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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu weddings abroad?

104 replies

PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 19:55

Was talking to my sister earlier and she said that when she gets married she wants to get married abroad. She isn't actually engaged so just hypothetical. I mentioned that I wouldn't be able to come in that case and she was disappointed and seemed to think it was a bit out of order. But I would never be able to afford it (Caribbean) I don't mind not going. Aibu to think that if you choose to get married abroad then you just have to accept that some people might not be able to come?

OP posts:
Didntwanttochangemyname · 05/03/2020 19:58

You know you aren't being unreasonable. No one is going to disagree.

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 05/03/2020 19:59

Of course people getting married abroad need to accept that some won’t make it. However, as it is your sister, you could maybe start saving once she gets engaged as you’ll probably have at least a years notice. If you’re tight on money, then you could explain that if you go, you won’t be able to afford a gift as well.

Ponoka7 · 05/03/2020 20:02

You've got to decide on whether those that are important to you, are going to be able to make it.

I think some people book where they do, to avoid people going, tbh.

You can't complain if there are genuine reasons stopping people from attending.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 20:03

I couldn't save enough as have 4 children who I would have to pay for aswell. She seemed to think i was a bit unreasonable so thought I would ask.

OP posts:
Nomel · 05/03/2020 20:03

I think it’s unreasonable if you’re close with your sister. With notice could you not save up?

Mamato2gorgeousboys · 05/03/2020 20:04

Op, definitely not unreasonable then. I could understand her being miffed if you had the means to save but chose not to or went on another holiday instead. If not, then she’ll just have to get over it when the time comes. It’s not something to be arguing about now as it’s not actually happening.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 20:07

See I've been told that it is unreasonable...

I couldn't save up £5000+ for it no.

OP posts:
ilovedjerrymore · 05/03/2020 20:07

A very very close family member choose a wedding abroad - expensive place in high season. The family member was the groom who also had elderly parents that couldn’t fly. He choose to go ahead with the wedding with not one of his family members there as they either couldn’t fly or couldn’t afford it that was their choice as it was his to get married abroad. Everyone has to do what is right for them.

user1471449295 · 05/03/2020 20:07

Even with notice, not everyone is able to put money aside to save up. People have children, financial commitments and maybe just don’t have the income to put aside.
Don’t feel bad OP. If she is planning this wedding in the Caribbean then she will soon understand that not everyone can afford it

Original poster
PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 20:08

It wasn't an argument at all. She just seemed a bit disappointed

OP posts:
Fantasiaa · 05/03/2020 20:09

What’s the problem then ?

It’s fair for you not to go. She accepts this. No arguments. It’s fair for her to be disappointed as long as she understands that you can’t afford to go?

No need for a thread.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 20:11

Then don't comment if you think there is no n eed.

Was wondering what others do. There's plenty of other threads of you think this is pointless Confused

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 05/03/2020 20:11

Of course YANBU.

I’ve got a reasonably unpopular opinion that weddings aren’t actually about the couple alone, they’re celebrations you should want your guest to actually enjoy.

Your guests shouldn’t go to a load of expense and inconvenience and their experience of the day matters.

JasonBrun · 05/03/2020 20:13

YABU for having hypothetical arguments. Don't borrow trouble. Maybe she'll be single forever...

forrestgreen · 05/03/2020 20:17

Ask her to organise Skype or to pay for you and your family...

Camouflage · 05/03/2020 20:26

I got married abroad, very small wedding with immediate family and close friends. All of my nearest and dearest attended but some of DHs family couldn't. We were naturally disappointed as would have loved for them to be there to celebrate with us but we totally understood as it's a big ask and not everyone can (or wants to) spend that amount of money.

thistimeisshort · 05/03/2020 20:43

YANBU. We got married abroad, only a handful of people made it and only 2 of our siblings out of 5. We certainly didn't expect people to pay to attend unless they wanted to and had a party when we came back to include those who couldn't make it.

RandomAmanda · 05/03/2020 22:04

DH and I would have loved to get married on a hot, sandy beach. When we looked into it we couldn't afford to fly 15 adults and 8 children to an exotic destination so we shelved that idea. Got married in a local registry office and had a pub lunch after.

I would love to think that maybe someday we'll have like a vow renewal on a nice beach, on an anniversary maybe, either just us or us and kids... All very hypothetical right now.

A friend of mine actually did get married on a hot, sandy beach but the two of them eloped so no guests

PinkiOcelot · 05/03/2020 22:21

@Fantasiaa how rude are you?!

Not unreasonable at all OP.

KellyHall · 05/03/2020 22:25

I got married on a hot, sandy beach. We didn't expect anyone to come but told everyone they would be welcome IF they could come. Then we had a huge reception back home afterwards.

People can't make those sorts of financial decisions for you. If she's that disappointed, she can start saving to pay for you!

BackforGood · 05/03/2020 22:33

It's nice you've had this chat while it is all hypothetical.
That means that, should she meet someone, and should the fiance also want that type of a wedding, and should they be able to afford to do that at the time, she will already know, before putting anyone 'on the spot' that, if that is the decision they make, then they will be getting married without key family members at the ceremony. They can therefore add that in as a consideration at the time and make the right decision for them. Smile

WaitrosesCheapestVodka · 05/03/2020 22:34

A wedding abroad could be the med, in which case it's probably reasonable to expect your sister to attend with years notice. Jamaica though is a potentially never-in-a-lifetime holiday. It's madness to expect attendance.

Original poster
PumpkinP · 05/03/2020 22:41

Yeh she is seeing someone and apparently they both want to get married abroad so it could be something that happens. She said she wants Jamaica, when I said that I couldn’t afford it she said “so you never plan on taking them to the Caribbean” like it was the done thing Confused they haven’t even been abroad before!

OP posts:
SallySun123 · 05/03/2020 22:52

so you never plan on taking them to the carribbean

What planet is she on? £5k to attend a wedding is bloody bonkers. There’s no way I’d expect friends or family to spend that kind of money on my behalf.

Hopeisnotastrategy · 05/03/2020 22:55

This is not your fault. YANBU.

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