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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Baby sleepovers

110 replies

WispaGoldsshouldcomeinmultipac · 07/03/2020 22:00

Am I the only one who thinks it's nuts wanting a baby to sleep out at someone else's house, grandparent etc when they're under one year old?

I don't think I'd sleep without DD there now.

OP posts:

Oldbutstillgotit · 08/03/2020 00:11

DGS first stayed with us ( Moses basket firmly against our bed) at 3 weeks old as DD was nearly on her knees .

Verily1 · 08/03/2020 00:16

I thought you were going to say a 6 week old! Then I’d agree. But a one year old definitely can!

TeeniefaeTroon · 08/03/2020 00:17

Jeez, I went without a drink for 9 months, I was grateful for a child free night when both of mine were 2 months old. They both went to our parents. Fecking loved it. Judge away 😁

PorpentinaScamander · 08/03/2020 00:24

Ds1 had his first 'sleepover' at my mum's when he was about 4 weeks old. I expressed as much milk as I could. Mum bought a couple of cartons of ready made sma just in case.

I went to my best friend's 18th. Got nicely drunk then went home and slept. Ds1 is 15 now and people always comment on hiw close we are. Hes also very close to my mum so it doesn't seem to have done any harm!

Ginseng1 · 08/03/2020 01:22

The phrase 'send your babies out' is strange one. When my dc1 was 3 months we left him with my mom overnight to attend my good friends wedding. We had a great time catching up with all our friends & our baby was well looked after. We left same child overnight with good friends at 6 mths when we went to a concert. When no 2&3 came along was more tricky as by then my friends were busy with own kids more grandchildren, grandparents getting older etc etc but when we get the rare chance we take it. I know people who have not left their children that young usually because they just not bothered about socialising or having a life beyond babies or they just don't have anyone to do it. Each to their own. What's the point of this thread?

Napqueen1234 · 08/03/2020 01:33

I think it’s more ‘nuts’ when parents cannot bear to leave their child for one night when over 6 months and a shame they possibly don’t feel they have anyone they can trust enough for that. My children have both slept over at grandparents occasionally from a young age and ifs benefitted everyone involved!

ParkheadParadise · 08/03/2020 01:34

Dd stayed with my sister overnight at 3 weeks.
She stayed for a week with my other sister at 4 months, we went to New York.
She stays with the in-laws overnight once a week.

She's 4 now and loves staying overnight with anyone who will have her😂

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 08/03/2020 01:37

I wish my dm lived close enough or my pil were willing to take dc overnight. I’m dreaming of the day my youngest ds will be old enough so I can pack both off to grandma for the weekend

AgentPrentiss · 08/03/2020 01:45

Parenting is hard work, monotonous, stressful and 24/7. If someone has a relative they trust to give them a break from the drudgery for a night, good for them!

I am a much better parent when I have the opportunity to go out and just be me, not someone’s mother. I also very much enjoy time away from my kids.

biwinoone · 08/03/2020 01:45

I know where you are coming from and agree with you. I personally think that parenting is a hug responsibility and a full time job. We decide to take on the task to bring the kids in this world so we should look after them. I personally don't feel comfortable with my child staying with someone else. I have had bad experiences with sleepovers and no way I am going to put my child in that position especially when they are a baby and can't tell us what was going on. I do understand that there can be situations when it is a necessity but I don't think going out for a meal counts as that.

pumpkinbump · 08/03/2020 01:56

Mine is 19 months and I couldn't be away from her. Not that there is anyone suitable to have her anyway.

LagunaBubbles · 08/03/2020 02:09

I just don't think I could be away from mine yet that's all. I doubt I'd sleep so it would be pointless

Ah so it's a thread to allude to your superior parenting because you just can't be away from your DC as opposed to people who can.

thenightfury · 08/03/2020 02:13

My 16 month old stays at my mums once a week, I work till 10pm on that night so it'd be cruel to drag him out his bed at 10.30 to bring him home just because some people look down on small children having sleepovers 🥴. He also stays out on the very rare occasion I go out, because I'm a person too, and it'll do him no harm!

lyralalala · 08/03/2020 02:20

I am a much better parent for getting an occasional break from the sleep deprivation when my children were babies.

It also stood me in good stead when I ended up in hospital unexpectedly as my kids were used to staying with my Nana or MIL so they weren't unsettled or panicked.

I'm very lucky that I've had my Nana, my MIL and DH's first MIL (DS1's Grandma) who I can trust to look after my kids. Sometimes they did it because it was needed, then when the kids were bigger they did it as part of their relationship with the kids.

I have 6 kids. The three teens are all off doing their own thing. SIL has the 9yo and 6yo staying over. DH's MIL has my youngest who has serious health issues and needs 24/7 care. MIL and I went out for dinner, then we went to the cinema. I'm now chilling watching shit tv and eating junk food. Tomorrow afternoon I'll be back on my best form for the next battle of getting DD the care and treatment she needs.

It's made me a much better parent, it's given my kids wonderful relationships with the adults around them, and it works for us. I don't judge people who don't do it. I just wish that worked both ways

Lynda07 · 08/03/2020 02:24

I think it depends how used to the other person the baby is. If, for example, you employ a nanny, that would be OK or if a grandparent regularly looks after your child. I never did it until once when mine was two and he was very used to his grandmother; when we collected him the next day my mum said he'd been crying on and off all night saying, "Mummy and Daddy". You can imagine how I felt, I'm tearing up at the memory.

We cant generalise though, what works for one doesn't work for another.

Selfsettling3 · 08/03/2020 02:30

OP I would never sent my 2 or 3 year old way for a sleep over as that would be too early and unnecessary in my opinion.

We all do what we think is best for our families. That means I understand that other people are doing what they think is best for their family.

rankoutsider · 08/03/2020 02:44

I'm returning to work (nights) when baby will be 6 months. No family to have her. She will be staying with a very good friend for six nights a month. Husband also works nights. I'm not looking forward to it.

DropYourSword · 08/03/2020 05:36

I would have LOVED if my parents could have taken my young baby overnight on occasion. They are on the other side of the world so it wasn’t possible, but I would have sold my right leg for a decent nights sleep.

StopMakingATitOfUrselfNPissOff · 08/03/2020 07:11

Ffs, this again. The OP has only started the thread so she can feel superior.

YeahWhatevver · 08/03/2020 07:28

Definitely not nuts.

PIL and several Aunts/Uncles all had our DCs overnight at under a year. They're all experienced parents and we're keen to help out/ give us a night out or off.

Kids continued sleepovers all through their childhood and I think as a result have no anxieties about sleeping elsewhere without mum and dad - something I've seen quite a few times with DCs friends sleeping here

YeahWhatevver · 08/03/2020 07:31

@Lynda07

I never did it until once when mine was two and he was very used to his grandmother; when we collected him the next day my mum said he'd been crying on and off all night saying, "Mummy and Daddy". You can imagine how I felt, I'm tearing up at the memory

It's precisely for this reason you should do it early. Not surprising that after 2 years it was traumatic

rosegoldivy · 08/03/2020 07:58

Mum offered to have DD for a night when she was 2 weeks old. Dropped her off at 7pm and picked her up at 9am.

For the 14 hours she was away I slept for 13 of them. I regret nothing.

DD regularly stays at my mums and has her own room their and she also has stayed with DH mum. It has done her no harm.

You do you.

Crystal87 · 08/03/2020 08:08

I think it's fine to let them stay overnight if they're being properly looked after. I used to leave my eldest with my mum when he was a baby so I could have a night out now and again. However, now I've got a few kids I don't get the offer anymore and I wouldn't expect someone to have them all, so my youngest kids have never had a night away from me.

Pinot4me · 08/03/2020 08:09

I’m a Nan. I looked after my little granddaughter overnight when she was a couple of weeks old. My DIL was exhausted so I offered and she accepted. You need all the help you can get when they are so little and I was more than happy to help

switswoo81 · 08/03/2020 08:17

My mum had taken my dd a couple of times for weddings and a night away. Then when she was 13 months old I had to have spinal surgery in a different city so she stayed with her nana for a few days. Because she was used to it and my mum knew her routine it was much less traumatic for us all .

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