Page 4 | Baby sleepovers

WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac · 2020-03-07T22:00:21+00:00

Am I the only one who thinks it's nuts wanting a baby to sleep out at someone else's house, grandparent etc when they're under one year old? I don't think I'd sleep without DD there now.

Littleroundone · 08/03/2020 08:20

What will you do Op if you had to leave your kids overnight with relatives in an emergency?

I left my kids with my parents, in laws and shock horror one of my siblings all before the age of 1, they are fine ,has done them no damage. They were happy to be left or go elsewhere. Now they are older they love going for sleepovers elsewhere.

I think you are making a rod for your own back personally and the longer you leave it the harder it will be. So how you going you going cope if it's an emergency the first time your kids have to be left?

DropYourSword · 08/03/2020 08:27

Ffs, this again. The OP has only started the thread so she can feel superior.

Agreed, but why on EARTH would this make someone feel superior?!

SueEllenMishke · 08/03/2020 08:27

Why is it nuts? My DS was having sleepovers at grandparents from 12 weeks.
They loved having him - still do and he's 5.
And we enjoyed the adult time.

Each to their own and less judgement please.

HillAreas · 08/03/2020 08:27

My DS is 8 months and has had many sleepovers at my parents when I’ve been too unwell to care for him properly. He loves it, they love it, and DH and I love that we don’t have a seconds worry about whether he is ok because we know without a flicker of doubt that he is.
My parents house is a home from home for DS and his face lights up when he sees them. I think it’s wonderful that he’s got such a secure bond with them from an early age.
So no, I don’t feel guilty, I don’t feel ashamed, I don’t feel that I’m doing the parenting thing wrong... I do feel that judgeypants types are waiting for me to say “oh well it must be that you love your child more than I love mine” but that’s ok, their bones will be dust long before I say that.

saraclara · 08/03/2020 08:35

It's interesting to contrast the answers in this thread to the ones people get when they OP that the grandparents have asked to have their GCs overnight.

Yes, I get there's somewhat of a difference, but then it's all "how could I possibly be separated from my baby...what a ridiculous thing to ask"

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 08/03/2020 08:56

@DropYourSword you've only got to read all the answers where posters are justifying themselves to see that it's seen as something shameful to want a few hours away from your kid

Sushirolls · 08/03/2020 08:56

DGS1 & DGS2 are 17 months & 3 weeks (today). I've just had them overnight for the second weekend running 🥰 I love having special time with them and it gives my DD a break.

lyralalala · 08/03/2020 09:00

@saraclara I don’t post on threads like that anymore after posting about my kids going with the GP’s regularly and getting comments like “why bother having kids if you farm them out?” and told bluntly that I was a shit parent for having even considered it

TheGoogleMum · 08/03/2020 09:03

My baby had her first night staying with my sister when she was about 2 weeks old! We had tickets to see a show booked pre pregnancy... she's stayed with friends and grandparents a few times while we was under 1. It's nice to get a break for some couple time with my husband and a guarantee of no sleep disturbances (I'vehad sleep issues since having her). I do miss her but breaks are rare. I am surprised when people aren't interested in a night off tbh! But of course each to their own. I would have found more than 1 night in a row too much I think.

Isadora2007 · 08/03/2020 09:11

Ffs, this again. The OP has only started the thread so she can feel superior.

I don’t understand how people who think there is nothing wrong with babies spending nights without mum can then think someone else is “feeling superior” if they genuinely don’t see a hierarchy of behaviour.

If someone said they don’t understand why people liked fruit mixed in with their porridge and I do- I wouldn’t say they were being superior... just that they didn’t feel the same way as me.

So, I think that when you have a very strong attachment to your baby - and that’s a strong one- not a better or worse one- then you really DO struggle to understand how people can be away from their babies for periods of time. Attachment is a funny thing and while a secure attachment is definitely a bonus for all babies- that secure bond can be had without constant presence. But for many people that attachment is felt very strongly and requires them to be very close to their baby or indeed their mother at all times and if they can’t be, it causes genuine distress.
And if you haven’t experienced either a very strong bond or an ability to be able to switch off from being a mum for a precious few hours it can be difficult to imagine.

User12879923378 · 08/03/2020 09:16

Not really an option for us, and she was a lovely sleeper so we didn't need to. But if we had had grandparents nearby who were able to look after a baby and she hadn't been a great sleeper then I am sure we'd have jumped at the chance.

lyralalala · 08/03/2020 09:17

I don’t understand how people who think there is nothing wrong with babies spending nights without mum can then think someone else is “feeling superior” if they genuinely don’t see a hierarchy of behaviour.

Because they use deliberately emotive (and nasty) phrases like “send their baby out” sometimes even “send away”

The judgement and perceived superior parenting is clear

User12879923378 · 08/03/2020 09:17

I mean it all depends on the situation. We really never wanted to but we had a very easy baby so why would we?

WhiteBadger · 08/03/2020 09:19

Oh here we go .... I'm a much better parent than you thread 🙄

What's the point of them?

BlusteryShowers · 08/03/2020 09:24

It seemed to me to be a very practical thing to do.

There may be times that I have no option but to be away from my child. If he has slept at grandparents before then he will not be as unsettled than if he has never been away from me.

On the positive side, it's also enjoyable for all concerned. My DS loves sleeping at his GPs.

MissMogwai · 08/03/2020 09:32

Judgemental martyr much?!

Each to their own. I've had my little granddaughter every other weekend for one or two nights from a couple of months old. I hope that's always the case, she's wonderful and I love spending time with her.

It's hard being a parent and I didn't really have a break when mine were little, so I know it's needed.

You mention mothers 'going out drinking' - why not?! Are the dads ok to go out drinking?

DropYourSword · 08/03/2020 09:36

I don’t understand how people who think there is nothing wrong with babies spending nights without mum can then think someone else is “feeling superior” if they genuinely don’t see a hierarchy of behaviour.

Because that’s precisely what it is! You go on to talk about parents with a strong bond to their child - as if parents who do allow their child to stay somewhere else overnight don’t also have a strong bond with their child.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 08/03/2020 09:43

@DropYourSword exactly!

Catapillarsruletheworld · 08/03/2020 09:44

Each to their own. I didn’t like leaving my kids when they were that little, but that’s just me.

I wouldn't judge anyone for leaving a baby safe with its grandparents over night. It’s hardly madness. Everyone’s different.

Alsohuman · 08/03/2020 09:46

With my first I left him with my parents overnight at six weeks old so I could go to a music festival. I had a BLAST and then a full nights sleep

My PFB went to Granny’s for three nights when he was five months for the same reason. A very good time was had by all.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2020 09:48

My friend is a teenage single mom to twins. Occasionally her Dad has the babies so she can sleep, have the off night out. Do you really judge her for that op? It's called having support.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 08/03/2020 09:50

I think if someone is pressuring you to let your baby stay away, and you’re not ready, YANBU to say no.
I think if you’re judging other parents who allow sleepovers with friends / family (for work / social / emergency / tiredness / health reasons) then YABveryU. I had a bit of a breakdown when dc2 was a baby; after that point he and dc1 spent one night each week with my parents (I was a single mum). It undoubtedly saved my sanity.

Butterwhy · 08/03/2020 09:50

4 months here he had a night at my parents, but he was sleeping through by then so in reality it was just a case of checking on him and in case he woke up. It was bliss in honesty, the first proper night of sleep in what felt like forever. There is no right or wrong, as long as you aren't being forced into it people shouldn't feel bad whenever they feel ready.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/03/2020 09:59

Ffs, this again. The OP has only started the thread so she can feel superior.

Agreed, but why on EARTH would this make someone feel superior?!

I think that when you have a very strong attachment to your baby... then you really DO struggle to understand how people can be away from their babies for periods of time.
This is where the superiority comes from, hw strong their bond must be compared to those parents who dump their kid in any old place 10 nights a week!

Howyiz · 08/03/2020 10:00

Where I live, it seems that it's always mothers leaving babies to go out drinking every night of the weekend that's the norm, I completely hadn't thought about women who work nights.
Do you live in a single parent commune OP or has some tragedy wiped out all the fathers? Maybe concentrate on minding your own business and letting others mind theirs.