To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

When I was a babysitter I looked after 3 children for £10 an hour and that was considered to be a low rate. £15 was a more typical rate but I was only a teenager so I was happy with just a tenner.

When I babysat I did some basic tidying yes but I still think yabu as it's up to you to set the rules and boundaries before you leave the babysitter alone with the children e.g. no to loads of sweets.

When I was 14 and babysitting I knew that dishes went into the kitchen, and toys were tidied up.

It’s hardly onerous to get children to put one set of toys away before getting another out!

Sounds awful. Can I ask, though, why you are so ground down that neither of you can stay awake past 9pm? The toddler years are hard, nobody can deny that, but this sounds extreme?
If their sleep is the issue, I’d throw some time and money at sleep training. It can be hard, but it’s not supposed to be as hard as this.

I don’t hire babysitters so have no idea about pricing.

But her feeding them lots of sweets is very poor.

And I Think she should have done some tidying. Your description of the house also sounds very poor.

Yanbu

It sounds like she let them run wild. Not good enough imo. With small children you have to tidy as you go, as a childcare worker she should know that. It's very annoying to come home to that but all you can really do is not ask her again. The reason so many people commented on the rate you paid is because in your op you implied that you had overpaid. I used to babysit (at night with the kids in bed) as a teenager and I got 5 per hour, and that was a long time ago.

OP, don't know if you saw my post ^^ but I stand by my remarks that I am astonished this woman wasn't embarrassed at the mess.

Presumably she agreed to the rate of pay so I don't make any comment about that.

I do a lot of childcare/babysitting and it's not well paid but, there is no excuse for her being so disrespectful to you.

I think she should have tidied up (or maybe not let the kids make such a mess in the first place)

I think the reason you're getting a hard time is because you're acting like she's the one who's mushed food into the sofa and got all the toys out whilst your kids are perfectly behaved little angels.

Clearly that's not that case, your children will be the ones who have made the mess and you should be telling them off for playing your babysitter up (though you allowed them to have popcorn whilst watching TV so that may be on you).

Your babysitter is guilty of nothing more than failing to stop your children making a mess. But it can be difficult looking after children in someone else's house when you don't know the rules, and my guess is your DC got over-excited at seeing her in a different setting and frankly young kids can cause absolute chaos in a matter of minutes - the house could well have been trashed in the time it took her to go to the loo or cook their brand on toast.

That being said I might not use her again because maybe she didn't have good control of the situation. But if you want your children to behave for any baby sitter is up to you to teach them how to behave and ensure they have consequences if they don't. Why did you spend two hours cleaning up after they left? With the exception of the dirty dishes your children should have tidied up their mess, you cannot expect someone who comes into the house for a few hours to manage to get your DC to tidy to after themselves if you don't do that regularly.

The going rate for a babysitter before 6pm is £10 per hour plus I tip on top of this. So if I booked someone from 2pm-6pm I would pay them £60, their time is as valuable as mine. For this, they would make sure the children tidied after themselves, prepare lunch and wash up. You pay what you get for.

We used a babysitter last night from 7:30-11:30 and we paid her £50. Our children were asleep when she arrived but that made no difference to how we would pay her.

Yikes.
Our sitters never do the dishes. That doesn't bother me. My kids aren't very messy (oddly enough) but still, I wouldn't expect a proper tidy up but I wouldn't expect a crime scene either. She should have made an effort! It sounds awful!

I really would not have her back. Not at all.
Oddly enough, my worst experience ever was hiring DS1's (he's 18 now) nursery assistant. You'd assume they'd be the obvious choice. It was pure chaos from start to finish and I came home to an absolute dumpster fire of a home. She'd invited friends around.
I joined Sitters and have used them since. I usually rely on DS (my eldest) to babysit, but he's 18 and has his own life, so I still use Sitters from time to time with the younger ones. 15 years I've used them.

I agree that some tidying should have been done, I would have made the kids do it but I also think what you really expected (because you did want a proper break) was a nanny not a babysitter. Two different things.

I also wouldn't have worried about sorting activities aside from saying a bit of telly is fine with me (unless you were getting a teen in). Just go over some basic house stuff like we don't eat in front of the telly and where stuff is, you might think its all logical but everyone thinks theirs are and no one is a mind reader and for a first timer I'd give a bit of slack.

OP 71% of people looking at your thread think you’re NOT being unreasonable.

Don’t be derailed by a handful of posters posting on here. Look at the results of the poll.

It’s highly doubtful that the protesting posters would:

1. Insist on paying a babysitter almost double what they’re asking for, particularly when it’s someone in their 30’s who can negotiate on their own behalf.

1. Would be happy to tidy up the mess you’ve described if they’d left the house in a tidy state.

And if there are posters who can honestly say yes to both then they are much lovelier than the vast majority of us!

Whereabouts in the country are you OP that qualified nanny services are as low as £3.50 perhour?

Babysitting (as in evening care whilst children are in bed) may come in a bit cheaper but you were contracting nanny services for less than minimum wage.

IME nannies do tidy up the children's mess/clothes but I never had a nanny on babysitting rates.

I wouldn't be impressed. Think of it as a test drive. When I was 15, watching somebody's kids, there were often routines to oversee, homework, certain tv shows not allowed. If you do still want her to babysit again, you are going to have to tell her that you only allow food and drinks at the table, and no sweets, but they may have a slice of the cake. Tell her you are encouraging them to play with only one or two toys at a time, and not to let them have more than 2 toys outg each, at a time. (Or whatever your toy rules are). If she pleasantly agrees and follows through, it may work out after all once in a while.

She wasn't babysitting. Your expectations of the hourly rate are based on babysitting - which is sitting on the sofa in the evening watching telly which the kids are asleep.

She was nannying, and to be honest that's quite cheap rate for a nanny. That's said the house shouldn't have been trashed.

And if there are posters who can honestly say yes to both then they are much lovelier than the vast majority of us!

Whilst tidying the mess would frustrate me and id resent tidying up and yes i would moan about it. I would hope to god everyone would at least pay minimum wage for a highly qualified 30 year old to look after their children. That's not being me being lovelier than others its simply about valuing the person you are entrusting your children to and is just common sense. Even if they asked for less surely a decent human being would pay them at least the minimum wage.

As a woman who has worked with children, I would feel pretty patronised if the parents told me to encourage the kids to put away toys or that food shouldn’t be crushed onto the sofa. I would know those things - and have done since I was a babysitting teenager. If I charged £8 I would not expect to earn more than I asked for (but would probably ask for more). That is not op’s problem though, the babysitter set the rate. Yanbu op.

I'm guessing the £3.50/£5 rates you describe are childminding rates as opposed to babysitting rates though? That will be charged per child. Babysitting rates generally would start around £10 per hour and work upwards. I get that that was the rate she told you though but I really wouldn't describe it as steep.

Also I wouldn't have expected her to allow the children to wreck the place though that's defo unreasonable of her. Babysitting comes with an element of care and discipline for the children and I wouldn't be letting the children do whatever they wanted. Anyway it's irrelevant for you now. If you decide to do it again, choose a different babysitter.

I think £8 is pretty cheap.

Especially for day time babysitting. In the evening sure the babysitter may well be able to sit and watch TV while the kids sleep but that clearly wasn't the case here. I would also bear that in mind regarding the amount of mess I would expect.

The cost reflects the quality of the service you receive imho.

OP, I'm in London and as I said, I use Sitters agency. And the evening rate for my area on a Friday/Saturday night is between £8.70-9.50 an hour. So why you're getting a hard time over £8 an hour beats me! If your sitter wasn't happy with £8 an hour, she wouldn't have agreed to the job, end of. I think £8 an hour is entirely reasonable and it was only 2 hours! It's not like you took the piss and stayed out half the night. You're not in the wrong here, OP.
And your kids are only 2 and 5! Kids can get a bit wild and woolly at that age, especially when they're a bit unsettled.

It is not really babysitting though is it. I have worked as a nanny and done babysitting for families other than the one I worked for.

Babysitting to me is usually after 6pm. Parents go out for evening even if they are home by 10. Usually home by 1am.

Babysitters are not expected to tidy up, it is put the kids to bed routine (who are usually if under 10 already in pj's).

If you are having someone look after your kids before this it is a nanny who yes is expected to tidy up and wash dishes and do activities with kids.

If I nannied I would expect £12 an hour. If I baby sat I would expect £10 an hour. I do not live in London.

Maybe you needed to explain in more detail what you expected of them.

I’m loving the idea that you have to carefully explain to an adult woman that used plates go in the kitchen, not under the sofa lest she doesn’t understand the rules of the house

I'd have thought £10 minimum to sit watching TV while children sleep.
You booked a babysitter, not a nanny.

Sorry, I misunderstood. I thought you left at 7pm and came back at 9pm.
Actually, afternoon sitting is more expensive per hour than evening sitting by about £2.

Still, your sitter agreed to the £8 an hour. She could have negotiated or said no if the rate was an issue. It obviously was not.

You should have come back to the house more or less how you left it.

I wouldn't have expected pots to be washed but I also wouldn't expect to be collecting plates from under the sofa.

I think arriving home to a scene of carnage like that would have been very upsetting.

Completely undoing the point of a few hours away from the children.

If she was a teenager with very little experience, I would think🙄, but a woman in her 30's who works with children to allow you to come home to that type of a mess is both selfish and disrespectful.

She hardly allows that mess to build up in work but thought it was fine for you to come home to.

Very poor of her.
Personally, I wouldn't trust her again.
I would tell that while the children were fine and had a nice time, it was very poor form for you to return to a 2 hour clean up after her.

@MarieQueenofScots You'd be surprised lol one lady a baby sat for would just do a large clean at 9 when her daughter was asleep as she wanted her child to be allowed to freely play and express herself so no tidying was expected... I tried the first time to encourage the child to tidy only to get a 'aww poor baby. That was a bit harsh wasn't it' when she got back... Since then I will ask all the questions if I am not given intrsutctions