To expect the babysitter to tidy up

[Idontfeellikeagrownup]

To expect the babysitter to tidy up

Backstory is me and DH are downtrodden and exhausted from parenting DD1 and DD2. We have no family locally and have only lived in the area for a year so don't really have many friends locally (interactions with other parents are limited to 'hi' and 'bye' at nursery and school drop offs).

We (me and DH) decided that we would go crazy (we don't get out much) and book a babysitter. We chose someone from DD2 care setting as they know both children (DD1 attends after school club there), are fully qualified in everything childcare related/DBS checked and we like them. We agreed the rate of £8 an hour (seems steep but she's got all the bells and whistles) and picked for the babysitter to watch the children during the afternoon (we can't stay awake past 9pm).

Yesterday was the agreed date and she arrived promptly. We showed her round/gave her instructions and when we left everyone was happy.

Me and DH had a lovely time and arrived home at 7pm ready to put the darlings to bed. We opened the door and well it looked like we had been burgled by an army of toddlers. There was not an inch of floor that wasn't covered in something (toys, craft stuff, books, make-up dressing up clothes - there was even glue sticks), the pots from dinner were left in the sink, two new toys were broken (taken from their box and trodden on) and this morning we have found dirty dishes under the sofa. My words walking into the house where "what on earth has happened here?". The babysitter made no effort to help me tidy (I had to start picking things as soon as I walked in otherwise I would have trodden on it) just got her coat and left.

Am I being unreasonable to expect her to have encouraged and helped the children to tidy up as they went along (she runs the toddler room at nursery so knows toddlers)? They were happy when we arrived home (sat on the sofa eating sweets and watching movies) but also high as kites. I really wasn't expecting to come home and spend two hours tidying up (it was that bad - there was even food crushed into the sofa) and have two very hyper children that took forever to get to sleep. It's made me not want to do it again.

From your title I was thinking YABU as they are there for child care only but having read what happened I think she has to be young and thoughtless. My thinking would be all the benefit of a few hours off is gone in seconds when you come home that.

You'd be a fool to use her again.

If she was a hired as a nanny then I’d expect her to tidy up as she went, keep the house in order etc.

Babysitting is different. The focus is just on looking after the children, that’s why the rate of pay is lower.

Sounds like you had different expectations about what the role would involve.

If you want her to be a cleaner as well then pay her a cleaners wage on top of the £8.

Should her workplace give her extra for cleaning up after her charges too, as she’s also a nursery nurse (and from what I can tell, runs a room!)?

I think the only mistake I have made is posting on Mumsnet. This is my first post and my last.

I hear you OP and I feel for you. Some people obviously come on here for the entertainment and forget (or don't care) that there are real people posting issues on here, that there are actual people behind the words on the screen. Also there is a nasty pile-on culture that has developed on this site and unfortunately is tolerated by the Mumsnet Mods.

As to your situation, when you return home you can reasonably expect to find your home in a close approximation of the same condition you left it in. A few teddies and toys scattered on the sofa and floor is reasonable; food mashed into soft furnishings and a nights work straightening out a war-zone is not.

Some of the responses on here are only worth laughing at. You agreed to the babysitters rate, not the other way around. There is no peace of mind or relaxation whatsoever involved in expecting to return home to a stress-inducing shit-show. You can rest assured that the people calling you unreasonable on this thread would accept the babysitters rate just as you did, and returning to the same scene as yours would leave them frothing at the mouth.

Google is working for me and showed me those rates, I posted the link (thank you for confirming JustFamily!) but posters saying that the OP didn’t pay minimum wage made me think there was a different minimum wage well above £8 but clearly not!!

FOR ALL THOSE BANGING ON ABOUT MINIMUM WAGE PLEASE CHECK WHAT IT IS FIRST!

Thank you “Cohle* too! It’s the same link I posted but sometimes MN makes you doubt yourself when posters are so convicted that the OP should be paying at least minimum wage when she did!

Some posters comments just aren't worth reading. They certainly are showing lack of reading skills never kind any understanding. Some just want to be bitchy for fun.

@Idontfeellikeagrownup you have done nothing wrong. This woman has behaved in a way that is mind boggling. Even as a fourteen year old babysitter I had enough about me to know parents having a night or time off wouldn't want to come back to a bomb site.

I used to be a nanny and are considering some work so if you are near me give me a shout. Happy to baby sit for a few hours and do tidying etc.

The fact you think £8 per hour sounds steep speaks volumes.

but posters saying that the OP didn’t pay minimum wage made me think there was a different minimum wage well above £8 but clearly not!!

FOR ALL THOSE BANGING ON ABOUT MINIMUM WAGE PLEASE CHECK WHAT IT IS FIRST!

The minimum wage for someone over 25 is £8.21, and the OP paid £8. The OP herself has agreed that she paid under the minimum wage.

Do you think the 21p an hour doesn't matter? I assure you it does. Both legally and to the the living standard of people earning NMW.

Since when is beans on toast cooking? Should the OP have booked a chef as well so the children could have supper when she was out ?🙄

Coming home to that mess was very unreasonable.

I certainly wouldn't have hidden my dismay at coming home to such a mess.

I can't believe many others would have either.

OP, did you just let her leave thinking that was OK to do?

If you did, you better believe she thinks you are a massive soft touch.

I would expect to come back and find my house in the same state I left it. But £8 is very cheap. My unqualified teen gets £10 an hour and paid-for taxi home.

Baffling post.

“That’s not even minimum wage!!!” ...well that’s what the babysitter was charging. OP has already said she didn’t barter with her and £8 is above what others were charging.

“That’s not the job of a babysitter!” ...so what is the job of a babysitter, just to keep children alive? To no standards?

YANBU. If this woman wants return business then she’ll not leave your house like that. I assume you won’t be booking her again, so that sums up why she should’ve made some effort to square things away. It’s not different than any other service.

I think the babysitter job is to make sure the children are safe and looked after. Anything else, pay extra.

Also, for everyone criticising the OP for thinking £8 sounds steep (especially when she’s said the going rate in her area is £5) needs to consider there might be life outside of their bubble. Is no one aware how different the economy is around the country? Why does everyone think houses cost such different prices depending on where you are?

Plus, there’s no minimum wage if the babysitter isn’t declaring the money.

* Yes, she told the OP a rate that didnt include tidying up. *

Completely reasonable to expect that automatically included. Just like if the child fell and hurt his knee, you would expect administration of basic first aid even though not “agreed”

Similarly when you hire a painter you don’t say the rate includes laying down sheets to stop paint on carpet; a cleaner will dispose of dirty mopping water in bucket etc

@RegalRita

Whilst I agree with you to some extent - the the gov minimum wage only sets different for London, in recognition of fact that whilst local economy may differ slightly - things like food, electricity, insurance, new cars, flights etc most certainly aren’t locally different

I charge £10 an hour but I’m 40 and work in early years too. I take planned activities and clean as I go. I also do laundry or ironing when children are in bed.

”I think the only mistake I have made is posting on Mumsnet”

Yes. . You don’t really need the views of random strangers about this. She sounds like a great babysitter - congratulations on finding her. Good luck working out the snags and enjoying a long and happy connection.

@Cohle I would bet £8.21 that the babysitter does babysitting for cash in hand, therefore min wage won't apply, if she wishes to register and return a self assessment every year then sure.

Bringringbring12 it’s definitely cheaper to live in some areas. Housing costs, council tax, water bills are all cited here.

www.moneysupermarket.com/money-made-easy/household-bills-the-great-north-south-divide/

I just wanted to stress the point that costs can vary across areas, so we just need to take OPs word that £8 is above the given rate for her area.

@Butterwhy if you’re so convinced, why don’t you find out her details and report her 🙄

Yeah might do! I'm not arsed, it doesn't effect my life at all, but those posters moaning it's not NMW, it wouldn't apply. Plus it's her rates so she's obviously happy with them.

It’s not babysitting though where rates are cheaper it’s nannying. You paid £4 per hour per child for someone to look after them......

I would't expect my babysitter to tidy up but I'd also not expect them to allow that much mess to be made in the first place.

That siad I used to have an amazing baby sitter. At the time I had a job that involved a lot of evening meetings an frequently I'd come home to find that DD was fed, bathed and sleeping, the washing up was done and all kitchen surfaces wiped down and the sitting room had been tided and hoovered. One night I phoned and told her everything had run over and I'd be about an hour late and returned to find she'd made me macaroni cheese (from scratch) and it was bubbling in the oven, the table was laid and she'd even popped some garlic bread in. I was so exhausted I nearly cried with joy. I paid her £8 an hour but that was about 9 years ago so I think it would be about £10 an hour now. I suppose you do get what you pay for.

Don't use this baby sitter again. Find a more mature person and pay a bit more next time.

I'm sorry your rare bit of free time ended like that

I would be very careful that because your babysitter isn’t paying tax than the parent/employer isn’t responsible. They most certainly are!

She will have text messages and will be turning up to work for set hours.

In the future she can make a claim.