Gave friend advice on her son...and she told me to mind my business,aibu?

[simplefays]

My friends little boy is 6 and yesterday was off school with a sickness bug.
He was vomiting all day till 4ish (so my friend said)
Then diarrhoea till 7 ish (might have happened after )
She rang me last night saying she couldn't wait for work today as he whinged all day.
I said "who's looking after him whilst your at work"
She said he is going to school tomorrow so without thinking I said I didn't think it was a good idea as he could pass it on.
She got angry and told me to mind my business so I snapped back she was being a bit selfish.
Aibu here?
I didn't mean to sound patronising to her.

Shes right it's none of your business

It is her business - this child could infect others - this may "just" be a minor bug but would you be the same about measles or coronavirus? Perhaps she should bring the child round to you for a visit?

The OP should phone the school and tell them there is a potential health risk.

Poor little boy. She’s selfish and parents like her are the reason half the class end up with it

YANBU OP, it's disgusting behaviour and affects so many people and children. She KNOWS she's in the wrong, that's why she got on the defensive straight away. If it was my DC school they wouldn't allow them back for another day.

I KNOW it's difficult to get time off work, to nurse your kid all day etc... but this is what you sign up for when you have children, surely their health comes first?!

YANBU at all

Pfft. I'd call the school and say you're concerned that a child who is so ill has gone back into school. She's a joke! She's only annoyed because she knows she shouldn't be sending him back in.

Seriously. Ring the school.

Lol at none of her business. Why is she calling her and telling her then.

"None of my business? YOU called ME!"

dial tone

I agree that she just snapped because you'd picked her up on her totally shitty behaviour, and she might have been having a guilty niggle about it.

Wasn't really advice, though, was it - more of a sane reaction to her shitty plan.

Poor little boy - horrible day for him and all his mother can do is complain about his whinging and send him straight back to school the next day because SHE needs a break?!
Fucking hell

YANBU, you did the right thing. Your friend is selfish.

When people give advice they are sometimes just saying what any normal person would know.

I think this is what you get in a system where parents may not be able to afford to take time off unpaid of the child is ok-ish. Not saying what she was planning on doing was right but we don't know the wider circumstances.

my German friends get 10 days for each parent (or 20 days for lone parents) where they can take a paid child-sick-leave (cannot think of a better words for it). I think just like many people cannot afford time off sick and go into work ill, some extend it rightly or wrongly to their DC.

It's people like that that put us all at risk. She's a twat. As if the rest of us don't get shafted by having to take the time off work. I suppose she'd be happy to keep going into work with coronavirus "because I feel fine".

I work for the NHS. If we are absent with sickness and diarrhoea we are not allowed to go back into work until a full 24 hours after the last incidence of either symptom. I would imagine schools hold the same policy. Therefore YANBU and your friend is selfish AF!!

YANBU

This really annoys me, luckily DD’s school wouldn’t except a child back in school until 48 hours after, surely the school have been told why he was away yesterday so won’t let him back today?

I actually complained to a head teacher a few years ago when I saw a mother bring her child in the day after she was sick (I know she was sick as it happened at school so teachers knew too), I threatened to take my child home as she had a compromised immune system at the time. The head teacher called the girls mother to collect her (she had dumped her in the playground and ran).

It’s not hard to stick to the 48 hour rule, it’s there for a reason, it’s not a load of rubbish, some people are still contagious after 48 hours so sending a child back 12 hours since they were last sick is just selfish. I bet the poor thing still feels pretty rough too.

You should have commented but you should have told her the facts rather than just saying your didn’t think it was fair - children need to be clear for 48 hours before returning to school or nursery. That is the policy. She is being extremely selfish and unreasonable to send a contagious child to school. This is exactly how bigs spread.

Wow, cant believe anyone would think you were wrong. Stupid, selfish woman, putting others at risk of the bug.

Well done you for saying something.

but we don't know the wider circumstances.

How about the "wider circumstances" of all the people she is potentially screwing over by making their children ill? She was complaining about his whinging!

YANBU

Yanbu, she’s selfish

YANBU, well done, and I would also phone the school. So selfish, just because she wants to go back to work she's happy for the kid to spread it around meaning loads more parents end up having to take time of work. And she obviously couldn't care less about kids/families who could be seriously ill with this. Its pretty clear why the efforts to contain coronavirus are not going to work when so many people think only of themselves.

It is pretty shit!

I had another parent openly tell me they were going to send their child to school the day after several vomiting bouts. I would have always been annoyed, but this was during my child being on Chemotherapy, so being very immunocompromised. This parent knew this very well too. I didn't know what to say ( was gobsmacked!) so asked that if he decided to send her would he let me know so I can decide whether to send DS in or not. I was a crass bitch for that apparently.

He didn't send her in, but treated her to a trip in to town to make it up to her! Honestly I really do wonder what goes on in some people's heads

It's not advice though OP it's a telling off, which in these circumstances I think you were entitled to do tbh!
If she told the school when her DC was off, that he had S&D and it gets passed around, then they'll know where it came from won't they - unless she lied to them? My son's school won't allow kids back in until after 48hrs so I'm suprised at this.

Honestly I would have said it, and my friends would expect it to be said too so I would be like well don’t tell me that if you don’t want a reaction to it!

Yanbu
I would have rung the school so they could send the child home too.

No, you are definitely NOT being unreasonable. She rang you - what did she expect you to do, just go along with what she’d already decided? She’s not a friend, IMO. Friends actually listen. I must say, I’m really surprised how many people are saying you should MYOB - that’s why relationships these days are so disfunctional - nobody is prepared to discuss anything, without taking offence.

You are entitled to mention possible enterovirus contagion because you or other people could catch it. Also the kid needs a day or more off to recover from it.

Ill people should stay at home and rest

It is your business if she puts your children at risk.

It’s totally unreasonable, and irresponsible, to send a child with those symptoms into school — who knows which other children have compromised immune systems.

I feel sorry for the little boy who hasn’t recovered properly.