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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how the hell do I get my year 7 son to do his homework

110 replies

littleblackdress04 · 08/03/2020 18:23

It’s literally driving me INSANE! He’ll do every single thing possible not to do it 😫 He just can’t seem to sit down and concentrate (and there are no additional needs) - and then we have a total meltdown as he leaves it too late.

We have a homework board in his room with deadlines, we help him too. He’s just been crying and shouting & refusing to do it.

Aibu to ask for your tips? It ends up with me losing it out of frustration. He works hard in school but homework is like pulling teeth - it’s so painful 😫

OP posts:
NoMorePoliticsPlease · 08/03/2020 18:25

Set aside the time and stick to it. Sit down with him and supervise. read a book if nec

madnessitellyou · 08/03/2020 18:26

Would not telling him to do it have any impact? Because then he’d be having to deal with the consequences? My y7 dd is asked if she has any, then it’s left at that. I fully expect her to do it!

Missarad · 08/03/2020 18:26

Homework club at school.

Missfritter · 08/03/2020 18:27

If he doesn’t do it then remove all technology from his bedroom. If he still refuses then let the school give him detentions. He’ll soon learn he has to do it.

Mercs · 08/03/2020 18:27

I could have written this myself. I sit with him, help, encourage etc it drives me bonkers, he will leave to the very last minute and then will only do the very bare minimum and rush it.

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 08/03/2020 18:28

We try to help him keep on top of it but the resistance is SO massive that it’s a nightmare- not sure if they have a homework club at his school- will investigate

OP posts:
quizacabusi81 · 08/03/2020 18:29

Remind him don't get stressed- let him deal
With the consequences at school if he doesn't do it! You could always contact his school and drop him in it- I would!

Belledan1 · 08/03/2020 18:30

I just gave up after constant nagging and let him get detention a few times for not doing it and now he does it 90 per cent of time. I just give a reminder but leave him to it. He is year 8 now.

saladfingers · 08/03/2020 18:31

I guess long term he needs to self motivate but it's all new to him in Y7. I have a motivational app on my phone called Family Link. At the touch of a button I can turn off all electronic devices until jobs get done. Only had to use it a couple of times and just the threat works now. Might not help if he isn't glued to a device though! Hmm

autumnboys · 08/03/2020 18:31

Let him take the consequences of undone homework. I know it goes against the grain, but it will be much better for both of you than endless fighting about it.

forrestgreen · 08/03/2020 18:32

I'd get in touch with his form tutor to see if there's any advice from them.
I'd ask to see his homework diary, with the plan that things get done on that day or the day after depending on what's due and how much there is.
Work to be done and the dining room table.
Chill for an hour, have dinner then crack on.
And the WiFi / gaming is available after.
But I wouldn't be promoting and nagging during that time unless asked specific questions.
If he's genuinely coping in school then maybe he needs the shock of a detention or two.

MitziK · 08/03/2020 18:32

Leave him to get the repeated detentions. No sympathy. His choice.

Cheerbear23 · 08/03/2020 18:33

Let him get the detentions or whatever the punishment is for not doing homework.

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 08/03/2020 18:33

I agree with taking the new tack of ignoring his homework, not making a fuss about it, not asking about it other than

Have you got ? and Is it done?

and if a fuss :

It's your responsibility to get it done not ours

And let him sit through a couple of lunch or after school detentions til lesson is learned

I feel like you're in an anxiety vicious circle between you all that is exacerbating the problem.

bonbonours · 08/03/2020 18:34

I'd agree with letting him realise how much trouble he brings on himself by not doing it. You've tried to help him and he is not responding. At our school they get a grade for effort in class and in homework each term. If they have the same you could offer some kind of reward conditional on him getting a decent grade for effort.
My daughter is appalling at getting her homework done but she does generally get on with it if I remind her. If it escalates into an argument I walk away and leave her to the consequences.

Jessicabrassica · 08/03/2020 18:34

We use external motivation. When you have done X - homework, spellings, tidying - you can have Y - screen time, board game, go out... It works a treat with ours. Sometimes we get a whole 3-4 hours of child-free time at weekends because the kids don't want to do their jobs and procrastinate. They're usually sorted on Sunday or there's no Dr who!

Jeezoh · 08/03/2020 18:34

You’re not doing him any favours by trying to make him do it, you’re clearly giving him the tools to do it on time and he’s choosing not to. Let him deal with the consequences of not doing it, it’s the only way he’ll be motivated to do it.

strawberrylipgloss · 08/03/2020 18:35

Agree with pp . He needs to agree to a specific time slot every day when it will be done.
At my house, homework at weekends is done on Saturday/Sunday morning after breakfast. On weekdays it's done after dinner. (About 6:15ish) Phones are handed to me and collected after the homework slot. If he has to use the Internet for research then he'll have Internet access but I hang around to make sure he doesn't drift over to YouTube If he has no homework then he has to do other stuff like read or iron PE Kit for later that week. (It's easy to iron but I'd like to get him in the habit before uni)

If he kicked off I would confiscate his tech which is effective as he values it. He's now in y9 and there's only been a couple of occasions when he's had to go to school without his phone. (He walks so listening to music is his way of making it more enjoyable)

partofthepeanutgallery · 08/03/2020 18:35

Are you positive there's no additional needs?

A lot of bright dyslexic children can't 'hide' it any more when they leave primary school ... they don't know they're hiding it, they just don't know why everything is that much harder for them. We had one of those ... back on track once we realised.

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 08/03/2020 18:36

It’s science tonight that’s causing the issue. He’s locked himself out of one of the learning site so can’t use that to help so we are resorting to google- bloody ridiculous. He’s totally hysterical

OP posts:
vhs95 · 08/03/2020 18:36

My DGS has homework club but if he won't stay (fortnite has a lot to answer for!) then his mum has toughened up and lets him suffer the consequences at school of not doing it. Sometimes they'll agree on an hr at the weekend which seems to work and his mum will sit with him. Getting upset is counter-productive as he won't be in the right mood to do it well. Good luck.

Original poster
littleblackdress04 · 08/03/2020 18:36

And god science is hard too 😱

OP posts:
Cuddling57 · 08/03/2020 18:44

It's been up and down for us over the years. Year 10 now and it's not a good year. Had a few detentions because if it. I encourage and remind but even the word homework stresses my DS out. I've tried all different approaches. I now refuse to turn my house into a shouting zone over it.
We don't argue over anything else and my DS is a really good happy kid other than this. I really care about his education (moved to better area etc) and just don't understand it as I was totally different at school.

MitziK · 08/03/2020 18:48

If he's hysterical, leave it. Chances are he's had the work since last Tuesday, so could have got his password reset if he'd bothered to start it sooner.

FourDecades · 08/03/2020 18:55

The stress levels and arguments were immense in my household due to homework

I have now pulled back. Ds is 12yrs and in y8. No one reminded me or even helped me complete my homework....let alone remind me to take the right books.

I will ask and help if needed but no more then that.

I really do care about ds education but ultimately he has to learn to take responsibility for it .... it's a life skill to motivate oneself and to meet deadlines

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