To not even know how to start losing weight

[Catminder901]

To start with, I will admit that I am overweight - like, very overweight. Like BMI of 47 overweight.

I've always been quite fat, but piled on weight during both my pregnancies and never really managed to lose it. I'm Type 2 diabetic (surprise, surprise) and also have high blood pressure.

A pro pro of high blood pressure, my GP said I really need to lose weight and has referred me to see a dietitian. I'm just genuinely struggling to get my head round how I will actually start losing weight.

I have a lot of weight round my tummy and hips and thighs, so I waddle when I walk, plus I get out of breath and sweat and wheeze. It does not make exercise easy or appealing.

I don't actually massively overeat. I've tried diets and I can stick to them, but the second I lapse, all the weight goes on again and I feel like, why bother with this one?

I am sure a lot of people are going to think: just have some self control. But I honestly feel like, it would be so much easier to lose weight if I wasn't starting from quite such a bad point!

And I do want to change. I know that I'm at risk of health problems. I don't feel attractive. I can't do things which I'd like to do. And worst of all, I feel like once my kids are a bit older, I am going to be an embarrassment to them. I am THAT person who is so fat that people stare.

If anyone has any helpful hints (even along the lines of, you will be fat forever, just try to accept it) I would be so grateful.

It is all about food. Watch some videos on YouTube about how food affects your body. Particularly sugar and carbs.
Educate yourself and it may help you to look at things in different way.
Good Carbs aren’t bad of course but refined carbs and sugar are harmful.
Jason Fung has some excellent videos that will educate you, arm you with knowledge and help you take some steps. He also has a website called dietdoctor which i find really helpful.

AFAIK bladder control is not weight related. I think that's a medical issue or a muscular issue so you need to treat that medically through physio or possibly even a referral to a specialist if that doesn't help.

That said, I would start exercising gently but with Tena products.

Yoga for me is wonderful. When I do really gentle yoga I feel like I want to be kind to my body. I concentrate on breathing and the movements of my body and feel all the stresses and tightness reducing. Afterwards I don't feel like cramming chocolate in my gob I feel like it carries over and I think, maybe instead of loading up on carbs and coffee I will hydrate myself better. Instead of stress eating I will cook a meal to enjoy. I start thinking of my body as the solution not the problem. I feed my body with my breathing and movement and nutrition and hydration. It feeds me with a new sense of calm. It's like an exchange. Pilates is me strengthening my muscles to support my yoga practice, meditation and breathing become a place to go to when I'm stressed instead of the chocolate. I know it sounds like hippy dippy shit and I was sceptical at first, but when I practice yoga gently and mindful it's like I stop being at war with my body and start to feel some self love.

Running. I love running. But I'm often too heavy, too unwell. It's often not something I can do. But what I discovered is that I can still enjoy some of that feeling through walking. I listen to headphones and get some music time and headspace. It also helps give me the time to plan what to do next. It gives me a break from the constant internal battle whether to eat food or order a takeaway or not.

Alternative hobbies. We often end up in an instinctual pattern. The day ends, kids in bed, so we grab some snacks and make a home on the sofa, tv remote to one side, phone to the other. That's fine. That's good. But it's these habits that reinforce our eating habits. So instead have a bath, do a jigsaw puzzle, read a book, break the every day Groundhog Day eating habits and have some alternatives.

Exercise doesn't have to be exercise. It doesn't have to be formal and in a gym. Take the stairs sometimes instead of the lift. Park a little bit further away. Do some extra bits around the house. Walk round your local jumble sale or shopping mall or museum or through the woods or to the pub. Whatever brings you joy.

See weight loss as freedom to live life not restriction from eating certain foods and it becomes a treat instead of a punishment. It becomes kindness and compassion and love for yourself and your body not self loathing and self pity and despair.

I've still got a long road to go and my weight has been up and down a lot but the one thing I am committed to is being kinder to myself. I used to punish my fat body with gruelling exercise regimes and strict diets and of course never stuck to them. I got more and more unhappy. Now I eat the chocolate but I also eat the salad and the lean proteins and all the whole range of healthy and unhealthy foods. But I don't punish myself with ice cream binges or punish myself for them. Food is no longer my jailer.

@bridgetreilly what do you eat on the blood sugar diet?

Have you ever smoked OP?

@OlaEliza It's a low carb, high protein, some fat, very low calorie, Mediterranean diet. But honestly, get the book if you have (or suspect you have) type 2 diabetes or pre-diabetes because it's not just diet that he deals with.

@BridgetReilly ok thank you

Baby steps OP
Get a Fitbit and target 100,000 steps a day
And get a nice diary and keep a food diary
Just be brutally honest with yourself about what you eat for two weeks
Don’t diet , just be honest
As if you can’t even manage the diary and honesty , I don’t think a diet will work

Another tip is to eat as many vegetables as you feasibly can . Though this only works if you like veg ....

Good luck , don’t make it a losing weight mission

Make it a getting healthier mission

Get a Fitbit and target 100,000 steps a day
And this is BABY steps?!

Tip: before you eat or drink anything, you put a spoonful in the bin, or pour a little away. If its a slice of toast, you cut a bit off and throw away. Over a year it adds up.

(a) My Fitness Pal to log what you eat
(b) Walk as much as you can
(c) stand up whenever you can (march on the spot while the kettle is boiling)
(d) close the kitchen between meals - no snacking

What about squeezing little exercises into your day, as you go along? E.g. Google 'bodyweight exercises' and do a minute or 2 while the kettle is boiling/while you're waiting for the washing machine to finish etc. Tiny gains that aren't daunting. You'll feel better about yourself from exercising, despite it not being the main contributor to weight loss. If you're doing some active things, it's extra motivation today stay on track food wise. Another thing you could do is just create 2 or 3 daily menus...write it all down and calculate the calories to make sure you're on track and just cycle those for a few weeks, jus t while you get used to it. You can change things up a little when you feel like you've made a dent in the weight loss and got your head around how and what you should be eating. I seriously wouldn't low carb though, I'm like a beanpole and tried it for a few months, lost some weight (that I didn't really need to) but it really fucked up my metabolism and ruined my healthy balance attitude to food. Plus when I stopped (because it was impossibly restrictive!) I gained a load of weight, everything I'd lost and more. I'm now back on a healthy mix of eating well and exercise and the weight is slowly coming down again to my 'normal'. I'm really not a fan!

I've lost about 6 stone in the 15 months OP, most of it in the first 12 months after a lifetime of being overweight (I'm mid 50s). I understand all your fears and how you feel about yourself. Ultimately I felt so ashamed and embarrassed about my weight I detested myself. I didn't have any major health problems but I did have some minor ones, and no doubt I would have developed the major ones.
A few things that helped me do it, some may be helpful for you -

1. Be brutally honest with yourself about what you eat. If you are so overweight then you are eating far too much (just as I was). Cut out all the crap, e.g., crisps, fried stuff, cakes etc. Every time you eat think about what you are eating. No snacking, just meals with small portions.

1. Recognise it is going to take a very long time. You have to accept that. That said, especially in the beginning take it one day at a time.

1. It is not a 'diet' you need. It is a total change for life in the way you regard food and what you eat.

1. Regarding exercise - I have exercised every day, but I do believe it is not entirely necessary at first. However I think it is a small but important part of long term weigh loss and maintaining a healthy weight. If exercise is too difficult just now, try and do a little but aim to lose some weight first by cutting back on food and then start or increase the exercise.
2. Try and ensure that you have total control over what you eat. Shop and cook for yourself (I cook for the family as well but do something different for DH and DS).
3. You can have the odd meal out, the odd takeaway, but think about what you are eating if you do so, and try and pick something not too calorie laden.
4. As a previous poster said stick to the same at the weekends. The last two points are really important if you want to make real changes to the way you eat for the rest of your life and keep the weight off rather than be on a 'diet' and then regain it.
5. Most importantly of all for losing it and keeping it off you really need to understand why you overeat. Think about where it comes from (for me much of it was deeply ingrained learned habits from childhood that were from my obese mother, who was always on a diet, and putting me on a diet, but inevitably ultimately gaining weight as there was no real emphasis on a normal healthy diet and exercise routine that meant you maintained a healthy weight.) it may be different for you but there is usually something behind it when you are really honest with yourself and think about it. Even if it may be upsetting you have understand why.

Sorry, that was a bit long. But try and do it if you can OP. The difference to my mental and physical wellbeing after losing the weight is so great I can't begin to describe it.

Sunshineand

Oops 😬

I'm just about to finish week 3 of doing Keto & IF (16:8) and when I weighed at 2 weeks, I'd lost 8.4lbs (next weigh in is tomorrow morning). With an UAT I really struggle to lose weight, so this is really working for me. There are lots of groups on Facebook, Keto For The Clueless and Keto UK are good x

Good luck, you can do this x

See the GP about the incontinence. You may need a little more help than the pelvic floor exercises. You don't have to leave the house if you don't want to, to do gentle exercise till you've dealt with the incontinence, I like Joe wicks. Slowly drop your carbs and calories. Portion control is important. Dropping sugars and carbs (pasta,rice,potatoes,bread and high sugar fruits) is one of the most important things you can do, also ramp up veg intake. but do it slowly. Keto works for my husband and me, which is very low carb but higher healthy fats and lots of veg and drinking a lot of water. If you need to satisfy a sweet tooth, find a sweetener that you like. I use xylitol . Whatever you choose to do, take it easy, and it has to be a lifestyle change and make sure you're well supported.