Gave friend advice on her son...and she told me to mind my business,aibu?

[simplefays]

My friends little boy is 6 and yesterday was off school with a sickness bug.
He was vomiting all day till 4ish (so my friend said)
Then diarrhoea till 7 ish (might have happened after )
She rang me last night saying she couldn't wait for work today as he whinged all day.
I said "who's looking after him whilst your at work"
She said he is going to school tomorrow so without thinking I said I didn't think it was a good idea as he could pass it on.
She got angry and told me to mind my business so I snapped back she was being a bit selfish.
Aibu here?
I didn't mean to sound patronising to her.

I agree with you. My friend did the same thing before Christmas and I stated the 48 hour rule. She sent him in and blamed it on food. 24 hours later she was puking too. Why do people do it. Their child must be achy and weak and need to rebuild their strength. It takes me two days after a stomach bug to even feel human enough to eat and drink abit more.

Also that child is probably shattered and needs a day at home to catch up on sleep etc.

Your friend (and anyone else who thinks it's OK to send a child to school like that "because taking a day off work can be difficult") is a selfish idiot.

Well giving unsolicited advice rarely goes well tbh.

With little ones like the young boy in question here they must feel so weak after a day or sickness and diarrhoea, as even as an adult you feel a bit yuck and weak after. So children do need that time at home imo but this mother just wanted to get back to work as she couldn’t be bothered looking after a whinging child ( he was only whinging as poorly)

Poor kid. Although you should know from AIBU that advice, requested or not, is rarely received well. Especially about being a mother, ouch.

Whilst having chemotherapy my just 3 year old spent over a week in isolation in hospital in a very poorly state having caught chicken pox presumably carried into my house by an older sibling who didn't develop the disease but also presumably caught it from a school friend. I had withdrawn my 3 year old from nursery and we didn't go to any parent and child classes as I wanted to minimise his risk of catching anything. My situation couldn't have been helped as most likely the carriers parents didn't even know they were infectious and I was doing all I could to minimise his exposure to other children. But nevertheless my little boy who already had the odds stacked against him and was having a pretty shit third year of his life, could have died. Your friends situation is different and she is a selfish bitch.

My daughter's primary school only had a 24 hours exclusion policy and parents couldn't even stick to that. I really hate parents who are selfish like this.
YANBU at all and your friend knows it. She just didn't want to hear the truth.
Of course it's rubbish having to take time off but is your job really more important than your child. Not to mention the fact your friend doesn't care about all the other children who will now get sick or how the poor teacher is meant to care for a sick child (not their job) while teaching the rest of the class.

And also, where is her care for her poor little boy. I wouldn't want to go to work after a day of d&v. Given that she hadn't even asked eg you whether you would be able to look after him whilst she went to work she is a selfish bitch on that count too.

And there was me vainly hoping that the coronavirus scare would have meant a drop in flu and norovirus bugs. Nope it would seem. We are a nation with a percentage of dont care wont care folk.

You've done nothing wrong at all.

Her reaction is probably due to her knowing she shouldn't be doing it!

@purpleboy

If more people had the courage to pull people up on their shitty behaviour, there would be a lot less of it, so well done for saying it.

^^This with bells on

The OP was absolutely right to say something. Maybe the friend might think a little bit harder in future.
And I hope the child drops her in it at school.

You didn't actually give her advice on her son.
You gave her advice on the health of everyone else's children which is completely your business.

Nicely put 👍 YANBU OP. Your friend snapped at you because she knows she’s in the wrong. If you hadn’t said anything that would have just justified her behaviour to herself and eased her guilt.

This isn't unsolicited advice. This is reminding someone that children shouldn't return straight to school after D&V.

You need the right thing, OP.

She is in the wrong yanbu
Agree with pp the child probably still feels groggy and should rest anyway

YANBU, for exactly the well-argued reasons people have already explained. You SHOULD mind your own business, but this WAS your business.

I wouldn't have offered 'advice' but would have been shocked and had no qualms about expressing that.

Schools have 24 or 48 hour rules for a reason.

I'd really hate one of these friendships where you aren't allowed to express an opinion, call your friend out for bad behaviour, tell your friend her partners cheating in her etc. The MN mantra of not your monkey, keep out of it is so odd in regards to any friendship of value idlve ever had.

OP Yanbu, she knows she is hence the defensiveness. And no it isn't easy for parents to have time off from work, so why send an ill kid in to pass it on to the rest of the class?

Another one saying YANBU.
Why people can’t observe the 48 hr rule I’ll never know. My friend is like this. Doesn’t want to miss work so will send her DD into nursery despite runny nappies. This is despite the fact her DH works for his parents and could easily take time off.
No wonder her kid keeps getting D&V when she never gets a proper rest at home or chance to recover.

48 hours

I work for the NHS in the community. We won't see anyone until they have been clear for 48 hours.

You did a right thing. Your friend is very foolish.

I get so angry at people like your friend, it’s pretty much 48 hours (or the very least in some schools 24hours) from the last time they are sick etc until they can go back, this has been a thing now for quite some years. My daughter was off with it recently, ended up being off all week as she didn’t stop until pm weds. When I phoned to say why she was off they reminded me of the school policy, which I already knew of and I’m happy to abide by.

Your friend was pissed off she was being called out for it, I’d totally do the same. You weren’t in the wrong, she’s being selfish, she just doesn’t want to have to take the day off work and waste a days holiday to look after him.

If she was honest about the reasons her son missed school, she'd have been returned home.

She sounds like a great mum, btw. Her problem was her ds whinging all day? Poor kid.

Why is she a friend, btw? You seem very snappy with each other.

YANBU. She’s being selfish. Other children will catch it from him and I bet he’s still not feeling great and could do with a day at home resting.

She doesn’t sound great anyway, what sort of parent describes their child as whinging when they are unwell. Not someone I’d be friends with.

YANBU, your friend is for sending her child to school to spread it around.

You are in the right

Grrr, it makes me so annoyed when people send in their children so soon after D &V. She just didn't like hearing the truth, OP. I wonder whether DS picked it up from some other child sent to school when ill?