To tell DH a lie so he helps me quit drinking

[ReallyBadSmellyCat]

DH will not support me in stopping drinking. I drink 42 units a week and need to stop.

I have a blood test this afternoon. AIBU to tell DH I have impaired liver function or something similar so he stops encouraging me to drink?

The typical MN attitude, he has to be the one at fault not a woman who can't stop drinking

No its a reasonable question as the OP has stated he doesn't want her to stop drinking and the chances of an addict giving up successfully in this situation are pretty much zero.

mrsBtheparker he may well be happier long term if she stops drinking. So why won't he support her to stop?? She has taken the first (and hardest) steps towards sobriety.

www.alcoholics-anonymous.org.uk

Find your closest meeting and go.

It doesn't matter what he says or does, it very much matters what you do. Ignore him and get help for yourself anyway. AA would give you a lot of peer support. If he leaves the relationship it won't be a big loss in the !ong term as it would show hedoesn't have your interests at heart. Once you have the drinking under control consider whether you want to continue the relationship yourself.

It will change your relationship.

It sounds like alot of your relationship is based on drink.

Thats a good thing.

You need to be thinking about wether this relationship is any good for you. Not thinking about lying to him, to jusiltofy you stopping drinking.

If you have to lie about things like this, then the relationship is crap. You deserve better.

Well done on taking the first step in asking for help, realising your own life and drinking is out of control, one day at a time, you can do this.
If your partner still wants to drink that’s his choice and journey.
Do what’s best for you, good luck x

Everyone in AA has been where you are now.

Call AA,it’s free and no waiting list.Do it now while you are feeling rough.It will be a member of the fellowship you talk to.

I called in 2003,it stopped my drinking up until today.

PM me if you have any questions.I still go to meetings and I answer the helpline in my area.

You could give it a try, op but, really, you need to make a positive decision to give up drinking and if you need help, there are people other than your husband. I honestly don't know why your husband isn't more concerned but it's possible he thinks you drink less than you do.

I gave it up and actually didn't find it difficult at all. You don't know until you try. I do drink a bit but only wine (spirits were awful for me and dangerous), not every day or in large quantities.

You haven't had your blood test results yet, wait and see if your liver function is impaired. I hope it isn't but in that case remember it could be if you carried on drinking a lot.

Good luck.

I have not read through all the posts - but what do you mean by "will not support you?"

If he is actively doing something to make you drink, like buying you drinks or drinking lots in front of you, etc, then that's not loving or acceptable.

But it's not his responsibility to fix you. You have to take responsibility for yourself. Living with a heavy drinker or alcoholic can be very stressful, and perhaps he does not have the emotional capacity to deal with much more. Perhaps he's at the end of his tether as well? My father was an alcoholic and I saw what it did to all of the family.

You sound as if you have co-dependency issues, so perhaps look into that or get some counselling to talk through that possibility.

Unfortunately the way things like this work- you need to do it off your own back else you’ll start relying on your OH for it.

I would put your partner out of the equation here.You may think that he is encouraging you to drink so much, but you are now dependent on alcohol yourself, and very much need to get the help that you need for yourself.

Another person/partner etc, cannot really help you to stop drinking, however much you think they should help you.

Regarding the drinking, and your health,only you can try and help yourself,and maybe with some more professional help also.

Why does it have anything to do with him. At the moment he being seen as a reason why you can't stop.
But it's your mouth, your arms, your hands. It's you that purposefully and carefully makes your legs to go the shop and put cans in the basket for you to drink.
I think if you focus more on your own issues and your own needs to drink that will help a lot.
At the moment it seems like you think you will hurt your DHs feelings by choosing to be 'different' to him. This idea of separation is triggering your fear of abandonment. You can be in a loving relationship and not drink. Your relationship is not in danger, but the thought of you stopping drinking is making you think it is. Good on you for taking these steps towards recovery and re-discovering yourself again.

I don’t understand why some people always have to get nasty. Nowhere have I blamed him for my drinking, it would just be nice to have support at home too rather than someone putting a drink down in front of me every night. Of course I don’t have to drink it. Neither does a food addicted person have to eat the cake but put it down in front of them and it will be bloody hard to say no.

And for whoever said he might be happier leaving an alcoholic wife ... hope that little comment has made you feel better about yourself.

Again thanks for all the lovely supportive messages (which have thankfully been the majority)

If your relationship is based on alcohol- then that of course needs fixing.
You may just not be suited.

42 per week my husband drinks around 20u per night full frosty Jack's and 6 strongbow are u sure it's only 42 a week. Check with gp about stopping as can cause seizures etc

OP, your H is also addicted. If he wasn’t then not drinking wouldn’t be any issue. He’s coming out with all the excuses I’d expect from someone who is dependant on drink, and I’ve had lots of experience.

Either way, giving up drink is all on you, there’s no way around it. Even if it doesn’t enter the house, it’s everywhere, so there will never be a day when you don’t encounter it a hundred times.

Rather than lie, I suggest you be honest with your H. His reaction will tell you all you need to know and then you can decide how to proceed from there.

Good luck. I know how hard it is for someone to give up the booze when it’s become such a huge part of their life. My ex carried on even though he was by all measures a complete wreck because of it. I don’t think he’s even stopped now, and it’s cost him his job, his son, his mobility, his eyesight and god knows what else.

Take it one day at a time and just focus on getting through the next evening without. Is there something else you can do to take your mind off it? Read a book, take the dog for a walk, take up knitting, just something to distract yourself and give your brain something else to concentrate on.

Good luck again. You can do it, and despite how it looks now, there is life after booze.

ReallyBadSmellyCat Mon 09-Mar-20 11:40:59
Last night I drank around 7 cans and only stopped because I couldn’t see properly and started to feel really ill. This morning I woke with sweats, stomach ache, bad head, nausea and a lot of guilt. It’s my day off, I should have been down at the beach with my dog. Not feeling sorry for myself yet again on the couch wearing curry stained pyjamas
........
You poor thing. You have a hangover and hangovers are awful. Many people have made good suggestions on here and we are all rooting for you.

oops. Cross post there op.

Well done for the steps you have taken so far

I was also drinking at your level last year and found out I have fatty liver. On Boxing Day I decided to start dry January early and did 32 days.
I am now moderating and doing much better - for some people this works but many need to stop totally.
Definitely head over to the Alcohol Support threads - they kept me sane through not drinking! Honestly cannot recommend them enough

Also make sure you have fantastic non-alcoholic drinks available

The docs should give you some literature re limits/consequences which you can use to tell your H you are following. Fact is 42 units is 3 x the recommended top limit per week
He won't like it as you are forcing him to realise he is drinking too much! But don't let him stop your good work - it's your life and your liver

But in mean time attend an aa meeting on your own or with a friend and ask gp about clordiaazapoxide for withdrawal you be fine love if he feels this way your better without him xx

@mrsBtheparker

If he would be happier without an alcoholic wife why wont he support her?

Don't despair OP! You are not alone. Are you a Facebook user? If so come and join us on The Unexpected joy of being sober group. Its full of people who have stopped or want to stop drinking. Its a private group too and you don't have to post you can just read from others in the same boat.
If you don't use Facebook then please try some quit lit. I read a book called alcohol Lied to me by Craig Beck. I haven't had a drink in a year and I don't miss the bloody stuff either.

OP: “I don’t understand why some people always have to get nasty.“

It’s strange isn’t it . Maybe partly due to the weird name of the forum, which invites judgmental posts right from the get-go, even when it is shockingly inappropriate and unjustified.

If you decide to contact AA, hopefully they would offer support and might be a better help than an Internet forum.

Good luck.

If he will not help you, then he is hindering you.

Our partners/spouses should be our #1 source of support when we are trying to make a change, no matter what that change is.

And if you feel that you are drinking too much, if you feel that alcohol is negatively affecting your life, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

I wish you the best of luck. Follow up with any treatment the professionals feel is needed and find a support group, be it AA or another group. My brother goes to LifeRing and he finds it a better fit for him than AA as it has a more secular approach.