To not chip in?

[Kimbaland]

Been asked to chip in for colleagues birthday present... milestone birthday.

Did this previously for someone's retirement gift.

I got engaged last month and didn't get so much as a card. AIBU to decline chipping in?

Do work colleagues really give engagement presents these days?

No but we seem to sign cards for just about anything these days!

Milestone birthday is a bit different to getting engaged. I would imagine you would get a wedding gift?

You dont give to receive. Also it wouldn't cross my mind to get someone and engagement present, I didnt know they were still a thing.

I don’t think engagement presents are a thing... I’ve never seen that done anywhere that I’ve worked. So unless any colleagues have had engagement presents whilst you’ve been working there, you’re being silly.

Why on earth would you think getting engaged is a present giving scenario?!

Engagement present?

I didn't mean a gift I meant a card. Most people didn't even say congratulations

I think you’re comparing apples with pears, I’ve not seen a workplace do an engagement gift before, unless you invite them to a party or something, normally it’s retirement, baby, birthday and possibly wedding.

But you crack on.

Not the same at all. I’ve never given anyone a gift for an engagement or received any either.

Totally different. I would chip in for a birthday but not engagement

When a colleague got engaged recently we did do a card and bottle of cheap sparkling wine BUT I don't think it's the norm and the general idea is you'd get them a wedding card and gift to send them off ....

Milestone birthday > engagement in terms of office gift etiquette. I would contribute. As @Digitalash said, you don't give to receive!

Never seen an engagement collection in 20 odd years of working in an office. Sorry.

We don’t do stuff for engagements at my work. Weddings, yes. Milestone birthdays, sometimes.

Look, I say this with the greatest respect. People don’t give a fuck about your wedding (and I say this as someone getting married this year, your wedding isn’t a big deal to anyone apart from your and your partner). A milestone birthday is hugely different to an engagement. You’re being hugely petty and unfair to your colleague who’s birthday it is and gift giving isn’t a reciprocal act. If there is some sort of backstory where you also get left out of birthday gifts then you might have a point, but if not you’re being hysterical.

Thanks guys, I didn't see it like that. Will deffo be chipping in for birthday gift 👍

Definitely not being hysterical but thanks 😂

I'm quite suprised by some of the responses. When we got engaged we got a large number of cards and gifts from colleagues (as well as our friends/family) and the management team I'm part of got us a lovely group gift. I've always bought a card and little something when friends have got engaged.

When I got engaged I never actually told anyone at work. A few eagle eyed clocked my ring and said congratulations and that was all. My immediate family never even got me a card. YABU.

Name change fail, OP

I've never heard of an engagement present or card.

I wouldn’t expect work colleagues to do an engagement card or gift. Wedding, yes.

I got a cake and card when I got engaged, but I absolutely didn't expect it and I wouldn't have been upset if I hadn't gotten it.

Engagements used to be a big thing when people didn't live together and had set a wedding date. Now it just seems to be a relationship stage that might lead to a wedding and more than likely doesn't.

It's not " a thing" now.