Pissed at DH. Should I cut my losses?

[Minnildn]

DH and I married about 1.5 years ago. I moved 2+ hours to be with him (his mother lives with him too)
My job dictated that I travel back to hometown 2/3 days a week so spent this time away from him.
Things were going well until late last yr when we went on a family trip. Me, DH, MIL and my mum.
A massive row broke out between my MIL and mother. I did my best to stay out of it. DH got involved though and was very loud and rude to my mum.

MIL said some hurtful things about me too and DH did not once step in and stand up for me.

After this, he completely ignored me and my mum. We spent the rest of the trip as 2 seperate parties essentially.
DH and mum haven't spoken for almost 6 months.

When we returned he told me I'd not been giving the marriage my full attention as I'm working away so much and I'm not willing to have kids (not the case). I suspect these are MILs words because we've never discussed this being an issue before.

Anyway, to remedy what I thought were his concerns, I stopped travelling up to my hometown and subsequently lost my job.

We also started trying for a baby.

I fell pregnant about 2 months ago but I've just had a miscarriage.

He has been very little support during this whole process. He'll be there for the appointments etc but there's no care or compassion from him towards me. He'll never just drop me a text during the day to see if I'm doing ok. He'll never offer help with chores knowing what I'm going through.

I'm contemplating if I'm making a big mistake by wanting a family with him. Should I cut my losses?

Get out now, he doesn't sound very nice.

I'd def cut my losses - think of it as a lucky escape

Sorry about your miscarriage.

Leave him even if it means going and living with family temporarily. You do not want to have a baby with this man and be tied to him forever. Get out now.

Yes

Dont bring kids into this

Sorry for your loss

Run and don't look back.
Do not look upon this as failing - it's bloody self preservation...

Definitely cut your losses. Escape whilst you still can

Oh OP, I know this will sound heartless but thank God you are not still pregnant. Please get out now and go back to your home town or somewhere new and find a new job.

Life will be happy again for you, it will take time to recover but start to-day - right now - and you will get there.

definitely leave OP... so sorry to hear of you loss 🌺

Losing your job and cutting down on seeing your mum just so you can keep a husband who doesn't really care for you - bad decisions. Leaving the husband, moving back to your home town and getting back into your career would be good decisions.

He’s not who you thought he was.

Get back to your hometown and your mum. Even if, in your head, it's only temporary to get a bit of space and clarity. Get home.

I'd say don't try for a baby with this man unless he's willing to work through all these issues and for you to both change a little. I find it crazy you just dropped your job because he had a bit of a sulk about it, sounds abit like he just wants you to stay at home and be devoted to 'marriage' annd have kids without any emotional support from him. It also sounds like maybe you two need your own space to work out what being married to each other means without MIL there, I would hate to have to live with a parent whether it was my own or an in law. As for not speaking to your mum for 6 months and not sticking up for you when MIL was rude about you, he sounds rather immature.

Is it possible that I do actually love him and the thought of life without him is quite sad.
I'd feel like a failure having 'given up' on the marriage so quickly.

When it's going well, it's going really well.

Sorry that’s probably better put as a question.

Is he who you thought he was?

Leave now before you waste any more of your life with this man

I’m sorry for your your loss, but yes. Sunk cost fallacy etc. Run.

I’m sorry for your loss, I would put a pause on trying to have a baby and talk to your DH about these issues and work out if he’s willing to address any of it.

I genuinely thought he was a kind, sensitive and caring person.
On paper he still is those things but he's emotionally empty.

He had an extremely abusive father and hasn't seen him in over 30 years.

He probably still carries baggage from seeing his mum abused like that.

But he won't open up to me. Never cry in front of me. Never any real emotion. Almost like he isn't capeable.

Please don't subscribe to the sunk costs fallacy of staying to try to make it better because you don't want to be seen as giving up. He has shown you who he is (I honestly cannot believe a grown man does not speak to your mum, unless she has a tendency to be a really horrid person, but you have not indicated this) also he puts his own mum first (why would you move in with a man who lived with his mother??)/

Please don't have DC with this man.

I've actually never said this on MN but you should leave him asap in my opinion.

I’m sorry but he’ll never change. Ever. Cut your losses and find someone who’s capable of actual love and compassion.

I’m so sorry for your loss

I think if you're asking the question then you already know the answer. He isn't treating you well and you deserve better.

YANBU. So much so you’re 103% not being unreasonable. He will never change and his lack of support through your miscarriage is shocking. Leave and give yourself a chance to be happy with the right person.

You can love someone that is NOT good for you.
Why do you think people stay with abusive partners? I’m not saying he is abusive, just an illustration. I would cut losses, your mum will always be your Mum and at so point he will make you chose.