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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that some Mumsnetters hate men?

508 replies

Ruby8719 · 05/03/2020 14:53

Am I being unreasonable to think that some (not all) mumsnetters hate men and can’t wait to jump in and tell women to leave their husbands?

Obviously there are a lot of stories on here about husbands/boyfriends/dads that sound like arseholes but the amount of comments I see from strangers telling women to leave their men for making a mistake is crazy!!

OP posts:
TheMagiciansMewTwo · 05/03/2020 22:12

Who knew men are such sensitive creatures they can't cope with one place on the internet where they aren't worshipped ....

The funny thing is decent men have no problem acknowledging male violence or calling out shitty male behaviour. The only ones who have an issue with men being held accountable and treated like grown-ups are the ones who don't think women deserve respect or to be safe or to have boundaries.

It's hilarious that they're so fragile they have to sneak on to forums in disguise to try to undemine women supporting each other. It won't work.

SoupDragon · 05/03/2020 22:13

Some posters bend over backwards to make excuses for men. They literally invent alternate scenarios that have nothing to do with the OP

Equally, some posters bend over backwards to find fault with men and invent scenarios. I've seen a few recently where the DH/Male partner does something ordinary that results in a flurry of "is he usually controlling...?" when it wouldn't have been said if it was a woman. There are so many things that would absolutely not be said if the sexes were reversed.

Foghead · 05/03/2020 22:14

All the women I know have suffered some form of abuse or harassment from men. We all have relationships with men. Some of us have wonderful fathers, brothers and sons so we know there are good men around.
That’s why we don’t want to put up with shitty abusive men and hope other women don’t have to put up with them either.
We only have one life after all.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 05/03/2020 22:14

Who knew men are such sensitive creatures they can't cope with one place on the internet where they aren't worshipped ....

such a pity there is no middle ground between worshipping or hating all men. Oh, wait...Grin

TheMagiciansMewTwo · 05/03/2020 22:18

But there is a middle ground and it's here. Expecting men to act like grown-ups, pull their weight and not be abusive doesn't mean MN hates men. It means the opposite.

JustInCaseCakeHappens · 05/03/2020 22:22

Expecting men to act like grown-ups, pull their weight and not be abusive doesn't mean MN hates men.

MN is not a unique entity.
Some posters have a normal and reasonable view, a few don't and do hate anything that is male. Some Mntters have issues 🤷

Shortfeet · 05/03/2020 22:34

You are absolutely right. Never fails to shock me how much hatred towards men from some posters here.

Sadiesnakes · 05/03/2020 22:46

There is no such thing as double standards when it comes to men and women, it's an idealized view that can never be possible.

Men and women are not equal or the same. It's as simple as that.

BuzzShitbagBobbly · 05/03/2020 23:01

I also hate abusive women, and there are some believe it or not.

Saying you don't like abusers is not exactly a bold statement.

But unless we have all missed some groundbreaking reports where women are abusing and assaulting men in such bucketloads that (on average) two of them are murdered every week, year in, year out, it is surly reasonable to weight the balance towards the sex that is doing that, rather than NAMALTing and "but women too-ing"

DeeCeeCherry · 06/03/2020 01:10

I also hate abusive women, and there are some believe it or not

Nothing to do with this post. So why not make a post about that instead of indulging in irrelevant Whataboutery...?

CheshireChat · 06/03/2020 01:31

But someone will usually call out the more outlandish or downright hateful posts?

I hardly ever see it the other way around so utterly appalling comments just go unchallenged.

And if they do make any pro women comments, then they're betas, cucks and so on and the vitriol absolutely explodes if they teach their sons to behave like decent human beings.

The4thSandersonSister · 06/03/2020 01:53

Of course some MN hate men. Some hate Women, LBGT, POC, UC,MC, LC, Cats, Dogs, Children, Teachers, Londoners, Travellers, The Irish, The NI ,The Scots, The Welsh, The English, Foreigners, Toilet Brush Owners, The OW, MIL's, Step-Mother's/Fathers/Children, People with Special Needs of ANY type, CF's, Social Media Mavens, PTA, School GateKeepers and that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Plenty of venom to go around MumsNet just like real life. Plenty of positive too.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 02:22

Who knew men are such sensitive creatures they can't cope with one place on the internet where they aren't worshipped ....

Why the need to make such a snide comment though?

Plenty of women post on here, upset about a situation at home - maybe concerned that their partner is cheating on them or has gone off sex. Do you tell them that they're too sensitive? That they should just get over themselves? So why can't men be just as upset or unhappy about a similar situation?

It's this need to poke fun at men who express their feelings that leads to boys and men being forced to put on the macho act and then you all start complaining about that.

Pumperthepumper · 06/03/2020 06:38

The thing is though, nobody really thinks that all these great men, all the lovely husbands and dads and brothers and sons, are doing anywhere near enough for ‘equality*’. It’s absolutely seen as women’s problem to solve, while at the same time women should be grateful for not being raped or abused or even patronised by The Good Men.

*equality here meaning ‘fairness’ not absolutely everyone treated exactly the same in every circumstance, before I have to listen to ‘well if you want equality, when’s international MEN’S day?’ (19th November)

AParallelUniverse · 06/03/2020 06:44

If you have to exaggerate to make your point, it probably isn’t a very good point to begin with.

Yep. Sounds reasonable. A good rule for life.

MarieQueenofScots · 06/03/2020 06:46

Anyone who thinks men as a class aren’t problematic is a fool.

Anyone who thinks people discussing men as a class means every man, are just not very bright.

Dontdisturbmenow · 06/03/2020 06:53

Men on MN are only good for providing financially (ideally a lot), help with the children (when and how the woman decides) and housework,

They are not allowed to moan that their job is tiring because nothing is as tiring as looking after a house and children. They are not allowed to ever feel anger, this is a feeling only women are entitled to expressed, in which case men should respond immediately to do whatever it takes for the woman to stop being angry. If the man happens to be angry, he is in the wrong whatever the reason. He is not allowed to express it in any way. If he does, it's emotional abuse. He is also not allowed to just go quiet, if he does, it's immaturity, and really emotional abuse to!

Really, men should be servants to women, life would be much easier and happier. After all, women deserve to be treated like Queens because they are the ones who have to suffer during pregnancy and birth and sacrifice their career to raise the children that the men wanted!

SonEtLumiere · 06/03/2020 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hearhoovesthinkzebras · 06/03/2020 07:00

Is expressing a view that is female centered so outrageous?

What is female centred though? What does that look like?

vampirethriller · 06/03/2020 07:01

Of course some do. Some don't. That's what life is like.

KeepYourWigOn · 06/03/2020 07:06

I think the bigger problem on here is women who hate women. The sneering, goading and character assassination on some threads is something else.

Seaside01 · 06/03/2020 07:08

My experience isn't particularly extreme, and I don't hate all men (I have 2 sons, so definitely love them) but I can understand why some women do feel that way, and sometimes it's felt like hope over experience.

My dad was a lazy bastard who expected my mum, who also worked full time to do everything, never saw him raise a finger at home. Told my brothers they didn't have to do any chores, it was woman's work - I certainly had more than my fair share though.

Boyfriend number 1 - turned out he was married.
Boyfriend number 2 - cheated on me and gave me an std.
Boyfriend number 3 - Punched me in the face on a night out.
Gave up after that for a while!
Been sexually assaulted on a train, in a night club and raped while there were another 2 men in the house who heard it all and who did nothing to help me.

Had a job i my 20's that was full of contractors who worked there Monday to Friday, and went home for weekends. I knew of at least 70% that cheated during that time, and I'd say pretty much 100% tried to.

One of my closest friend's experience is way more extreme, and I definitely wouldn't blame her if she stayed away from men altogether. Her bio dad left when she was a baby and she's never seen him, and he's never contributed to her life. Her SD abused her and that's continued with every relationship she's ever had, including being hospitalised by 1. She's so vulnerable and ground down, abusers seem to sense it and I just can't see her ever having a healthy relationship. I don't think she's ever had a positive male relationship.

SonEtLumiere · 06/03/2020 07:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cheeserton · 06/03/2020 07:19

There are so many things that would absolutely not be said if the sexes were reversed.

This.

For me it's just a question of not being a massive hypocrite. It's completely possible to call attention to the appalling scale of DV and male violence without detracting from the seriousness of that by saying awful things about the entire sex. The polarisation of the debate to suggest that somehow if you don't condemn all men that somehow you're letting perpetrators of violence of the hook or 'worshipping fragile men' is a total distraction. It actively invites the boring NAMALT debate and consequent derailing, only for the whining to start about that when it inevitably happens. It almost invariably comes about after the use of such language. When it comes to my son, I want him to grow up acutely aware of the problems and as roundly educated on them as possible, but certainly not believing he's inherently bad in some way just for being a boy.

Aquarius1619 · 06/03/2020 07:19

I voted YANBU
Because I agree. I think if you spend long enough searching the relationship threads on here it’s bound to give a lot of people a negative view of men. Although it’s not representative of how most relationships are, people aren’t going to post how happy they are etc. But I’ve found since being on here that my attitude toward men has turned much more negative (combined with some of my own shitty experiences). I also know it’s wrong for me to feel that way.
I’m trying to work on not generalising because it’s not a fair thing to do. Interesting post OP