 bill for getting a gum infection once

We pay nothing in comparison.

Hoggleludo · 10/03/2020 18:35

Op

How do you know she was rude though?

TheCherries · 10/03/2020 18:42

Teeth often have to come out for braces to do their job.

Braces regularly break orthodontists know this happens and that’s why there are emergency appointments available for this.

Braces stay on for as long as they are needed. The orthodontist isn’t being mean. Probably sarcastic tone as incredulous

I would say she was probably fed up with the snow flake generation deciding they know better than the professionals.

My son has braces, he has had a tooth out to accommodate them, he has an over bite that is being dealt with and he wouldn’t dare question the orthodontist

DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon · 10/03/2020 18:48

So how do you want her to react to your son lying to her?

chickennuggets2 · 10/03/2020 18:54

@itsmum2000 I really hope nobody calls you a 'little assistant' while you are nursing for the NHS, as a health care professional I think that's an appalling thing for you to say and the fact you think it's acceptable to speak of another healthcare professional like that is so so wrong. You do realise dental nurses are registered dental professionals with the General Dental Council?

Without us 'little assistants' I think you'd find you certainly wouldn't have dental care like you have now. Where do you think the instruments come from? Do they clean them selves? Do you sit in that nice clean chair in a nice clean room because of the dentist? I don't think so lovely, I think you need to educate your self on how much us dental nurses do before you sit there and bash your keyboard about those 'little assistants'

If your not happy with the care provided then I suggest you take your self off mums net and actually do something about it, change orthodontist, complain the the practice etc. I just find your comments and the way you speak of people incredibly rude.

mbosnz · 10/03/2020 18:57

Last time I went to the dentist, I'm pretty damned sure that the dental assistant knew better than he did, and would have done a better job. She was gently querying what he was doing, and it turns out she was right. . .

Jeeperscreepers69 · 10/03/2020 18:58

18 years of age and tittle tattling to you. Or did you go to appointment and hold his hand 🤣🤣🤣

Diva66 · 10/03/2020 19:23

YABVU. You lied and got caught out.

Mikeymoo12 · 10/03/2020 19:27

We do pay quite a lot though when you add up all our taxes but that's beside the point the nhs is not free!! People who are going to start comparing other countries healthcare costs is irrelevant as if you start adding up the cost of all our taxes the nhs is very far from free. When you say it is subsidised who do you think subsidises it....the tax payer is who!!!!

Original poster
Itsmum2000 · 10/03/2020 19:37

@chickennuggets2 and you will see that I did say that it was just an expression and I meant nothing derogatory when I said “little assistant” I’m sure you are fab at your job and the last thing I would want is anyone to take that personally

OP posts: