Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Tinder date sex **Trigger warning - title edited by MNHQ**

107 replies

Ifeeldisgusting · 07/03/2020 21:52

I feel traumatised.
We spoke for a while. He was looking for long term, and so was I.
We met up for a drink, we ended up back at his and we got hot.
Everything amazing, until the sex. I told him to stop half way through and he wouldn't. He was too rough, I had to pretend half way through I was enjoying it. I did tell him to stop. I bled a bit too. I feel disgusting. I had just finished my period too and I told him to use a condom. He wanted to take it off and I said no I don't want anymore kids yet. Afterwards he moaned that he wouldn't normally had to buy condoms and that they were shit. My head is a mess. I feel dirty. I've never had a one night stand and only ever slept with boyfriends. It was the worst sex ever. I consented at the start. But he wouldn't stop when I said stop.

OP posts:
Lynda07 · 07/03/2020 22:28

Yes, Lola, reporting to police would be best really but I don't know if the op will do that. Bless her, she needs to talk to someone in a rape counselling role, it's such a difficult thing for her to process.

OP, I have just looked up Tinder and it appears to be a dating site for people to meet who want casual encounters and affairs. Please don't use them again, you are worth more than that. You said you were looking for long term and he said the same but he was not being honest.

justasking111 · 07/03/2020 22:29

So sorry you were raped however he tries to couch it. You can choose to go to police, talk to a counsellor and of course get the morning after pill. This happens too often.

Therarestone · 07/03/2020 22:30

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Please block him, speak to someone, you are not alone

iamclaireandfleabag · 07/03/2020 22:31

Just want to say google Sexual Assault Referral Centre and your nearest town/city or the county you are in. Speak to them about your options. You DO NOT have to report to police to access their service. They can offer emergency contraception, assess and document any injuries and take clothing/samples for a later date should you decide to report in the future (you have 7 years). They can arrange ongoing support and any helpful referrals. I hope you can make contact with them as you should find it a positive and helpful experience

NurseButtercup · 07/03/2020 22:32

I'm so sorry this has happened.
No means no.
It's not your fault.
Is there someone IRL that you can call and ask to be with you?
If there is please call them, talk about what's happened decide if you want to call the police.

NoMoreDickheads · 07/03/2020 22:36

What an awful experience. Sad He's a rapist hun. It'd be worth reporting to the police if you feel able- at least then it'll be on file if anyone has issues with him in future. xxxxx

Zaphodsotherhead · 07/03/2020 22:41

Even if you decide you don't want to involve the police, please please do talk to someone. Keeping it to yourself will only damage you. If you do want to involve the police, don't worry about having to do it immediately. Take your time, breathe.

And talk to someone.

category12 · 07/03/2020 22:42

Please speak to Rape Crisis. Sorry he did this.

Dontjumptoconclusions · 07/03/2020 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MimiLaRue · 07/03/2020 22:57

I'm so so sorry OP, youve been raped.

Please talk to someone about this - friends/support lines and if you feel comfortable, get advice from the police about what to do next.

((((hugs)))) I'm so sorry this happened to you

BillieEilish · 07/03/2020 22:59

You poor thing Flowers

Namechangexyz1 · 07/03/2020 23:00

Jeez that happened to me with someone I knew and trusted not long ago. I said stop it hurts and he wouldn't.

Trigger warning for the title or I wouldn't have opened that thread.

MaggieMcSplash · 07/03/2020 23:01

You can withdraw consent during sex. If you said no and to stop and he continued after that then it is rape. You can self refer to a Haven (London) or another support clinic in your area. You can later decide what you want to do. I would seek help and support and get checked out if you are still bleeding. It was not your fault.

gamerwidow · 07/03/2020 23:09

You are not dirty, you haven't done anything wrong. He is an arsehole though. You can say no at anytime and it should be respected. Please don't think it's you who are wrong.

Stressheadme123 · 07/03/2020 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ for quoting a deleted post.

brighterdays2 · 07/03/2020 23:14

Didn't want to read and run. OP, please report this disgusting excuse for a human being. And get yourself some counselling, or a trusted friend to chat to in the mean time. Stop means stop. Take care of yourself. Flowers

BIWI · 07/03/2020 23:14

Firstly, change your username. You are not disgusting.

Second, change the thread title to Tinder Date rape.

You should report him. Honestly. This was not good sex or a good date, this was somebody raping you.

PointlessAddict · 07/03/2020 23:15

I’m so sorry @Namechangexyz1

Wereallsquare · 07/03/2020 23:31

I am really sorry that happened to you. He had no right to force you to continue to have sex. He is a rapist and a criminal and a horrible, horrible creature.

It is up to you what you decide to do. You are probably still in shock about it all. My ex-partner did the same to me and my head was spinning for a long time. It was so unexpected and so violent. It was a shock to realise he did not care about me or my feelings at all.

iamclaireandfleabag above has given really solid advice.

oncemorewithfeeling99 · 07/03/2020 23:42

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Nothing you did could justify what he did. Please don’t blame yourself for his criminal behaviour.

I second what others said that going to a SARC means they can record evidence which even years from now you can use. If you don’t get it recorded then it is lost. You don’t have to decide to report it, only that one day you might want to.

This is not your fault.

Zhuleva · 07/03/2020 23:54

So sorry he did this to you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. You’re not dirty - he is. He’s a vile POS who just took advantage of you because you were nice to him. Like others I’d recommend you speak to someone about this - and do whatever you need to to make yourself feel better.

You sound like a lovely person and you didn’t deserve this. X

incognitomum · 08/03/2020 00:00

I'm so sorry. I hope you can talk to someone Flowers

Newsorrynewagain · 08/03/2020 00:27

You said no, he carried on. That’s rape. I know that it’s not what you think of as rape but it is. You have the choice at any point to say no and he should stop. Please have a think about reporting him. If your not able to then please block and look after yourself x

Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 08/03/2020 00:36

I've blocked him on everything including Tinder. I didn't even tell him I was doing it. I unmatched him and Tinder asks for a reason so I put rapist as the reason. I'll tell both my closest friends when I next see them, I'm just waiting for them to reply to me for me to tell them. It's late now so gonna try and get some sleep. I'm stinging a bit and still slightly bleeding. I feel like I never wanna have sex again even if it is with the right man.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ifeeldisgusting · 08/03/2020 00:38

Also I've found the company he works for on Facebook but can't find him so I've kept note of it. I've got his pictures from Tinder kept too just in case.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread