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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

508 replies

Ruby8719 · 05/03/2020 14:53

Am I being unreasonable to think that some (not all) mumsnetters hate men and can’t wait to jump in and tell women to leave their husbands?

Obviously there are a lot of stories on here about husbands/boyfriends/dads that sound like arseholes but the amount of comments I see from strangers telling women to leave their men for making a mistake is crazy!!

OP posts:

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 05/03/2020 19:17

Worra I was replying to your post at 17.18 -

YANBU to think that some women hate men, in fact those women are very reasonable, they have likely had poor experiences of men.

Would you say racists are very reasonable and they've likely had poor experiences if they declare they hate travellers for example?

There's no excuse for prejudice imo, whether it's based on poor experiences or not.

........,

I have interpreted this as you comparing a rape victim who due to PTSD may have a problem with men, with a racist. Who by definition is just a twatty person. The rape victim is not being prejudiced in the same way.

If I've got the wrong end of the stick then fair enough but it's hard not to have?

Until society deals with these men - and thus is another thread entirely - this prejudice she may have is self preservation.

Sagradafamiliar · 05/03/2020 19:17

If I could've taken a 'wild' guess at how this thread would turn out, and thanks to which poster, I'd have been right. So very, very predictable.

BusyProcrastinator · 05/03/2020 19:21

Are you aware that there are a LOT of men who hate women? Go to Pornhub and check out the most popular videos. How many are about 'destroying' sluts or similar? That's what a lot of men are fapping to. And then maybe think about the women on here encountering those wankers, experiencing abuse (physical, mental, sexual) and misogyny?

That's why a lot of us hate men.

Or, as Germaine Greer would say, the problem is that we love men, too much to ignore them, and we want them to sort their shit out.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 19:23

You've applied a very specific, very particular set of circumstances onto a very general comment though.

Why assume that everyone who posts a "I hate men" comment has been raped? Why assume every racist is just a twatty person? Maybe the racist has had a family member murdered by a person of a specific race - would that make their racism justified in your book? Fwiw, it wouldn't in my book.

Some of the posters posting twatty comments about men might have had nothing worse happen to them than Steve, the accountant at work calling them "love" one day.

Pumperthepumper · 05/03/2020 19:28

Some of the people posting ‘why is everyone so awful to the poor men?’ might be rape apologists.

Gre8scott · 05/03/2020 19:32

Most men are selfish twats. Its never the women that has the good job or promotion or earns the most or hasn't gone part time it's always the women sacrificing stuff for the family

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 19:36

Most men are selfish twats. Its never the women that has the good job or promotion or earns the most or hasn't gone part time it's always the women sacrificing stuff for the family

Are you having a laugh? There are a lot of people on MN who earn more than their husbands or where the husband is the SAHP. How can you say it's never the women and expect to be taken seriously?

Same as most men are selfish twats - there's what, thirty million males in the UK, roughly - you know most of them do you to know that they're selfish twats?

DeepThinkingGirl · 05/03/2020 19:48

Yes I think this site has helped me see more red flags than I would’ve liked to see.

In many ways it helped

But in some ways it made me change to someone who can’t tolerate men

I’m working on it!

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 05/03/2020 19:55

Hear first I want to clarify I was addressing racists as twatty, not posters here.

Yes I'm applying a very specific circumstance to the comment. Whilst you think it's specific I'd say it's horribly common and if I could be bothered I'd find some rape stays to back it up. But I really shouldn't need to.

I'm not making any assumptions about posters backgrounds based on their posting however from reading too many bad experiences on MM I'd perhaps guess many have been harmed.

For clarity I've attached the definition of racism. So as far as I'm concerned if you're racist you are an absolute dick.

2 women a week die at the hands of men in the UK every day. Comparing our fear of what the opposite sex can do to us if they're so inclined to a hatred of all people of X race because of the awful actions of an individual of that race is not the same and in my book, offensive.

To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 20:04

So as far as I'm concerned if you're racist you are an absolute dick.

And I completely agree but I bet mist racists would think they had a justifiable reason for feeling that way.

That's the problem with you trying to justify women hating men - the crime statistics are awful but in reality it's only a small percentage of men that do these things. If I look at crime statistics for my area (a London borough) it's mainly one particular group responsible for most of the crimes but that by no means that everyone belonging to that group is a criminal does it, it's still a tiny minority and it would be wrong to judge everyone based on that tiny minority.

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz · 05/03/2020 20:13

I'm justifying women who have been harmed by men perhaps hating men. In most cases the way this manifests itself often won't even impact on men, it's an internal thing. Victims will rarely take retribution on the opposite sex for what's happened to them. Often they won't ever talk about it.

When men hate women it manifests itself in a more obvious way. Pornhub, UK Punting. Accidentally killing a woman during sex. Cat calling school girls in uniform. Up skirting.

I've a feeling you and I will not reach agreement on this topic.

FrogsFrogs · 05/03/2020 20:22

'. If I look at crime statistics for my area (a London borough) it's mainly one particular group responsible for most of the crimes '

That would be men.

FrogsFrogs · 05/03/2020 20:26

This diversion into changing the law to tackle female on male sex offences, what's the point?

If you want to change the law take it up with your MP.

As it stands, sex offenders are overwhelmingly male and overwhelmingly likely to get away with it. Whether their victims are male or female. This conversation about the naming of different sex offences, serves no positive purpose in the context of this thread.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 20:26

I've a feeling you and I will not reach agreement on this topic.

No we won't. These threads always go the same way - lists of the bad things that men do as though a)all men do them and b)men never do any good in the world.

Funny how all that's ever listed is pornhub etc etc etc. You never see "men- look at what they've done - worked for charities, risked their lives to defend the innocent, developed vaccines and medical treatments that have saved thousands of lives, list their lives helping strangers, ...."

Strange that isn't it?

We could all come up with reasons to justify our prejudices if pressed, but we wouldn't be right.

FrogsFrogs · 05/03/2020 20:28

'These threads always go the same way - lists of the bad things that men do as though a)all men do them and b)men never do any good in the world.'

Examples please of posters on the thread stating a. And also examples of b.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 20:30

This diversion into changing the law to tackle female on male sex offences, what's the point?

Merely a response to the "men commit 100% of raped" comment. They do because only men can commit rape. It's not a meaningful statistic.

FrogsFrogs · 05/03/2020 20:30

We need to ignore poor / awful / illegal behaviour from individual men posted about on MN because Jenner discovered vaccines in 1796

You're too funny.

MarieQueenofScots · 05/03/2020 20:31

To be honest it’s far fuller of MRA’s than man-haters

MarieQueenofScots · 05/03/2020 20:31

Erroneous apostrophe

Sagradafamiliar · 05/03/2020 20:32

tellme has said what I was thinking.
Even if women hate men, telling other women to LTB on Mumsnet is probably the worst thing that's going to happen to them. They're not going to express that hatred in the way men do in every day life via sexist, misogynist comments and being sexually aggressive, even if it's 'only' cat calling women as they walk past minding their own business.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 05/03/2020 20:36

We need to ignore poor / awful / illegal behaviour from individual men posted about on MN because Jenner discovered vaccines in 1796 grin

So because some men commit crimes it means that some bloke who posts on here because he's being abused by his wife or is trying to get advice because he thinks his wife is having an affair needs to be hauled over the coals and drummed off the site as penance for the fact that some posters husbands are arseholes?

Women have done shitty things too so does that mean that women coming year looking for help should get abuse, because some of us have had abusive mothers?

Grumpos · 05/03/2020 20:45

What’s your point?
Generally I dislike men, as a whole. Obviously there are some great ones but mostly they are fuckwits.
I wouldn’t persecute them for having a penis but mostly I don’t want them to look at me, talk to me or exist in my air space.
Fucking loved men in my 20s&30s - so glad I’ve grown up

OlaEliza · 05/03/2020 20:47

I don’t think mumsnetters hate men

Some do. Just look at the responses to threads started by men.

Eckhart · 05/03/2020 20:49

YANBU There is some misandry here. It's not a cross section of society, though. Many have been hurt by men, and feel that this is justification to judge all men.

TiddlestheCat · 05/03/2020 20:51

Are you a man OP? If so, perhaps it's time to go back to your tool shed. I'm kidding, of course!

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