To not chip in?

[Kimbaland]

Been asked to chip in for colleagues birthday present... milestone birthday.

Did this previously for someone's retirement gift.

I got engaged last month and didn't get so much as a card. AIBU to decline chipping in?

I can understand your annoyance if nobody even bothered to say congratulations.

Decline to chip in if you really do not want to contribute but not because you didn't get anything on your engagement, that's tit for tat. I bet you get plenty when you marry and milestone birthdays will be remembered.

Imagine expecting a card just because some bloke asked you a question.

YABU - milestone birthdays matter, engagements not so much.

I would donate to the birthday collection. If someone else gets engaged in the future and there's a collection don't donate to that if you think it's unfair.

Maybe they'll have a collection and get you a wedding present instead.

I would only organise an engagement collection if there was a party and the staff had been invited, then there would be a collection to get a group gift.

@Kimbaland

YANBU to not want to give anything; that is your right.

YABU to expect anything from work colleagues for your engagement.

I certainly would not be giving anyone at work anything for getting engaged.

If it's a milestone birthday, I wouldn't have a problem chucking 2 or 3 quid in. (21, 40, or 50, or 60,) but any other one I wouldn't be contributing.

I used to work in an office block with some 35 workers, and there was ALWAYS bloody something... A birthday, a new baby, someone leaving, a milestone wedding anniversary, a milestone birthday, etc etc, and it seemed like I was forking out every sodding week.

I have a friend whose two young adult DD and DS, didn't even get them a card for her and her DH's silver wedding anniversary. In fact, the only card and gifts they got was from each other. This was 3 years ago, and she is still wounded about it. I mean, I see her point, her adult DC could have got a card. It was their parents silver wedding anniversary. So I think she had a right to be upset.

But to expect stuff off work colleagues for getting engaged is a bit mad to be honest. Unless you are throwing a party for it, no-one is going give you anything, and you shouldn't expect it.

You are being really petty OP Congrats on your engagement though.

Typically, Weddings warrant office attention, not engagements.

I think if you get married a collection/present is likely. Engagement, never heard of either for this.

I’d also think ahead op. As you give to get, if you don’t contribute you can be guaranteed to get fuck all when you marry....😂

Did you get a birthday card?

Complete waste of money IMO when everyone has 'proper' friends and family outside of work to treat them.

Absolutely not the case.

My sister doesn't buy me anything for birthdays anymore now she has children.

My parents are elderly and cant really afford presents.

I don't have a DP.

If it hadn't been for my colleagues doing birthday collections for everyone, I would not have got anything for my birthday.

It would have been fine if I hadn't, I am a grown up not a child. But it was nice to get that birthday feeling though with a gift from colleagues.

Engagements aren't viewed as they used to be because lots of people get engaged, especially when a pregnancy happens and split before they ever get married.

Engagements and weddings used to be once in a lifetime events. But that isn't the case anymore, unlike milestone birthdays.

I wouldn't be so petty.

Do whatever you feel like doing. However, if you don't chip in, you will always be known as the office cheapskate.

I think a milestone birthday and retirement are different to engagement.

Put in a couple of pounds, sign the card, don't over think it, and you've done the right thing. My work, it's big birthdays, deaths, illness, weddings and births.

I wouldnt expect anything for engagement. I've never took part in an engagement collection. Only birthdays. Leaving or baby. Think there was a card for a wedding that went Round but no collection. Oh and collections when people have gone of sick I.e for chemo etc

Engagement isnt really anything tangible in the way a mestine birthday is though is it. Two adults agreed that at some point they will make a relationship somewhat legally binding if it even goes ahead.

I certainly wouldn't expect a gift or even a card from a colleague for this. Family and friends sure.

Just give a few quid if it bothers you OP, does seem weird not on person has said congratulations though if you know them well, what did they say when you told them?