AIBU to think my DP is being a massive dick?

[flowersinavase9]

Long story short, I have been with my DP for three, almost four years. We have a DS who is 6 months old. Before we met DP had bought a house with his ex girlfriend a few years previous. Obviously that meant he has paid for the deposit, and the mortgage payments since etc. However when I moved in two years ago we decided to split bills down the middle, that obviously included the mortgage. As far as I was concerned it was both of our house (despite not being named on any paperwork etc).

As our DS is getting bigger we have decided we’d ideally like to move house, but we would consider remortgaging to carry out the work that needs doing for us to continue living here. We were having a conversation about moving the other day and DP said that if we did move, with our new mortgage contract he’d like to go in 60/40. I was fucking livid with this, he said it’s because of the years he’s paid for the house before we met, and the fact he paid for the deposit. I was under the influence us moving house would be a clean slate, and we’d go in 50/50 as we are now a family etc as we'd still split everything down the middle. We had a rather big row about it, and even now I still feel hurt. His reasonings were if we were to ever split he’d get 60 percent and I’d get 40, when that could be 15+years from now and we would have paid the exact same every single month for years. I just don’t see his reasoning. Yes it’s his house, and he has paid more than me over the years, but I can’t help that. I can’t seem to shake the argument, I feel like he doesn’t value me as his equal partner. Opinions please?

You’re his girlfriend and you’re expecting all the money he put in to a house prior to knowing you?

No she’s expecting him to ring fence his deposit, and then pay and share the rest as 50/50

HE on the other hand wants the same, ring fence/pay 50/50 but any equity split 60/40

No doubt to show that he works full time and she part time while she pays childcare and he saves a nice pot of cash. Oh and don’t forget all the extras to make the new house a home.

What's yours is his and what's his is his. You're on a reduced income and had to save to make half the mortgage payments. You pay for property maintenance and repairs. You're also expected to drop your hours at work, and pay all of the childcare, but he expects 60% equity and his deposit back? Personally, I think he's taking the piss.

You have a baby together. I don't think I'd be very impressed.

He has experience of a relationship breaking down so he knows it can happen. My husband has considered us 50/50 owners although I have never contributed so I get the 50/50 thing - but in reality he paid the deposit and the mortgage for years before you contributed so you didn’t not start 50/50 just because you started paying in at some point.

YABU.

Ringfence deposit
Then 50 50 on everything... And had includes childcare when you go back to work ft

This really would trigger me to demand 50/50 childcare and go back whatever hours I wanted to. On that score, at the very least, he is taking the piss.

He doesn’t want to pay for childcare for his child either? Honestly I’d be running for the hills now. Buy yourself a place you own 100% and see how he likes compulsory CMS payments.

How long did he own the house with his ex before you?

Wow. So he's accepted you paying 50/50 even though you earn less.

You've saved and pay half of everything while looking after your child. He does no childcare and no housework. He won't pay for nursery (doesn't see childcare/housework - in the house he views as mostly his - as his responsibility).

What exactly are you getting out of this relationship? Because he doesn't care a bit about you, your child or your future. He sees the baby as yours and yours alone. He sees the money as his and his only.

My dear in the nicest possible way your DP is CF of the highest order. He is taking you for a ride I'm afraid. You should speak to him now regarding marriage and your requirement for it for the relationship to continue now that you have a child. I feel really bad for you and hope that he can see the error of his ways and come to a better outcome for your family.

You've saved and pay half of everything while looking after your child. He does no childcare and no housework.

If we're all understanding this right, I have no idea why OP (or others) would put up with it.

So... you pay your half of the bills and you do your half of the housework and childcare.

He pays his half of the bills.... and decides that you should do his half of the housework and childcare?? Why?

If he was paying your half of the bills, I would agree that it's fair for you to pick up his share of housework/childcare. But that's not what's happening, is it?