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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wine every Evening?

179 replies

Busymum45 · 04/03/2020 21:21

I love a glass of wine most nights, normally one or two but more at weekends, is this ok or a bad sign ?! Try to have one or 2 wine free nights. I associate it with wind down and relaxation as have a busy life.

Is it unreasonable to want to drink wine every eve?

OP posts:
BesmirchingMotherhood · 05/03/2020 00:27

My chosen reward is chocolate with a cup of tea for meltiness...

There is always a reward. 🙂

Bool · 05/03/2020 00:30

@redcarbluecar they were in bed hours ago Wink

DingleberryRose · 05/03/2020 00:56

A lot of people seem to have normalised daily alcohol consumption which is concerning.

managedmis · 05/03/2020 01:09

I have wine most nights, 1 or 2 small glasses. It's fine.

Poorolddaddypig · 05/03/2020 01:15

I’m the same OP! Grin

DingleberryRose · 05/03/2020 01:17

I don’t think daily alcohol consumption is fine. I guess it depends if people could stop at will for a significant amount of time. Most people will say they can but I think they would be surprised at how quickly daily drinking becomes habitual and people become quickly become dependent on it. Needing it to relax etc.

Exercise, meditation, deep breathing, yoga, watching a movie are much healthy ways to unwind at the end of the day.

MissGuernsey · 05/03/2020 02:37

I have a couple of bottles of lager most mornings. Around 8-9am. I need to block out the noise from the street. I live near a primary school. Sometimes a couple of glasses of wine.

However, I am a nightshift worker on permanent nights.

Shocking! Waiting for the 'drinking in the morning, you must be an alcoholic brigade'.

squeekums · 05/03/2020 02:53

Exercise, meditation, deep breathing, yoga, watching a movie are much healthy ways to unwind at the end of the day.

Yawn, no thanks, exercise? meditation? deep breathing? pass

movie and a drink always better than just a movie

tisonlymeagain · 05/03/2020 02:59

Seeing as going by other threads we're all going to be wiped out by Coronavirus, I say enjoy the wine. Bottoms up.

heartsonacake · 05/03/2020 03:04

YABU. It’s not normal or healthy to have wine every night and if you find you need it to relax/wind down at the end of the day and have to try to have wine free nights then you’ve got a problem with alcohol.

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/03/2020 03:39

Relying on alcohol to destress makes dependence more likely, but you are clearly aware and if you keep track and take steps to reign your drinking back in any time it seems to be creeping up you are probably using it fairly well.

Alcoholism isn't the only negative of drinking too much - health benefits deteriorate after around 14 units a week and drinking more is associated with some cancers, other diseases and a lower overall lifespan. So might not feel important right now but you could regret it later if you don't keep things moderate (which it sounds like you probably do fairly well). Also you are approaching the age when lots of people who used to be fine drinking a fair amount seem to start finding their sleep is disturbed more and more and alcohol can be a big part of that, which would add to stress rather than detract and increase risk factors for a bunch of things. So keep an eye on that too.

You say a glass a night, 5 nights a week, but how big are the glasses? A pub glass is often about 250ml nowadays which is about 3 units. That could end up being more than you really ought to drink if you're drinking 7 glasses a week. But if you're doing a 125 ml glass, that's well within what seems to be healthy drinking levels). So keep to a moderate amount and give your body a break every week. Making sure you don't drink more than 5 nights a week is good, but ideally, IIRC, you want your two nights off to be consecutive, not spaced out, to give your body more a chance to be alcohol free for a while.

A glass of wine in the bath sounds like a lovely way to relax and unwind.

Mercurial123 · 05/03/2020 05:02

YABU but you are an adult it's your decision to make. However, this is mumsnet so talking about weight, alchohol consumption and smoking never ends well.

PhilCornwall1 · 05/03/2020 05:09

OP you've had it posting that on here.

You'll be seen as an alcoholic and you should only be drinking one thimble of wine once a week.

Personally, if you are happy enough thats all that matters. Other people's normal on here (and sometimes that's really abnormal!!) won't be yours.

TheSeventeenth · 05/03/2020 05:22

I strongly recommend Annie Grace’s ‘The Naked Mind’ for anyone who wants to reset their relationship for alcohol.

I needed alcohol to unwind, this book helped me realise that it wasn’t working.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/03/2020 05:22

Going to try hard to not have anything tomorrow evening

I worked in a rehab and we used to say "trying is lying". If you want to have two drink free days a week, have two drink free days. If you 'try' and don't, you may have an issue.

And I hate the bullshit that MN is anti-alcohol. All the 'oh on MN you're only allowed a small sherry at Christmas' posts. Bollocks, there are always posters vying to be the biggest drinker. MN isn't anti-drinking at all.

The fact is drinking a smaller amount, eating less shit and exercising are better than the alternative. But you're an adult, get pissed as a fart every night if you want. It's your choice.

turnandfacethenamechange · 05/03/2020 05:25

DH and I just caned the best part of 1.5 bottles and shagged in the sitting room. I feel no guilt or concerns

You're my hero 😂

I've been managing four AF days a week which is the best Ive done for literally years but the problem is we would just tend to get really messed up at least one of the other nights (work in entertainment industry - so so much drinking after work/at evening events).

Have just left job and am traveling for two months so am in holiday mode Blush Beer with lunch anyone??

PapayaCoconut · 05/03/2020 05:33

And I hate the bullshit that MN is anti-alcohol. All the 'oh on MN you're only allowed a small sherry at Christmas' posts.

Agree. The fact that so many posters on this thread have said things to this effect seems like evidence of the contrary.

Ponoka7 · 05/03/2020 05:36

The health risks are available to read through, it's then your decision.

I enjoyed a drink when my girls, were teenagers, but i was very careful about not showing them that any substance was needed to relax. I drank because I enjoyed it. I had winding down techniques to relax, exercise and meditation.

I'm a big believer in us being able to be in control of our minds and science shows that meditating can do that for us.

In the area were i grew up there was a lot of functioning alcoholism. I think it was the example of needing a substance which fuelled the next generation's drug use. They knew no better. A bit stressed? Reach for something.

Original poster
Busymum45 · 05/03/2020 07:09

Interesting read, I don't want to drink wine every night as it's becoming a habit, will start with 2 nights off and aim to built to 4, then just drink Fri, sat, sun .

Admittedly I've had some difficult times recently and have used wine to block it all out.

OP posts:
ThunderPython · 05/03/2020 08:56

@Gwenhwyfar

Proof of this? Not everyone is like your relative

I know, if you read my next comment and take into account what I'm saying overall then you will see I agree with you.

However my relative gets very defensive if anyone suggests they drink too much because she will justify her habit with "loads of people have a glass of wine to relax" and that therefore supports her belief that she doesn't have a problem with drink. She's used this line for 20 years.

So I whole heartedly agree with you, not everyone is like my relative HOWEVER if you are like her you won't be likely to admit it and will use excuses of those without an alcohol problem, who can drink moderately, as proof that you don't have a problem.

ThunderPython · 05/03/2020 09:01

@Hirsutefirs

My mum didn’t drink and died at 49.

My stepchildren lost their mum at 43 to drink.

This thread isn't about the extremes though is it. It's about moderation and should the need arise staying mindful of changes in habits.

FiveStoryFire · 05/03/2020 09:02

The problem with using any psychoactive substance on a daily basis, and this includes alcohol, is that it affects the balance of neurotransmitters in your brain.

The brain then tries to compensate in an effort to return to balance, or homeostasis.

It does this by decreasing the production of affected neurotransmitters and by down regulating certain receptors.

When you then remove the psychoactive substance, by stopping drinking for example, you create a chemical imbalance. The brain is thrown into chaos and you can experience severe withdrawal symptoms that can take many months to recover from while the brain tries to rebalance.

This is what is known as a physical dependence and is caused by regular use of a substance over time.

happymummy12345 · 05/03/2020 09:08

I have a bottle every night. I have a high tolerance, it takes a lot for me to get drunk (I'd have to drink most of the night) and I never get hangovers. It's only 3 glasses in 4-5 hours. It's not much when you look at it that way.

Mercurial123 · 05/03/2020 09:11

If you have a bottle every night you have a problem and your health will suffer.

It's only 3 glasses in 4-5 hours. It's not much when you look at it that way.

I would disagree.

ThunderPython · 05/03/2020 09:12

Admittedly I've had some difficult times recently and have used wine to block it all out.

I hope life settles down for you, I totally get needing that release and I do it. I will be honest, my relative I've spoken of is my mum. She is a functioning alcoholic now. I fear since she retired she may well go further down the path. I fear for her. As I mentioned in another post, my stepchildren lost their mum at 43 to alcoholism.

Please don't take any of my comments as attacking you, I'm truly not. I wanted to answer your OP truthfully. I drink too much and have to rein myself in. I therefore consider myself to have a dependency on alcohol. I use wine to unwind, to calm down, to chill.

I am one of the people I'm speaking about when I answered your question. If you are able to control your habit with little thought, or cravings, then you are not like me/my mum/the ex wife. I think my personal experiences reflect accurately the different stages of alcohol dependency.

So, be honest with yourself and be mindful of your intake, is my advice. Flowers