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Original poster

To lie about death of puppy

316 replies

Snowdropfairy85 · 04/03/2020 13:36

We are weeks away from welcoming our new puppy into our home and the breeder has just phoned to say she’s passed away. I’m absolutely gutted. We had visited the puppy several times and named her. She was just 7 weeks old. Breeder comes highly recommended, I fully checked them out. My kids are 5 & 6 and I just don’t know what to say to them. When DD’s hamster died we told her the truth and she was absolutely devastated, I’m not sure I can face telling her the puppy has died. I can’t think of a good reason to tell them as to why we aren’t bringing her home now though.

OP posts:
m00rfarm · 04/03/2020 16:32

If the puppy had made it back to your house then died - then of course they need to know the truth. However, the puppy did not become part of the family, therefore there is absolutely no need to upset the children. Just say anything you like - discuss it in your head until you have it down pat, then they will believe you no problem at all. I cannot understand all the people saying children have to learn that people and animals die. Yes, of course they do, but there is no need to tell them this puppy has died and upset them. they will then become obsessed with the next puppy dying and probably drive it bad poking it every time it tries to sleep.

m00rfarm · 04/03/2020 16:32

mad not bad (although it may become bad with the poking as well)

girlwhowearsglasses · 04/03/2020 16:33

Puppy is too ill to come and live with you and needs its mum. This is acceptable I think. If you'd had the puppy at home and it died I'd have been honest I think, but luckily its not something she needs to deal with.

My mum used to breed cats and sometimes a kitten died, or in one case, had a serious heart defect meaning it wouldn't have a long life. We wouldn't have let that kitten go to a family -
Its sad, but fortunate you don't have to deal with it in your family

rootsonshow · 04/03/2020 16:34

Tell them that the puppy was clever and so was needed by the police force

Coyoacan · 04/03/2020 16:35

I wouldn't tell them. Your child now knows about death. I would not gratuitously give a small child news of a death that they are not really involved in.

ChickLitLover · 04/03/2020 16:37

If that's how you feel then maybe pets aren't for you?

Confused There’s a big difference between dealing with losing a pet that will most likely live for 10-15 years than making your children deal with the death of a puppy that didn’t live with them yet, especially when the children are so young.

We have lost a few animals over the years. My children were extremely sad because they missed them but what got them through was that they knew the animals were older and had had a lovely life with us. We lost a cat relatively young but even then they dealt with it knowing that it had had the best life in the time she had with us.

This is quite an unusual situation. It’s normal and part of dog ownership to have to deal with their death in 10-15 years time, but most dog owners do not have to deal with their death so soon after agreeing to take them on. They’re unlikely to have to deal with the death of their next puppy for a number of years, by which time the children are likely to be better equipped to deal with it.

User12879923378 · 04/03/2020 16:38

I'm all for being straight with children but I'm not sure I'd go for a Big Death conversation in relation to a puppy that hasn't even come home, poor little thing. It's enough that they're not getting the puppy, isn't it? I'd go for "the puppies need to stay with their mum" and look for another puppy. Obviously if the puppy lived with you it would be different but I honestly can't see any reason for them to know why it's not coming home.

Costacoffeeplease · 04/03/2020 16:44

Another litter due next month? FFS. Breeding back to back litters. This is a puppy farm or at best a commercial breeder. Walk away.

This ^

Whatever you decide to tell your child, I wouldn’t go back to this breeder they sound extremely dodgy

Nearlyoldenoughtowearpurple · 04/03/2020 16:45

100pc lie
Agree with the others that have said that it would be different if the puppy had lived with you, then obviously you would need to explain the facts and bear the upset.
What earthly reason would there be , in this case, to cause upset to two small children when a small white lie about the puppy deciding to stay with its mummy, or some such rubbish will save tears and upset.
Facts of life yes, that’s one reason to have pets yes but you didn’t have this pet .
My daughter is also very anxious and struggled for years after the death of her year old cat. It was five years before she was ready for another. No way would I inflict that on a child if I didn’t have to.
Am very sorry about this disaster and hope you find another lovely puppy soon

GymSloth · 04/03/2020 16:49

T0tallyFuckedUpFamily has it absolutely spot on I think.

The children are young, have already experienced death and grief, there's no need to turn this into some kind of life lesson.

Poor pup. It's really sad. I'm so sorry you're in this situation op.

SilverySurfer · 04/03/2020 16:50

While it's sad the puppy has died, please go to a rescue centre and give a home to a puppy who really needs one.

As far as telling your children, I agree with those who would say the puppy is unwell and has to stay with its mother. Had the puppy been with you for a while and died, that's a totally different situation.

Dieu · 04/03/2020 16:53

I was in an identical situation to you. My 3 children were abroad on holiday with their father (my ex husband), and were mega excited about meeting their new pup on their return. Night before I was due to pick up pup, the breeder called to say that he'd passed away.
I didn't want to disappoint, and managed to source a similar looking pup, and got away with it completely. Yes, you could be honest and use it as an opportunity to discuss death, etc. But really, why would you if it could be avoided?!
Good luck and sorry about your pup Thanks
PS ours is now nearly 5 years old, and brings joy to my 3 every day.

ambereeree · 04/03/2020 16:55

I would say puppy is too poorly and has to stay with mum

IScreamForIceCreams · 04/03/2020 16:57

Tell the truth, sooner or later they will be exposed to people and animals dying in any case. Just don't say "puppy has gone to sleep and won't wake up", that will cause all kinds of sleeping issues.

RantyAnty · 04/03/2020 17:00

Some of you clearly have never taken a child development class.

You're looking at it from your adult brain perspective.

A child's brain doesn't understand it the same way an adult does.

Ages 2 to 6

Death is understood as temporary and reversible. There is no concept of a personal death; death is something that only happens to other people. Dead persons or animals are broken and can be fixed, or asleep and can be awakened, or gone and will be back.

Just tell the DC the puppy is staying with their mum. And no they won't ask about it as even though they've seen the puppy a couple of times, it's still an abstract concept like telling them something will happen in 6 months.

If you get another puppy, just wait until you are sure it's healthy and tell them on the day you're picking it up.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 04/03/2020 17:00

I would lie. I'm assuming the next litter are the same breed? Similar parents? I would stall and say puppy had to stay with it's mum longer and get a pup from the next litter. It's definitely unnecessary to tell them about the pup dying, why cause undue upset.

redastherose · 04/03/2020 17:02

The children are too young to know the number of weeks still to pass. If I were you I would lie and look for another puppy of the same breed. Too sad to let them know about the death of such a young puppy.

Starlight456 · 04/03/2020 17:05

I haven’t read all 7 pages. However yes tell them. They might be upset however they won’t be so attached if the met him twice . I had to tell my Ds (12) someone very close was terminally ill then passed away. I think death of pets helped him process it .

maddiemookins16mum · 04/03/2020 17:07

I’d lie. They’re little and why make things horrid when you have other choices.
We were getting a kitten (back in the 70s) and it died, Mum and Dad ‘lied’ and said it had missed it’s sister (who’d also been ‘adopted’) so it went with his sister to a new home but that the another kitten in the family was happier as a ‘single’ so we got her instead. It was only a few years later we found out the truth and we fully understood the reason they did it.

SixyearoldSicknote · 04/03/2020 17:09

Telling a lie & fibbing are very different.

Telling a lie is maliciously deceiving someone. Telling a fib/white lie to save (in this case a child) heartbreak is very different.

There is no need to explain why this pup will not be coming to live with you. The breeder has said the pup is no longer for sale because it was ill. Your deposit will be refunded and you will look elsewhere.

This is not a lie and will save them unnecessary upset.

You will find your perfect pup when the time is right. X

WinterCat · 04/03/2020 17:10

I’d lie although I might drag out how long it is until the puppy can come and live with us to allow enough time for to find another puppy instead.

I’ve been honest to my similar aged children when we have had pets and family die so it’s not that I hide death from them but I don’t see the need in adding to the upset of the puppy not joining the household.

GoatyGoatyMingeMinge · 04/03/2020 17:12

Lie, lie, lie! And find another puppy ASAP.

FamilyOfAliens · 04/03/2020 17:13

We shaped a carrot into a fish and dropped it in the bowl

How did the child not notice her “fish” had sunk to the bottom of the tank?

TheSmelliestHouse · 04/03/2020 17:16

As they're so young, I know lots of people don't agree, but what's the benefit of telling them puppy died. I'd say it's not able to come for some white lie reason you think works and start looking for another puppy. I wouldn't put that grief onto the DC.
Maybe find another one quick and say that's the reason ie new puppy needs a home.

astericia · 04/03/2020 17:19

Could you not get another from that litter? Or any similar one? Surely the DC wouldn't know.
Or am I just evil.