Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Last night I was followed home (road rage incident) aibu to be so angry

152 replies

DianneWhatcock · 04/03/2020 18:01

Driving home with my little DD last night (it was dark) , five minutes from home, suddenly someone appeared behind me then proceeded to tailgate me all the way to my home, honking his horn and flashing his lights clearly trying to intimidate me

(I have racked my brains since and As far as I am aware I did nothing wrong. I have been driving 20 years, never had an accident or even near miss, I am basically a sensible woman in a sensible car. But actually there is no excuse imo for doing what he did)

After a short time, I realised he was actually following me. I was panicking like mad and all I could think of was to drive home. In hindsight maybe should have driven a different way and just tried to lose him I suppose but I wasn't thinking. And then when I pulled up outside my home he pulled up parallel to me, wound his window down and started yelling abuse at me. I grabbed DD and just ran to my front door shouting for H who came out to see what was going on

As soon as he saw DH he drove off however my road is a dead end so he had to turn around at the end and to drive past DH which he did at high speed

I am so angry that someone is that much of a vile aggressive bully that they would actually do such a thing, and to a woman and a child. also I didn't think or have time to get his reg plate so I haven't even been able to report it

I hope if he tries it again he picks on the wrong person and ends up flattened by some psycho. I have ordered a dashcam now I wish to god I already had one. I have been anxious and uneasy since it happened. I mean anything could have happend. And now he knows where I live.

OP posts:
Flufferbum · 04/03/2020 21:51

OP you HAVE to report this!

Flufferbum · 04/03/2020 21:51

What happens when a woman doesn’t have a husband to come to the door. People like that get away with things far too often x

UYScuti · 04/03/2020 21:52

I dont drive any more but if I did I would be camera'd up to the max for sure!!

kateandme · 04/03/2020 21:52

i thikn id instinctively drive home to safety too.but maybe would it be better to drive somehwre public and pull in?i dont know.sorry for you though op.

UYScuti · 04/03/2020 21:53

What happens when a woman doesn’t have a husband to come to the door
blow up burly man for the passenger seat?

BurMaMa2 · 04/03/2020 22:03

The blow-up large male person in the passenger seat sounds like a good plan! Not very politically correct, though...

stickerqueen · 04/03/2020 22:06

report it. just because you don't have his number plate he could have been picked up on cctv, someones dashcam etc.

DirtyRotter · 04/03/2020 22:10

@burMaMa2

You’ve been able to buy these for years. Clearly not a new issue we are discussing. Sadly.

Deelish75 · 04/03/2020 22:22

The blow up man doll pp suggested has got me thinking, I used to do a lot of night driving when I first started driving. I worked in a nightclub and would give a few people a lift home including a couple of big burly lads - never had any hassle with them in the car. Also don’t get hassle when DP is in the car (he’s 6’2”)

HeretoThereandBackAgain · 04/03/2020 22:23

I had this a few years back because I’d dared to indicate and move into a turning lane. It was in a pretty dodgy area, but one I drive through regularly. Idiot zoomed right up behind me, then pulled out, passed me and attempted to force his way in front, in turn forcing another car into the verge. I sat and just shook my head. He became abusive, leaning out and screaming, then made the gun gesture. I live in America so that’s not an insignificant threat. I was glad I was wearing sunglasses as I could sit and pretend to ignore him but it was pretty scary. More fool him though as he had a car with a very distinctive custom paint job and a personal number to reflect it. I went to the police and clearly they knew exactly who I was talking about. I don’t know if they did anything, but I saw the car the following winter being pulled out of a ditch on an icy side street nearby and it looked like a write off.

Whitelisbon · 04/03/2020 22:24

Happened to me once too, unfortunately for him I live next door to a fairly rough and ready pub, which had a fair whack of regulars in that afternoon, who all came out to see what the noise was about.
I doubt he'll do it again, after the "warning" he got from the regulars, one of whom had him against the wall by his throat. Arsehole had taken a swing at me, in front of my terrified dc, so he deserved it.

minou123 · 04/03/2020 22:30

I know how you feel op. Like others I have been in the same situation. Take a deep breath and I promise you will feel better in a couple of days.

I have 2 stories.
1st was waiting for a white van to do a 3 point turn in a busy, heavy traffic road. I'm not too sure why he picked on me, but he decided to scream, shout, swear at me. There were 20 other cars all waiting for him. He followed me, tailgating etc and like you I panicked, but I managed to lose him in the estate where I live.

My good karma/comeuppance story is in was driving at night on a country road i didnt know well. I mustn't have been driving fast enough for the numpty behind me (even though I was driving at the correct speed limit).
He tailgated me, beeped his horn and drive aggressively. He eventually over took me, quite dangerously, but not even 10 secs later police lights flashed behind me. The police overtook me and gave chase. I drove past to see him pulled over by the police.
I proper chuckled Grin

LifeImplosionImminent · 04/03/2020 22:31

I once pulled out into a tricky road at night. It was dark and I didn't judge the car's speed very well. It wasn't like they had to slam their brakes on but it would have had to ease off the accelerator - cue lots of horn blowing and flashing in my rear view mirror - I usually raise my hand up as a sorry if I accidentally cut someone up but can't remember if I did actually, I had my young girls in the car. I was almost home when I noticed he was still following me so I drove past my house and up a different street to make sure he didn't know where I lived - God know what made me think of that. I had to stop at a junction and saw him walking towards my car he had just reached for my door handle when the road cleared so I put my foot down! I drove all the way to the police station but he must have clocked where I was going and scarpered. I was so calm - it feels like I'm remembering a bloody film! I probably would have been hysterical if I was on my own but mama bear took over! Mind you these days, I would try to run him down...

PumpkinP · 04/03/2020 22:37

Not just drivers that get this. I’ve had some weird car driver experiences in my time. Seems some people just get behind a wheel and turn angry. I was walking home from school with my DCs we got to a side road, I was waiting by the side of the road, this is just a regular side road, no pedestrian crossing. I was waiting for dd to catch up as she was slightly behind as she walks super slow. A car came speeding down the road and stopped where I was. They then started screaming abuse out the window at me both driver and passenger. Calling me a stupid bitch. I hadn’t tried to cross or step out in front of them or anything I was just literally waiting with my pram on a side road so I didn’t get what their problem was. All I can assume is that they got annoyed that they stopped (didn’t expect them to!) and I didn’t cross. But like I said it wasn’t a crossing of any kind. They were really vile and drove off.

bottlenose301 · 04/03/2020 22:54

So scary and intimidating when this happens. I've had 3 similar instances.

  1. was driving and approached a busy roundabout, had my 1 yr old in the car. Car tailgated me but then overtook and then cut me up at speed, I tooted my horn (something I rarely do) and he stopped dead in front of me, got out of his car (stopping all traffic on a busy roundabout) and approached my window. I refused to look at him and he obviously saw my child as he just went back to his car. Even that shook me up.

  2. another tailgater, I didn't react and was driving at a normal pace (not slow or too fast) and he pulls up to the lane on my right. Starts yelling at me. I again refuse to look (I always think if I look at them it's going to make things worse). Me not looking clearly enraged him, he gobbed on my window and threw coins at it. I ignored him and the luckily the lights changed and I turned.

  3. the last one was only a few months ago. I was driving home from work and a car nearly forced me off the road. We ended up side by side before merging into one lane and I told him to go in front of me (gestures as such). We exchanged verbal gestures of annoyance ( not swearing) and that's my part in it that I regret. I ended up behind him and was keeping my distance as I felt a bit scared. He was a bit man. Anyway he kept brake checking me but I just stayed back. Then the scariest thing. He pulled over and I drove on and then pulled way so he was behind me. He drove almost touching my bumper, flashing lights, honking madly. Driving completely erratically. I was really scared. I ignored as best I could. This went on for ages then suddenly he undercut me (main road, no two lanes) , got in front of me and then stopped the car blocking me. I was shit scared. I didn't wait for him to get out. I literally did a u turn on the main road and drove back the way I came, down some side streets and hid for about half an hour. It sounds pathetic now but I was really frightened. I did actually report it on the police website and to be fair they tried , but I couldn't give the reg and there were no cctv so nothing could be done. It does shake you though.

DirtyRotter · 04/03/2020 23:01

Fucking hell. Some men think they own the road. It’s like they think we shouldn’t be driving.

Theweasleytwins · 04/03/2020 23:12

Someone pulled out in front of us the other day, can't remember but we got Infront of him and he was driving really close behind us

In a van with his number on, great advert

Got to the traffic lights, he got out his car and yelled at my husband so he called 999 (or 101 I was having a panic attack so can't remember too well) because the man was very aggressive sounding, he went back to his car then came back shouting again then back to his van and sped off

Was really shaken

Olawisk · 04/03/2020 23:15

@Honeybee85 oh shut up, I never said what he did was right or that the op deserved it. So cut the crap with victim blaming speech.

She wrote in her post that she had no idea what she had done wrong. I would presume the abuse he was shouting would be connected to what he thinks she has done wrong. Hence knowing the issue! Considering she wrote she racked her brain to find out.

It also sounds like someone who simply had road rage, not targeted.

TheMotherofAllDilemmas · 04/03/2020 23:24

Please report him, I bet you is not the first time. He might end up hurting someone in due course.

Tigerty · 04/03/2020 23:25

A friend of mine showed me his dash cam footage of this story. My friend was driving home from work in his black car, lady in front of him in her white car. White van man raced alongside both of them and cut her up. She had to break hard and she beeped him.

White van man started erratically slowing down and speeding up in front of her. What he didn’t realise was that she had turned off into a side street so at the next set of lights when the dickhead jumped out of his van to yell abuse at her he was shocked to see he was yelling at a large man instead.

You could see the shock on his face and he promptly shut up, turned around and fiddled briefly with the back of his van then slunk away. No more erratic driving after that. Misogynistic wanker.

butwhateverfor · 04/03/2020 23:32

Men are like this with women in many different situations, I find. I never have any tradesmen to the house when I am alone, any more, for example. Husband deals with it because I am sick of the rudeness and shitty behaviour.

BluePheasant · 04/03/2020 23:33

Please report it anyway OP. Don't worry about not having the reg. Can you recall what car he was driving, any features about his face or clothing you noticed? Make a note of anything you can remember. Tell the police your route, times etc. They can work with what you can tell them. Following you home like that is horrendous. Pathetic angry man.

StCharlotte · 04/03/2020 23:37

I used to run a village shop and was driving back there when a dirty great Land Rover started tailgating me. I was doing nothing wrong. I could see who it was (a regular customer who was normally very nice). He didn't indicate at any of the turns and was glued to my bumper. When I pulled in outside the shop, he pulled up next to me and started shouting about how I needed driving lessons, I started to reply that at least I knew where my indicators were but he drove off. I'd recently gone from having long hair to short hair and I was wearing sunglasses. I can only assume he didn't recognise me but it was very strange.

Also my MIL (in her 80s) was followed home by a taxi who started shouting the odds about how she'd clipped him earlier and hadn't stopped. He showed her the marks on his car from a red car. Her car was red but as she pointed out, a completely different shade of red. He harrumphed and drove off. She held her own but was incredibly upset because, like you, he now knew where she lived. Fortunately for him she didn't know what sort of car he was in as DH and his brother were ready to go to the taxi rank and do more than damage his car!

I hope you can forget about this and move on but some men really are bastards aren't they?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 04/03/2020 23:42

I've had this happen on the M3 - I was travelling at the speed limit in my old Fiesta but overtaking something in the middle lane when a white transit van (I know, right?) zoomed up behind me and started flashing at me to get out the way. Couldn't because small car, small engine, overtaking.
Anyway, when I got past the other car in the middle lane, I did the "wanker" sign just by my steering wheel as they went past, which the passenger must have seen. The next 10 minutes were the scariest of my drving life, as they proceeded to get in front of me, slam on their brakes, then wait for me to overtake, tailgate me, swerve into me, brake in front of me again etc. It was night, there weren't many cars around but luckily for me there was a bus going off at my exit, so I whipped in behind that and the fucking van drove off. I had my 2 small boys in the car with me, one of whom was sleeping and the other of whom was terrified! I got the licence number and did report it to the police, but I don't know how far it went as there was no CCTV footage and it was "their word against mine" in the end. But it was a company van so hopefully their bosses would have "had a word" too.
Fucking hell, it was terrifying!

StrangeLookingParasite · 04/03/2020 23:49

I doubt he'll do it again, after the "warning" he got from the regulars, one of whom had him against the wall by his throat. Arsehole had taken a swing at me, in front of my terrified dc, so he deserved it.

This gives me such a warm feeling.