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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder date sex **Trigger warning - title edited by MNHQ**

107 replies

Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 21:52

I feel traumatised.
We spoke for a while. He was looking for long term, and so was I.
We met up for a drink, we ended up back at his and we got hot.
Everything amazing, until the sex. I told him to stop half way through and he wouldn't. He was too rough, I had to pretend half way through I was enjoying it. I did tell him to stop. I bled a bit too. I feel disgusting. I had just finished my period too and I told him to use a condom. He wanted to take it off and I said no I don't want anymore kids yet. Afterwards he moaned that he wouldn't normally had to buy condoms and that they were shit. My head is a mess. I feel dirty. I've never had a one night stand and only ever slept with boyfriends. It was the worst sex ever. I consented at the start. But he wouldn't stop when I said stop.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 21:53

I've never experienced anything like it and I'm late 20's. I had to pretend to my mum I had a lovely date when I went to pick my child up from hers, when really I was bleeding from it.

OP posts:
JazzyJelly · 07/03/2020 21:53

I'm so sorry this happened to you. You're very brave to tell people here. Do you have anyone in real life you can talk to?

Izzybuzzybuzzybees · 07/03/2020 21:54

I’m sorry you’ve gone through that. I don’t have any advice or anything but didn’t want to read and run.

Darlingsleepthief · 07/03/2020 21:55

Has this just happened? I’m so sorry Sad

Syrinx89 · 07/03/2020 21:56

So sorry OP... No matter that it was during the sex, you said stop and he didn't listen. Hoping you can get some support and tell someone in real life.

Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 21:57

@Darlingsleepthief this afternoon, I'm sitting here in tears, he's not even talking much so makes it feel so much worse.

OP posts:
Ginfordinner · 07/03/2020 22:00

Is he still there?

Puffalicious · 07/03/2020 22:00

I'm so sorry, OP, but you've been raped. This excuse for a man has taken advantage of you. Please speak to someone in RL. You poor thing Flowers

Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 22:01

@Ginfordinner no I left about 6.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 22:03

I'm gonna go to a chemist tomorrow and take the morning after pill, just in case.

OP posts:
somanydevices · 07/03/2020 22:04

If he didn't stop when you said stop, it's rape. I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you. Flowers

Well done for posting here. Please reach out to professionals for support if you feel up to it. Here's a good list of organisations who can help:

www.itv.com/thismorning/rape-helplines

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 22:07

I really feel for you. He was absolutely horrible but you couldn't have anticipated that. Thank goodness a condom was used even though he would have preferred not.

Can you report him to Tinder? I don't know how things like that work but would imagine they have a black list. He's obviously a danger to women and they deserve to be warned.

There aren't many men who would behave so badly, most would be a bit shy and cautious on a first date.

Don't blame yourself, you were having a good evening and consented to sex but not to being roughed up.

How did you manage to leave his place, what was said?

Lick your wounds for a few days, you will feel better before too long but also wiser. You're not the only one to have misjudged someone, many of us have been there. If he tries to contact you, block him.

It's hard now but you will move on. You're young and better things are ahead.

Flowers Wine

Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 22:08

PS: Yes it was rape. What a bastard.

Iwonder777 · 07/03/2020 22:10

This is not your fault. I'm so sorry it happened though.

Yourteaisgettingcold · 07/03/2020 22:11

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. If/when you feel up to it I would report this as it is rape and you absolutely did not deserve to be treated like this.

PointlessAddict · 07/03/2020 22:12

This is disgusting. You poor thing, he raped you. I’m so sorry. You’ve done nothing wrong at all. He’s the one who has.

Alonelonelyloner · 07/03/2020 22:14

Oh OP. I am so sorry.
He raped you.
A man is perfectly capable of stopping when you say to stop. You are bleeding. He has hurt you. You don't deserve this.
If you have the strength please report this to the police. Do you have someone who can go with you?
If not, report him to Tinder.

LovingLola · 07/03/2020 22:16

Can you report him to Tinder? I don't know how things like that work but would imagine they have a black list. He's obviously a danger to women and they deserve to be warned.

Wtf????
Report him to the police !!

Iwonder777 · 07/03/2020 22:18

Ps. Many of us have walked in your shoes. You weren't to know. You WEREN'T to know.

Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 22:21

@Lynda07 we chatted for a bit, it didn't even click in my head what had happened until I was driving home. But he did keep checking his phone which I found rude and he made a comment about me being a mum, over messages he was lovely about it but in RL he was like "why did you have a kid then you could of had more freedom" he didn't say one bad thing about my body though I got compliments for it and he kissed me and kissed me when I went home. Don't wanna say too much about the conversation in case I get recognised.

It just didn't click what had happened until I got home. Gonna block his number I think. I'll keep a note of it and I'll save his photos and I think I know the name of the company he works for. I don't know his last name.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 22:23

Actually sitting here in tears, honestly thought I was gonna get people commenting that is was me being silly but the more I read everyone's comments the more it's making me realise. Sad

OP posts:
username1724 · 07/03/2020 22:24

I had something similar happen years ago, I bled, I left with bruises and was verbally abused during the event. To be honest almost 10 years later it still haunts me, and I regret so much not doing something about it because 'I went back with him' 'I wasnt forceful enough to get him to stop' etc. I still hold onto anger, dont let this go is my advice.

Deathgrip · 07/03/2020 22:27

Of course you’re not being silly. You said no. You told him to stop. He didn’t. That’s rape.

Can you contct Rape Crisis or look and see if you have a nearby SARC? They can support you, an SARC can take evidence in case you want to report him later, but you don’t have to make any decisions about any of that right now. Important thing is that you’re safe now and you have done nothing wrong.

rootsonshow · 07/03/2020 22:27

Please look forward and dont be caught unawares again. He raped you and it is unfair x

ByeMF · 07/03/2020 22:27

What a horrible man. He completely abused your trust.

You need to take a bit of time, be really kind to yourself. This wasn't your fault.

Some people want to press charges. Some people are too traumatised to speak to the police. My daughter was raped, she couldn't bring herself to speak to them which was devastating for us but we had to respect her choice. But even if you don't want to press charges could you consider giving them his name? If they already have a file on him it helps them build a stronger picture.

Enjoy spending time with your child and please reach out to someone about this, even if it's a helpline. You need looking after Flowers

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