To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

[Ruby8719]

Am I being unreasonable to think that some (not all) mumsnetters hate men and can’t wait to jump in and tell women to leave their husbands?

Obviously there are a lot of stories on here about husbands/boyfriends/dads that sound like arseholes but the amount of comments I see from strangers telling women to leave their men for making a mistake is crazy!!

I don't hate men. I know some lovely ones. But this is one little corner of the internet that is very woman centric. We don;t have to put up with man shit here. They have ALL the other places to put themselves first. And the responses WILL generally favour the female POV. If men need a nice safe place for relationship advice, they can find somewhere else, or start their own forum imho. I have seen threads where my thought is just fucking have a conversation. But many, many threads where women aren't even aware that they are being abused. I can put up with a few aggrieved blokes if those women get the help they need.

I am really struggling not to hate men. I am eternally hoping to be proven wrong (that they are bastards)

I worry for my boys tbh. I don't know how to show them how to be good men. I'm struggling to find them any role models at the moment. I hope that changes

But this is one little corner of the internet that is very woman centric. We don;t have to put up with man shit here. They have ALL the other places to put themselves first.

But this isn't a site for women. And what exactly is "man shit"?

or start their own forum imho

So did you start this forum then?

I'm sick of women being told off or called bitter for hating men.

Men get away with hating women (abusing them, raping them, killing them) every.single.fucking.day

Women have a lot to be bitter about. Women's hatred is, in my observation, always legitimate and born from experience

But it seems as if a woman isn't even allowed to make a mild complaint about an obvious douchebag without caveating it with #notallmen

I sat next to a couple of older lesbians at a wedding once and was shocked at how utterly scathing they were about men. So much so I was actually insulted on behalf of my husband! I think they had both been married to men before coming out.

Some men are nasty and abusive as are some women...if you’d asked me if I believed anyone genuinely hates men before i would have said no...I thought even if you have been through a terrible experience you could still appreciate that not all men are bad....but I do think it’s possible now that some people do genuinely hate men!

I find it refreshing. In the real world everyone seems to have such low expectations of men. Especially as fathers. It appears that the definition of “a really good dad” is “hasn’t fed the children to a tiger”. There is no definition of a “really good mum” as all types of mothers are criticised.

My husband is (genuinely) a pretty good dad but if I have to hear my parents comment on how “he’s so hands on” because he is able to look after his own children on his own one more time I may scream. Dh has an IQ of 167. Of course he can change a frigging nappy!

I'm sick of women being told off or called bitter for hating men.

it's accurate if they actually hate an entire gender.

Even on this forum we had a man mansplain that choking a woman during sex is a-ok, and he has in fact done it too... on a thread about a woman who died from choking during sex. He then tried to explain to us that he's actually a lovely bloke.

So yeah. I do hate men, as a class. There's also this tiny thing called Statistics.

I'll start liking men again when they stop killing, oppressing and harming women in their millions, worldwide.

I've never implied a) all men do these things or b) men never do any good in the world. Although it's interesting that historically men have been allowed to do the jobs you talk about way earlier than women. That's yet another thread though.

And you dismiss Pornhub like it's reading a smutty magazine. Have you looked at what's on there? Some serious woman hating, that's what.

I won't agree with your view on this matter because you seem to lack any empathy or compassion for why some women will never trust men. Calling it prejudice is laughable.

I'll start liking men again when they stop killing, oppressing and harming women in their millions, worldwide.

yes, because that's what men do. ALL MEN. Every single one of them.

My point exactly.

'This tiny thing called statistics' demonstrates that not all men are guilty. Therefore, not all men should be judged.

My husband is (genuinely) a pretty good dad but if I have to hear my parents comment on how “he’s so hands on” because he is able to look after his own children on his own one more time I may scream. Dh has an IQ of 167. Of course he can change a frigging nappy!

Different generations, different expectations. My son’s dad (who’s 70 now) never changed a nappy once.

I have interpreted this as you comparing a rape victim who due to PTSD may have a problem with men, with a racist. Who by definition is just a twatty person. The rape victim is not being prejudiced in the same way.

Well fuck me, that's quite some interpretation there.

I'll repeat my original post (which I stand by).

So a PP said....... YANBU to think that some women hate men, in fact those women are very reasonable, they have likely had poor experiences of men.

And I replied....

Would you say racists are very reasonable and they've likely had poor experiences if they declare they hate travellers for example?

There's no excuse for prejudice imo, whether it's based on poor experiences or not.

Nobody at that point had mentioned rape and nobody had mentioned PTSD. Therefore your 'specific interpretation' was rather a strange one.

And again, my post wasn't about women who 'have a problem with men' (as I've stated at least twice previously). It wasn't about women who are 'wary of men' (as I've also stated previously). It was about women who hate all men due to personal experiences, which is what was being discussed.

I could deliberately 'interpret' your statement that a racist is just a twatty person as you saying that's all the killers of Stephen Lawrence were - just twatty people but that wouldn't help the discussion here would it?

Even on this forum we had a man mansplain that choking a woman during sex is a-ok, and he has in fact done it too... on a thread about a woman who died from choking during sex. He then tried to explain to us that he's actually a lovely bloke.

He’ll probably be along soon, actually- he can’t resist an opportunity to point out what a nice man he is, and how everyone hates men for no reason.

Hear hooves, by manshit, i mean male entitlement. Men should be put first and not criticised. Many other posters have already mentioned how women are treated and referred to on other websites. How women are treated and referred to in RL. Someone here says leave the bastard, usually with much justification, and we are automatically a bunch of man hating harpies. Fuck off back to Pistonheads or Pornhub if that is your view.

@Pumper - he's vile NOT envy.

chill our Worra i said if I'd read you wrong fair play.

Earlier in the thread posters had mentioned bad experiences with men. Maybe I read too much into that and came to rape as an example but I doubt they were talking about hubby not taking the bins out.

A bad experience will lead us to distrust some men. Depending on the severity there will be ongoing trauma. Again, this could make us uncomfortable around some men.

I'm clearly bring thick as I can't see why you've brought racists into the discussion if not as a comparison?

And I think you know I didn't mean the worst a racist person can be accused of is being twatty. Your post which I discussed is less clear.

And for the record I think the number of MNers who genuinely hate all men is quite small. But there will be some

A bad experience will lead us to distrust some men. Depending on the severity there will be ongoing trauma. Again, this could make us uncomfortable around some men.

Absolutely yes. Bad experiences do make us 'distrust' and they make us 'uncomfortable'.

But again, my post was regarding those who were declaring they actually hate approximately half of the population and those who were making excuses for the haters.

I sometimes say LTB, but not because I’ve had bad experiences with men (I mean I’ve had a few mild ones, but only briefly).

It’s more because I’ve been lucky enough to have my two main relationships with genuinely lovely men who would never in a million years pull some of the disturbing shit you read about on here.

There are wonderful men out there but it’s the shitty ones who seem to crop up a lot in MN threads. Reading the appalling and/or controlling, abusive behaviour some women are prepared to accept from male partners really shocks me. I often think a lot of people have a really warped idea of what it’s reasonable to put up with from men. I’m sometimes imagining what damage is being done to the children in a situation, too, when I’m LTB-ing.

Bit of a goady first day here on Mumsnet for you isn't it? Do you feel better now you have got all that off your chest?

GF

oh I want to clarify that last post - I am not happy with my own wording re women being “prepared to put up with” poor behaviour. It reads as a bit victim-blamy and that is not what I meant.

Should have said something like they feel they ought to put up with it, or they’re being made to feel that they should, or telling themselves that. I’m kind of thinking of posters who haven’t really accepted the extent of the wrongness of a partner’s behaviour (because that is often when a lot of us start suggesting they should LTB)

YABU especially with your comment about men not being allowed to have illnesses. Every single thread with an OP with an useless DH will have posts saying maybe he is depressed/has ASD/MH issues. Some posters bend over backwards to make excuses for men. They literally invent alternate scenarios that have nothing to do with the OP just so they can defend any man mentioned. Then there are the threads where posters argue the facts about DV and EA and male violence because they're worried it will hurt men's feelings.
MN is one of the few places on the internet and in life that permits women to have boundaries and gives women permission to leave bad relationships. That perspective is priceless and is a drop in the ocean compared to the many places telling women to settle, be quiet and be kind.

MN without the Man Hating would be pointless.

There again, if you replaced the gender of male with, I dunno, Jews this website would be shut down and prosecuted. Because it's men it's acceptable.

I think some Mumsnetters "hate" abusive men. Good on them. I agree.

I also hate abusive women, and there are some believe it or not.