To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

For daytime minding of young children, I would expect to come home to all dirty dishes collected on kitchen counter (not washed up), all spills and dropped food cleared up, most toys put back but not if children used them very recently. So not a bomb site but not spotless like I would expect with a permanent nanny.

I’m on the fence with this because really she should have incorporated tidy up time as she would have done with them at nursery but it was a nannying job and not a babysitting one. I don’t think you were unreasonable to expect the house not to be trashed (Especially is a good portion was tv time) but there must have been an element of your children going a bit crazy. My 3 year old can make a mess when playing, eg pulling out all her dress up clothes but she wouldn’t be smushing food in the sofa

It sounds like you didn’t really ask how it went but just jumped straight into criticism. But, it seems a bit odd that she just left straight away. Was there any discussion on how the children had been?

Stop being so passive aggressive op, you wanted opinions, you got them.

Your kids are alive, no harm has been done. Maybe work on teaching them to tidy up after themselves a bit more.

@idontfeellikeagrownup

Yanbu
Ignore the critical PPs derailing the thread and nitpicking

It's shocking how she let the DC behave whilst in her care and dirty plates under the sofa, all the toys out on the floor as you describe and some broken, and food mushed into
the sofa is just gross. No adult lets children behave like that and certainly not a paid child carer (who isn't exhausted parent giving up after a long day!) . Did she fall asleep whilst looking after them? or neglect to supervise them properly and not play with them? I'd questiion what she WAS doing whilst you paid her?! . What you describe is neglectful supervision. She didn't even have the insight to look ashamed or if fee r to help clear up. Even my DD14 babysitting used to offer to help
Put away toys that hadn't yet been put away before she left the house she was babysitting at.

Don't use her again as a babysitter - which I'm sure you won't. She's irresponsible and did a terrible job.

Again YANBU
No one will book her as a babysitter if that's her standards!

Happy IWD 2020.

You have massively underpaid. The idea that anyone thinks it's ok to pay someone £3.50 per hour to look after two children is appalling. Unless you have access to a time machine and you are posting from 1980? You have raised an emotive issue on your first thread.

One of my ds's first playdate was like this. We have no support too and are both strict. There was a carpet of toys and the DC were wild. I left the DC alone to run to the loo really quickly and when I came back ds's friend had taken a bite out of every apple in the fruit bowl. They are teenagers and I laugh now when I think about it. I repeated it the next week with much stronger rules like tidy that away before you get another toy out etc.

I'd expect an adult sitter to tidy up the mess made during her visit, by the kids she was looking after.

8 pounds an hour isn't steep, it's cheap. You should have given her clear instructions, particularly around eating sweets, and encouraging the children to tidy away at the end of the play session. Expecting her to do the washing up is unfair. Learn from this and next time you book a babysitter, pay a decent amount and leave instructions, so you don't come home to a bombsite.

It sounds like you didn’t really ask how it went but just jumped straight into criticism

She did ask what happened...
But I think most of us (indeed 71%) would have struggled not to feel shocked if we returned to a floor covered in toys and Lego.

Ridiculous that this has become you paying the price requested rather than the actual issue.

I started babysitting when I was 12-13 years old. My mother told me you leave the house as well or a bit better than you found it.

I can understand that since the children were still awake, she could not wash the dishes. But it sounds to me like she let the children go wild and do anything they like while she sat on the couch.

Agree with the others, if I were a 30 year old woman and you told me not to let them tear up the house and eat all the sweets I’d be offended. Were you also supposed to tell her not to let them sniff glue or drive your car?

Ps. It's £5 hour round here too. My friends' Teenage DCs babysit for £3.50-£4 hour. Outside London
As you go further away from
Cities that's the often the going rate, especially if you throw in pizza, cola and lifts home! My babysitters always were given that and box of chocolates to mumch through 🤩
Our nursery worker used to babysit sometimes for £7/hour a few years ago. As you said, babysitting here and there -not as a business- is more often cash pocket money not same as a booked childcare place. And it's up to the self employed 30 year old to set her own rate to you and pay her own NI /tax on the basis you booked her on )

@TheVanguardSix the OP said she paid £5 an hour, not £8. I’ve also used sitters and I consider them cheap but I also consider them simply not as good as someone I have sourced myself. They’ve never once managed to send me the same sitter to try to ensure consistency with my son, so I cancelled my subscription last night. In addition, I came back from one booking to find my son sat in front of the television when he was only four months old. I expect real childcare professionals to know this is not acceptable; I shouldn’t need to have to say it.

Perhaps this woman is so cheap because she’s actually not very skilled at the multitasking and sense of authority which are part of the skill-set required to look after two (what sound like) very high energy children during the daytime plus cooking dinner for them and ensuring they tidy up as they go along etc. Caring for children is a profession and there are people who are skilled and experienced in it and there are those who aren’t. I would wager, economics being what it is, that the worse people will charge less.

I simply cannot believe you’d pay £5 an hour and expect anything like such the nuanced skill-set required from the person you’ve hired.

So - the price absolutely is relevant.

Babysitting is (maybe) putting the kids to bad and then sitting around watching telly ime. What you want is someone to look after, play with and feed your children, as well as tidy up after them. I think that’s going to cost more.

(Friends teenage DCs don't babysit for me that's the rate they charge others) (my DD charges £5/hour but is popular so she turns away offers sometimes. She's even been offered £10 for 2 children for a night of at least 4-5 hours before and been 🤔 'no thanks')

If you didn't ask her to limit the amount of toys they get out at a time or ask her to get the kids to tidy up before tea then yes you are.

I would have asked her to get the kids to tidy up before tea, give them their tea then get them ready for bed or read some stories or watch some TV in preparation for bed.

You need to communicate with the babysitter and tell them what you expect.

Oooh tough one. On the one hand I see why you're annoyed but on the other had you hired a babysitter, not a cleaner. Fair enough she could have tidied up the toys etc as she went along but maybe she was too busy engaging your children in lots of different activities. Sounds like a lot of fun was had! As a baby sitter you would probably not want to leave the children unattended while you wash up, when you're being paid to look after the children. So I can't decide if YABU or not but if she babysits again you should definitely set out that you'd like everything to be tidy when you get back and maybe give her permission to sit them in front of a screen while she does that - that's the only way I can get anything done with my DC around an nobody else to help.

Incidentally: perhaps I am a complete mug but I pay my regular sitter the same whether she’s with him in the day or at night. I’m paying her for the skill set, experience and qualifications she’s got (and worked hard to get!) to know what to do if, god forbid, there was an emergency at night and he became ill or whatnot. She’s in loco parentis whatever happens and I have no issue paying the same fee regardless of the time of day.

Get a childminder if it's afternoon. Most work until 6pm. And they will feed child nutritious meal.
Your DC sound very hard work. I assume they made the mess and she was run ragged just keeping them safe.
Also its not usual for babysitters to cook.

Op you’re definitely not being unreasonable! There’s untidiness then there’s outright filth. Dirty plates on the floor and food squashed into the couch is disgusting. And your children are 2 and 5, perfectly normal behaviour for them to pull all the toys out, they’re babies 🙄 posters jumping on you need to get a grip. £8 is without paying tax and NI which I seriously doubt she’ll be paying, not a bad wages for cash in your back pocket.
There’s no way I’d have this woman back in my house. Also you do deserve a break I’m sorry you’ve been given such a hard time here by a nasty minority

We’re in a similar boat- no support network and busy jobs/lives, 2 DC. Our DDs nursery keyworker has looked after our children in the daytime in the past. She asked for £8 an hour but I paid £10 and an additional 10% tip. I do think £8 is on the low side for daytime childcare but I also agree that the house shouldn’t have been a tip when you got home.

I would expect some mess but the amount you described is insane!

PleaseStopCrying or anyone else, what’s the current minimum wage?

According to this it’s £8.21 in the UK or is there another one I’m missing? Genuine question, I’m not in the UK.

www.gov.uk/national-minimum-wage-rates

Baffled by the idea that the problem was lack of instructions. How rude would it have been to say "please don't break things, hide dirty plates under the sofa or smoosh food into the sofa. Thanks! See you later!"

Reasly???? but on the other had you hired a babysitter, not a cleaner.*

You can play with children and engage them without letting them trash the house you put away toys as you go along before you get new ones out. That's not cleaning that's clearing away!! OP didn't expect her to clean her house just not to participate in it being trashed in a disgusting way under her "supervision" or lack of!!

This behaviour (or lack of supervision) wouldn't be acceptable at nursery and I'm sure the nursery doesn't have toys underfoot on every bit of floor as OP arrives to collect her children!! Or it's ring alarm bells And Ofsted would have something to say on inspections! The babysitter was 1:2 which is the highest ratio nursery has for the youngest babies in their care. A nursery worker is perfectly capable and should be in maintaining adequate supervision at that ratio for a NT 2 & 4 year old.

Washing up isn't in a babysitters remit. You need to give clear guidelines on expectations on snacks, playtime, TV, naps or bedtimes. She sounds like shes never babysat too. Working in a nursery with a set schedule & rules is a very different thing.

You are paying below the min wage.