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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby sleepovers

110 replies

WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac · 07/03/2020 22:00

Am I the only one who thinks it's nuts wanting a baby to sleep out at someone else's house, grandparent etc when they're under one year old?

I don't think I'd sleep without DD there now.

OP posts:
mytypeonpaper · 07/03/2020 22:05

You do you

APurpleSquirrel · 07/03/2020 22:05

Why is it nuts?
If they're not EBF & you're happy for them to go, do it.
Both my DC stayed one night at PILs around 8-9months. They're experienced parents, & DC loved it. It makes them used to having time away from us & builds their relationship with their grandparents. & gives us a break!

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/03/2020 22:11

I don't see the issue with leaving a child, whatever the age, with a loving, competent relative. Logistically, it is not always possible, but there's nothing wrong with doing it if it works for the family.

Delbelleber · 07/03/2020 22:14

I can see where you are coming from but everyone's experience is different. I had a friend's baby over night at 3 months to give her a break. It was lovely and the baby was settled and fine.

LoisLittsLover · 07/03/2020 22:16

It's fine for you to make choices for your children, in conjunction with their other parent. It is not fine for you to judge others for their decisions.for their children and family.

Pentium85 · 07/03/2020 22:16

What do you want from this sort of thread?
Because you know the answer already.
Some parents, like myself, regularly leave my child under the care of family members and go away for the night. Others, like yourself, don’t want to.
Both ways are fine.
Grow up and stop looking for someone to try and confirm you’re the better parent.

Original poster
WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac · 07/03/2020 22:27

Well that told me.

I just don't think I could be away from mine yet that's all. I doubt I'd sleep so it would be pointless.

I guess I was just wondering what kind of reasons people send their babies out. It's not something we've ever really done in our family until they were 2/3.

OP posts:
Pentium85 · 07/03/2020 22:28

A) to get a decent nights sleep B) if there was an event on C) special offer on at a hotel you want to take advantage off D) to encourage bonding between grad parents and baby E) for a long meal out F) so you can have a few drinks

Loads of reasons.

SinkGirl · 07/03/2020 22:28

I don’t know - I’ve never spent the night away from my twins, there’s no one to send them to! I imagine if my mum were alive I’d have been begging for a night off before they were 1, because I was absolutely broken.

SimonJT · 07/03/2020 22:29

Why is it nuts? A friends baby turned one recently, she has stayed over night at my house a few times, what exactly about that is nuts?

MaryShelley1818 · 07/03/2020 22:31

You sound really odd and irrational.

Some people choose not to do it, some people logistically are unable to do it, some people choose to, and some people have to for various reasons. What does it matter. Before DS was one I'd had a night away for my Birthday (with DH), a night away for DH's Birthday, and then 3nts away with my friends.

DS is now 2 and we've had a couple of nights apart when we got married, then I'm going away again tomorrow with friends for 3nts. I do miss him but he loves it and enjoys Daddy time and sleepovers with Grandma who he adores (he stays with her 1nt a week for work reasons). Apart from those few occasions he spends every night by my side, in my bed and cuddling in my arms. He's my absolute world but I do have a little bit of me still outside of my role as Mammy.

Beansio · 07/03/2020 22:31

Sounds very sensible to me, if you have sensible and loving relatives. Nice chance for a break and a good night’s sleep.

GrumpyHoonMain · 07/03/2020 22:34

Pity OP doesn’t have trustworthy relatives or friends. Everyone needs access to at least one person they would trust to leave the baby with even if they never use them

DianneWhatcock · 07/03/2020 22:34

Ha

With my first I left him with my parents overnight at six weeks old so I could go to a music festival. I had a BLAST and then a full nights sleep haha 😂

He lived to tell the tale 🤷‍♀️ I've got 3 now and they've all spent nights at their grandparents way before the age of one

Judge away 🖕🏻

DesLynamsMoustache · 07/03/2020 22:35

It's not for me, but I don't think it's nuts!

Dipi79 · 07/03/2020 22:38

It's not nuts.
I'm a lone parent with no family around.
When my twins were under one, I had the occasional night without one or both of them.
You parent as you like, but don't dismiss others' choices as 'nuts'. It makes you sound like a bit of a prick.

Rachie1973 · 07/03/2020 22:38

Lol I loved a night off!! I grabbed all suitable opportunities!

I have also had several of my grandchildren from just a month or so to let their parents get som sleep

Thehop · 07/03/2020 22:40

Mine don’t sleep out until they’re old enough to ask. I don’t think badly of people who do different though

Boom45 · 07/03/2020 22:41

My 2 very rarely sleep away from me because there's no where for them to go. What suddenly makes you able to sleep when they turn 2?

Pineappletree33 · 07/03/2020 22:42

i just don't think I could be away from mine yet
That’s fine if that’s how you feel, but some people feel differently. Doesn’t make them nuts. You sound very judgemental.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 07/03/2020 22:42

It would be perfectly feasible for a mother to have returned to work, and working shifts including nights when the baby is under a year old.

Suze1621 · 07/03/2020 22:44

I first looked after on of my grandchildren at 3 weeks old when his older sibling was rushed into hospital. I have also had another grandchild 2 nights a month from the age of 6 months to support his parents shift working. Different things work for different families and I see it as caring for my grandchildren rather than their parents 'sending them out'

OhNoNoNoNotThatOne · 07/03/2020 22:44

I think it's really individual.

I really struggled when ds was first born, my parents had him for a few hours when he was a week old and over night for the first time when he was 3 weeks, I exclusively expressed to feed him until 6 months, so they had plenty of feeds for him.

One of my best friends has 3, the eldest is 5 and they've never spent a night away from her.

I don't think anyone should judge another for how they bring up their children unless it's dangerous, we all have our own needs and coping mechanisms.

ChanklyBore · 07/03/2020 22:45

“Send their babies out”

Is this just judgement on mothers, or do you also judge fathers who spend a night away from their babies? I mean, many men spend their babies first night on earth away from their babies. Many fathers are not together with the mother and spend the majority of nights away from the babies. There are so many family types.

I had to get used to being away from my baby precisely because she had another parent, and he didn’t live in the same house.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 07/03/2020 22:45

Mine haven't slept away without me until probably about 18m. It's a short time they are so young. Its not that i dont trust my relatives, it's just not something we need to do as a family.