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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

401 replies

Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 09:12

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

OP posts:
Usesomecaution · 08/03/2020 10:31

I don’t think you are going to have this problem again, because if I had been the babysitter, who was greeted with this, I would never want to sit for you again:

‘’My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left”

It sounds like you didn’t even ask her how it had gone or how your children had been or gave her an opportunity to explain.

Itwasntme1 · 08/03/2020 10:31

@mencken totally agree this lady did not do a good job.

But while not everywhere pays London rates, they should pay minimum wage. This wasn’t a teenager and it wasn’t babysitting.

OP shouldn’t use this lady again. But next time she should pay minimum wage.

GinDrinker00 · 08/03/2020 10:31

I wouldn’t expect it spotless but dishes under the sofa? ConfusedHmm Simple just don’t ask her to babysit again.

partofthepeanutgallery · 08/03/2020 10:32

It's not acceptable, and someone who works with children and has a lot of babysitting experience knows this.

I would take this as a message: she doesn't want to be babysitting.

Don't ask her again.

Namechange8471 · 08/03/2020 10:33

A two year old and five year old sounds bloody hard work!

For the pittance you paid, just be pleased they were looked after.

tryingtoloseweightnow · 08/03/2020 10:34

Wow we once got a nursery worker to babysit for us when ds was asleep. We paid £10 and hour and thought that was a bargain.

Namechange8471 · 08/03/2020 10:37

It sounds like you didn’t even ask her how it had gone or how your children had been or gave her an opportunity to explain.

Yes to this!

Your little darlings could of been a nightmare and you didn’t even ask?!

SparklingLime · 08/03/2020 10:38

YANBU except that you were wanting daytime child care from a professional, not evening babysitting. So £8 ph is inadequate. You’re comparing child care/nannying to the local (probably teenage) babysitting rate.

TheReluctantCountess · 08/03/2020 10:40

So the two of you are ‘downtrodden and tired’ from parenting your two children, but you expect one person to do the job on their own?

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2020 10:41

They are both well behaved.
Oh so the babysitter ground food into the sofa and stamped on the toys. Yanbu then 🤔

iolaus · 08/03/2020 10:41

I wouldn't expect them to have tidied up messes which were already there - but if it was stuff they got out to play with the kids AND the kids were no longer playing with it then that should have been put away. So if they were playing lego when I got in then they can have lego all over the floor, if they had lego all over the floor but were painting at the table when I got in I would have expected the lego to have been cleared away

Dishes etc in the sink but not washed

Original poster
Idontfeellikeagrownup · 08/03/2020 10:44

You are completely right..... It is all my fault.

I paid someone what they asked me to pay them, allowed my children to have a piece of cake and some popcorn (whilst watching a movie) during the 4 hours she was watching them, I asked (beforehand) if she minded making the children some dinner (beans on toast) which she agreed to but I should have known that was nannying and therefore doubled the price I was paying, and I really should have expected to come home to a trashed house because I have raised feral children that this experience childcare professional cannot cope with. I also need to deal with my choices as I am playing the princess role by being completely and utterly exhausted from life despite having absolutely no downtime and no support network.

I think the only mistake I have made is posting on Mumsnet. This is my first post and my last. I really had no expectation that I am right (hence the aibu) and I can take a good ribbing I am really not sure what I have done wrong for some of you to really be quite so rude.

Happy International Women's Day!

OP posts:
formerbabe · 08/03/2020 10:44

Yanbu op.

I'd expect a babysitter to put the toys away with the dc before getting more out.

I'd expect any dishes or crockery to be put in sink.

AJPTaylor · 08/03/2020 10:44

Yanbu.
I paid about that for sitters via the agency Sitters. They might suggest a little more for the day time.
It would be reasonable for a few toys to be out and dishes in the sink. Not wholesale mayhem.
Try an agency next time.

NoSauce · 08/03/2020 10:44

Sounds like the kids aren’t well behaved after all.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 08/03/2020 10:45

I'm calling bull here - a full trained thirty something childcare professional would be well aware what's expected when looking after 2 children for 4 hours and capable of doing it - she'd also be well aware that you will be telling other parents your story - makes zero sense

Mummyshark2018 · 08/03/2020 10:45

Yes it's annoying to come back to a messy house, but I think you're focusing on the wrong thing-did you enjoy the afternoon with your dh and were your children happy? All this complaining about mess will overshadow your afternoon 'off' and perpetuate the - 'poor us, we work so hard, have dc, no family support, no time off AND now we can't even hire a babysitter (nanny) because it's not worth the hassle.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 08/03/2020 10:45

Fully

NoSauce · 08/03/2020 10:46

Me too Blue.

FedUpOfAdulting · 08/03/2020 10:46

What you requested wasn't babysitting. Babysitting is what you pay (usually a teenager) to sit and be the adult in the house in the evening when the children are in bed asleep. What you wanted was childcare/nanny/childminder service from a fully qualified adult for less than minimum wage. I expect that because of that they simply assumed they were there to supervise the children and nothing more. And that's what you got.

In future for daytime care you need to be more specific to the service you want and explain that you expect the house to be relatively tidy when you return home... you may find you need to pay actual childminder rates.

johnwayneisbigleggy · 08/03/2020 10:48

£5 an hour? Are you having a laugh - are you in the 1980's??! And yes, YABU. She's a babysitter, not a housekeeper

PleaseStopCrying · 08/03/2020 10:49

I have to agree blue i did also wonder if there was some embellishment. As the women would kbow the Op will share what has happened with others so it would seem questionable that she would leave it in such a mess or be so crap at a job she does everyday with way more than 2 children.

I suspect we will never actually know the truth but this is one of those threads where i would love to hear both sides.

longwayoff · 08/03/2020 10:49

£8 hour? You've got what you paid for. Dont leave your kids on the cheap and don't leave them with someone who evidently can't look after children adequately.

Usesomecaution · 08/03/2020 10:51

Happy International Women's Day!

Yes indeed and your post illustrates perfectly the monetary value we place on what has traditionally been women’s work.
Especially as you £8 an hour is a bit steep.

WeAllHaveWings · 08/03/2020 10:52

I wouldn't have expected her to clean the dinner dishes as she should be with the children, but making them put something away before bringing out another toy is no unreasonable.

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